Lose Weight Fast – Tumor Removal

December 13, 2004 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Can't Make This Up, Life, Science 

In Cincinnati, a woman has lost over 80 pounds – 66 of them from a single tumor.  (local news article)

As strange as it sounds, I believe it.  My wife had a large cantaloupe-sized ovarian tumor removed Dosage should be restricted to that which is prescribed by the doctors and it continues to occupy highest priority space in generic viagra pills the lives of male customers. This is mainly attributed price tadalafil tablets to the lower dosage. Moreover, a physical therapist also provides the possible care for people through a variety of settings in the various hospitals, clinics, private practices of medical health buy viagra online in care, outpatient, home health agencies even in school, sporting competitions and fitness facilities. Massage assists cialis 5mg generika in building healthy and productive lifestyle naturally. when she was in her mid-20’s.  The gynecologist initially thought that she was pregnant (alarming enough), then the ultrasound revealed this.  She had it harder – back then the recovery was several months on the couch.

Death Penalty for Overdue Library Books

November 19, 2004 by · 1 Comment
Filed under: Books, Can't Make This Up, Current Affairs 

It used to be a cliche – sentencing someone to death for an overdue library book.

Now, Bay City, Michigan is moving in that direction.  (CNN Story)

The Bay County library system director is asking the Library Board for permission to seek arrest warrants for patrons keeping books past due and ignoring repeated notices.  He also wants to levy criminal fines and jail time up to 90 days.
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According to the article, a particularly heinous offender has $1,200 worth of books out (not the fine, the value of the books), most for over a year (and mostly sci-fi – could easily be me).  One has to wonder how much it will cost the county to prosecute him and keep him in jail.  Library fines currently run 5 to 10 cents per day.

This guy is nuts.  I can see wanting to make a point, but there’s gotta be a better way than arresting patrons.  Maybe embarass them in the newspaper?

Counting Sheep at Bedtime

November 9, 2004 by · 1 Comment
Filed under: Can't Make This Up, Life, Travel 

So, I’m lying in bed last night reading before going to sleep.  I still have the police scanner on.

I hear:

“Station 40, respond to the Turnpike mile marker xx.x northbound on an overturned vehicle with possible entrapment.  Use caution for sheep running around on the highway.”

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The story:
Newsday Story

You can’t make this stuff up.

Stupid People #2 – Soprano’s Italian and American Grill Lake George NY

September 15, 2004 by · 2 Comments
Filed under: Can't Make This Up, Food and Drink, Life 

In Lake George, NY, charges have been dropped against Humberto Taveras after he was alleged to have left a less-than-desired tip for dinner. (Newsday story)

Mr. Taveras ate at the restaurant on September 9 with a party of 8 people. He wasn’t happy with the service provided by the restaurant, so he left a tip of about 12%. The menu listed a mandatory gratuity of 18% for parties of 6 or more. When he left a smaller tip, the restaurant owner (Joe Soprano) had him arrested for theft of services.

The Warren County District Attorney dropped the charges yesterday, stating that customers cannot be required to pay a gratuity.

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I generally tip 15%. Twenty years ago, I can remember the expected tip being 10%. Now, it seems like 20% is not only expected but demanded for average service. I generally use 15% because it’s fairly easy to calcluate in my head. I do tend to round up, especially if I get good service, but I’m also not afraid to reduce the tip for poor service.

A mandatory gratuity is an oxymoron. The folks at Soprano’s qualify as morons as well.

The Orange Couch

August 17, 2004 by · 1 Comment
Filed under: Can't Make This Up, Fancy Shmancy, Life 

Michele, of A Small Victory, has posted an article on retro fashions coming around again – particularly ponchos. That leads me to believe that it’s time for the story of my Orange Couch.
(It helps that I’m listening to the 80’s channel off the net.)

The Orange Couch

In the very early 90’s, I had just graduated from college where I lived in the dorms. I was living in an apartment that was the converted 2nd floor of a Cape Cod in Fairlawn, NJ. The owners had installed locking doors between the hallway and their two first-floor front rooms, and a locking door at the top of the stairs for the upstairs apartment. There was a full bath upstairs, a little kitchen, and two big rooms with window air conditioners. The old husband downstairs was a nice guy and good landlord – unfortunately he died three weeks after I moved in and his wife was a real pain in the neck.

Since I was just out of school, I had no furniture. My bed was a twin from my parents – the same one I’d had since I was 5 years old (I have it again in my guest room now). My dresser was bought from a neighbor for $10. My desk was also from Dad – the one he had at college.

I needed some living room furniture. Luckily, my boss had a couch and loveseat set that he wanted to get rid of. I said I’d go to his house to look at it and take it if it was acceptable.

So, one Saturday afternoon, my father and I took the 1974 Gran Torino Station Wagon (the wagon version of Starsky & Hutch’s ride – I’ll do a story on that car sometime – the picture is correct except that it’s a 1973 and ours was brown) up to his house in Nanuet, NY.

We entered the room where the couch was kept, and discovered that they were ORANGE. Bright, flaming orange velvet. The upholstery was a little worn, but otherwise they were in great shape. Rather than look a gift horse in the mouth, we took them.

The Gran Torino wagon was a trooper – we fit the couch inside with the back window rolled down, and tied the loveseat on top. We drove it to my apartment.

We got the loveseat up the narrow stairs, around the tight corner into the tiny hallway, and into the living room. Then, we started on the couch. We got to the top of the stairs and found that the couch was long enough that it didn’t fit through the doorway upright. It didn’t even fit on a diagonal – the ceiling was very low. The hall was so tight that we couldn’t even go in horizontally. The couch was a loss.

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It was another week or so before we were ready to do the dis-/re-assembly. We carefully pulled out the upholstery staples and peeled it back from one end of the couch. We found that the end was attached to the frame by three supports – one at the top of the back and two at the front and back of the bottom. If we cut through them, we’d be fine. So, we peeled even more upholstery back from the end to expose the side of those pieces of wood and then we were ready.

I can’t remember now whether we used a power tool or a saw, but we cut through the supports carefully. Once all three were cut, we then reassembled the end and drilled holes. We installed 5-inch lag bolts into the holes and tightened them down. My father did a really good job – he even countersunk the bolt heads so that we didn’t have them sticking out.

Once this was complete, we took it apart again and loaded up the wagon again. Off to the apartment, and up the stairs. In two pieces, the couch made it into the living room. We then re-bolted and stapled the upholstery down again. The couch was once again complete.

At the end of the lease, I’d had enough of my crazy landlady. I moved to a “garden” apartment in a worse neighborhood on the Bergenfield/Teaneck border – near the Teaneck National Guard armory. This was a borderline bad neighborhood – at one point I had to call the police for domestic abuse in the apartment next door. There was no parking, either – to get your reserved parking place you had to be home by 7 or 8pm.

We took the couch apart carefully, moved it to the new apartment, and re-assembled it. That was the last move I ever made with the Gran Torino wagon – it was mercifully donated to the Jewish Heritage Federation for the Blind the next year as a tax writeoff after a total brake failure on Route 17 – at the grand age of 18 and over 130,000 miles. The couch was put back together again for good – the new apartment didn’t require it to be in pieces for moving.

The couch and loveseat stayed with me for a while longer. I moved them to my one-bedroom Hamilton, NJ apartment where it remained for 16 months. Then, it moved to my house (which I’ve now owned for almost 9 years). It stayed in the family room for about 6 months until we got 2 new couches. It was then left out at the curb and the loveseat kept in the living room of our 4 bedroom house until we finally got around to getting better furniture for that room.

The couch wasn’t dead yet. Our house was bought brand-new – and the neighborhood was still being completed. The site manager’s office was the garage of the house across the street and we discovered that the couch hadn’t been picked up by the township – the builders had grabbed it to use in their office.

My boss and I were able to trace the couch’s lineage – I was the 5th known owner. It had been passed around from formerly-single person now-married to a new single person since it’s creation (presumably in the 70’s). It was a really comfortable couch for snoozing! My new couches were chosen to match the shape and feel of this ancient wonder.

I wonder where it is now …..

Another Dental Dispatch

July 28, 2004 by · 1 Comment
Filed under: Can't Make This Up, Life 

A co-worker told me this true story about his experience yesterday. I thought it might amuse you.

This particular co-worker is an amateur hockey player. Thus, he has the traditional hockey dental work – bridges and such.

He had pain in one tooth that was bothering him so much that he had trouble sleeping. He made an appointment with the dentist. His theory was that he had gotten food (probably the ribs he’d just eaten) stuck between the tooth and the adjacent bridge.

He got to the dentist and explained the theory. The dentist pooh-poohed the theory until he started rooting around. Then, he found the cause.

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It gets better.

Dentist: You just can’t use that cheap floss.
Patient: But you GAVE me that cheap floss. I don’t buy floss – I use the stuff that you give me!

True story.

Abortion Excess Again

July 27, 2004 by · 1 Comment
Filed under: Can't Make This Up, Current Affairs 

The loony left is making it difficult to continue my liberal leaning yet again. Where do these people come from?

Planned Parenthood has come up with a new T-Shirt – the “I Had an Abortion” T-Shirt. (No, I’m not making this up.)

This seems insane to me. I can’t think of any reason that an abortion would be morally acceptable to me that doesn’t involve a mistake, or at best circumstances beyond the woman’s control. I can see having an abortion because you accidentally (or through birth control failure) become pregnant. I can see having an abortion because you were raped or impregnated through an incestuous relationship. I can even see having an abortion to save the life of some of a multiple pregnancy. However, none of these things involve something to be proud of.

I have known exactly two people in my life who have had an abortion. In both cases, it was due to an error – an unexpected pregnancy at a bad time in their lives. In both cases, the prevailing emotion involved was shame (among others). Neither woman (one was really just a girl at the time) was proud.
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Would you wear a T-shirt that says: “I Rear-Ended Someone on the Interstate”? How about “I Shoplifted”? Or “I Was Playing Ball in the House and Broke the Lamp”?

Planned Parenthood has gone too far. Abortion should be available to women who have made an error or had something terrible (again, rape and incest here) happen to them. However, I can’t think of any time that it is appropriate to be PROUD of having an abortion.

(Hat Tip: A Small Victory)

Band Sausages

July 22, 2004 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Can't Make This Up, Games, Music 

Michele at A Small Victory has a little game called Band Sausages.

What you do is put two (or more) band names together where the band names overlap:
Boys II Men at Work
George Michael Jackson
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Go to her page to see the entries thus far. If you have a new entry, add it to her page to keep them all in once place.

This one’s a LOT of fun.

Kentucky Fried Cruelty

(This is getting to be tough week. I’m finding myself having to take the side opposite my own beliefs because those who I agree with are going to extremes.)

I hate PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). These people are generally vegetarian Nazis – who believe that eating meat is morally wrong. I have a few vegetarian friends, but they are very good about respecting the eating habits of others (as my wife and I do for them by providing veggie alternatives when they eat at our house). PETA is also the same group that paints fur coats and commits other acts of veggie-terrorism.

However, in one case at least they’ve gotten it right.

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This is depraved. Apparently, it’s caused by frustrations and boredom among the plant workers. However, this behavior is unacceptable in anyone. Cruelty to animals is closely linked to abuse of people.

I’ve written to Pilgrim’s Pride and KFC and told them that I’ll be boycotting them (in KFC’s case all brands owned by YUM Brands, Inc.) until they show a clear track record of proper behavior. I suggest that you do the same.

Aren’t they Austrian?

June 29, 2004 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Can't Make This Up, Film 

In the Sound of Music, the Von Trapp children live in Austria – just before the Nazis annex their country.

During the movie, the nun Maria teaches them to sing in a song called “Do Re Mi“.
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If these kids (and Maria) are Austrian, why are they using English words for the notes?

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