I Had to Walk to School …

January 27, 2005 by · 1 Comment
Filed under: Can't Make This Up 

In Greece, a bus driver is likely to be fired for showing porn to students on the bus.

Now, I had to walk to school or ride with my father.  Even if I’d taken the bus, I would have seen the back of the kid’s head in front of me.  What kind of school bus has mini-screens in the seatbacks?

Stupid Employee Tricks

January 27, 2005 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Can't Make This Up, Work 

This is a true story – it happened yesterday.

My wife is a department manager.  One of her employees is a 60-ish man who’s just coasting until retirement.

Yesterday, she walked into his office.  He was leaning back in his chair, head back, and SNORING.

So, she walked up to his desk and shouted: “WAKEY, WAKEY, EGGS AND BAKEY!”

He jumped up and quickly grabbed his mouse to make it look like he was working.  In doing so, the screen saver disappeared and revealed a 1/2-completed game of Solitaire.

He’s a diabetic.  He claimed that he fell asleep due to low blood sugar (apparently ignoring the hypnotic effects of Solitaire).  So, he proceeds to get out his testing kit and take a reading in front of my wife.

He came up with 142 – which is HIGH, not low.

(Yes, she gave him a verbal warning and she’s gonna document it today.)

My Wife’s Hearing Loss?

January 10, 2005 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Can't Make This Up, Life 

This morning on the radio, there was a commercial for hearing aids that began:

“Many people live with hearing loss …”

My wife (who is not yet 40, by the way) heard:

“Many people live with their in-laws …”

No, she doesn’t have a physical hearing problem.  Her brain is just wired that way.

(NOTE:  We’ve never lived with either set of parents.)

DirecTV and Tivo – did I make a mistake?

January 7, 2005 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Television, Weblogs 

Two months ago, I plopped down $1000 for a DirecTV HD Tivo box.  It’s a box that allows me to record 2 programs while watching a recorded program (or watch one and record one) from DirecTV or OTA (Over the Air – broadcast locals) digital source.

Yesterday, DirecTV made several announcements at the annual Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas.  What they amount to is this:

  1. DirecTV is releasing their own DVR (digital video recorder), based on NDS technology and uCentric technology.  This is expected to be similar to what SkyTV has released in Europe – Fox owns SkyTV and DirecTV.  There are not likely going to be any new Tivo boxes from DirecTV.
  2. DirecTV is going to use new satellites and new technology for their HD local channels and a supposed 150 HD channels.  They will be available starting in 6 months after the new satellites launch.  However, these satellites will be using MPEG-4 encoding and a new modulation technique.  That means that ALL existing DirecTV receivers will be unable to view those channels.  DirecTV promises to “convert” all existing HD customers – whatever that means.

So, the question is – what does that mean to me?  Do I now own a $1000 brick?

Misha tries to answer the question in this blog entry.

Personally, I think I blew it with my purchase.

Help, or Get Out of The Way

January 7, 2005 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Can't Make This Up, Current Affairs, Life 

Varifrank has posted this gem in his blog about Europeans’ reaction to US tsunami aid.

Unprofessional – maybe.  Absolutely the right thing to say – definately.

My Wife and Airport Security

January 6, 2005 by · 1 Comment
Filed under: Current Affairs 

My wife is flying to Houston today.  For various reasons (mainly including her boss), she didn’t buy the ticket until two days ago.

Because of that (and presumably her last name of Smith), she got a little extra treatment from the TSA.  She was unable to get a boarding pass from the ATM-like machines – she had to go to an agent at a desk and present her ID.  They also searched the heck out of her laptop bag, thinking that they saw a pocketknife.  It apparently was part of a computer cable.

She hadn’t boarded yet when I spoke to her, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they pulled her aside for another ID check at the gate.

At one point, the TSA was talking about implementing a “trusted traveller” program.  I think they should – it would avoid silly searches of legitimate people.

Wacky Warning Label Winners

January 6, 2005 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Can't Make This Up, Life 

The winners are out in the annual Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch Wacky Warning Label contest.

This year’s first prize goes to a toilet brush, with a warning label reading:  “Do Not Use for personal hygiene”.

Second prize was won by children’s scooter that reads “This product moves when used”.

Third prize (this should have done better than 3rd) was a digital thermometer that reads (are you ready?):  “Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally”.

Click the link above for the 4th and 5th prizes.

Dead Pool 2005 – my picks

January 1, 2005 by · 1 Comment
Filed under: Dead Pool 

My picks for the Dead Pool 2005 are (in no particular order):

  • Saddam Hussein
  • Dick Clark
  • Mahmud Zahar – Hamas leader
  • George H. W. Bush (the former President, not the current one)
  • Osama Bin Laden
  • Dick Cheney (the current VP)
  • Robert Guillaume – the actor from “Benson” and “Sports Night”
  • Liza Minelli
  • Robert Byrd (US Senator)
  • William Rehnquist (currently Chief Justics of the Supreme Court)
  • Queen Elizabeth (of the UK)
  • King Fahd Ibn Abdul Aziz Al Saud (current King of Saudi Arabia)
  • James Doohan (Scotty from Star Trek)
  • Gerald Ford (the former US President)
  • Whitney Houston

I didn’t pick these people because I wanted them to die (well, except perhaps Osama Bin Laden) – I picked them because they are likely to die.