Happy New Year – a roundup

December 31, 2007 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Life 

Here’s what I’ve been up to in the last week or two:

12/17 – day off from work, didn’t do much
12/18 – work
12/19 – work, office Christmas lunch
12/20 – work, delayed by brake failure on the way to work, left early
12/21 – work, got my car back, watched the Trenton Devils win
12/22 – Smith family Christmas celebration (see below)
12/23 – church in the morning, youth group Christmas party in the evening
12/24 – off from work, Presbyterian Christmas service in the evening
12/25 – Catholic Christmas service followed by Brennan family celebration
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12/27 – off from work, watch Trenton Devils win
12/28 – off from work, watch Trenton Devils lose in shootout
12/29 – home, work on CDs for friends
12/30 – church, then work on CDs for friends
12/31 – work until 3pm, watch Trenton Devils, home for midnight
1/1 – off from work.  Sleep.

Does it seem like I didn’t do much?  You’re right.  I didn’t.  This was sabbath/rest time.

Happy New Year!  See you in 2008!

Blogger Blessings

December 28, 2007 by · 3 Comments
Filed under: Life, Religion, Web/Tech 

I have been tagged by Gannet Girl at Search the Sea for a year-end blogger blessing.  This seems to be how it works (from the person who blessed her):

The idea… it’s a game of tag with a difference, rather than looking inwardly, we look outside ourselves and bless, praise and pray for one blog friend. By participating in this endeavour we not only make the recipient of the blessing feel valued and appreciated, but we are having some fun too. We’re going to see how far the bloggin’ blessings can travel around the world and how many people can be blessed! Recipients of a bloggin’ blessing may upload the above image {I chose not to use the image – Mark} to their sidebar if they choose to. If you recieve a bloggin’ blessin’ please leave a comment on this thread here so that we can rejoice in just how many blessings have been sent around the world!

I am going to bless:

Will Smama for grace under fire in the past year.  She has survived a very difficult life event and kept on rowing without permanently losing her mind or resorting to bad behavior.
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Adam and Sarah Walker Cleaveland as they move into the next phase of their lives after seminary.

Will Spotts as he moves on from the PC(USA) and yet continues to provoke deep thoughts.  I value Will as the one shining star that I see coming from the “other” side of the liberal/conservative divide – he has consistently debated with respect and dignity for those who disagree.  It’s amazing how rare that is.

Family – putting the fun in dysfunctional

December 24, 2007 by · 4 Comments
Filed under: Life 

Saturday was the Smith family Christmas get-together.  We had to hold it early due to my brother’s police employment (he has to work Christmas).

Mom and Dad went to China last summer.  They gave each of us a Beijing olympics 2008 t-shirt.  Translation of sizes was difficult, so they guessed.

I opened mine:

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Mom:  That’s OK – you can lose weight until you fit into it.

Yep.  She actually said that.

Things are breaking this week

December 21, 2007 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Life 

Literally.

Last Sunday night we had a windstorm come through behind a Nor’Easter of rain.  About 10:30pm Carolyn and I were lying in bed and we heard (over the LOUD wind) a crash outside.  After going outside I discovered that our barbecue grill had released its friction wheel locks and rolled off the patio landing at a 45 degree angle on a bush.  It had been tucked up against the back porch.  I checked for propane leaks and dragged it across the paving stones (very hard) into the garage for the night.

I also discovered that one of the satellite cables from the dish had gotten pulled out of the siding J-channel and was flopping in the wind.  I tied it down some and we’ll fix it when weekend weather permits.

The grill is OK and the main burners work right.  It has a side round burner that we’ve never used and that burner isn’t adjusted right.  It’ll get fixed when the weather gets warmer.

On Monday I bought some longer bungee cords and the grill is now bungeed to the back porch.

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I have to wonder how someone young enough to have never driven a car with manual brakes would have reacted.  I slowed down, allowed a long following distance to the car ahead, and coasted as much as possible to avoid braking.  I was able to stop but at a much longer distance and it required planning.

So far that’s all that broke.  Last night I woke up cold (we use a setback thermostat) and got panicky wondering if the furnace had broken.

What’s next?

UPDATE: 10am – the part for the car came in.  I should get it back today.

Hurt by the church, and always looking over your shoulder

December 18, 2007 by · 4 Comments
Filed under: Religion 

Many inactives (a percentage nearing 50%, if anecdotal evidence is accurate) have left because they feel (rightly or wrongly) that they have been hurt by the church.  I’m one of them.  (Read my story HERE for more)

I know that this makes it hard to return.  I’m slowly realizing that the perception of abuse creates a barrier to trust.

I find that I’m constantly on the lookout for behaviors that exemplify the reasons that I left.  I’m watching for extremist and exclusionary beliefs.  I’m watching for people using positions of power for their own purposes.  I’m watching for the use of labels (racist, homophobe) to stifle alternative points of view.

For the most part, I’m finding these things nationally.  Presbyterian blogs of late are very partisan and inflammatory.  The impulse to shout down and control the other party is stronger than the impulse to embrace the other party – from both the right and left.  This is no surprise and it is a disappointment.

Locally, I’m not seeing it as much.  Sure, there’s the woman on one committee who states her opinion as if it were held by many others (a majority, even).  Of course there are abrasive personalities.  There is passive/aggressive behavior (and I find myself drawn into it sometimes).  It’s there, but at a lower level than I experienced before I left the church.

Yet, I’m still looking over my shoulder.  I find myself waiting for the straw that breaks the camel’s back.  I think about whether or not the latest minor upset (or major upset in the case of national/Internet Presbyterian politics) is enough to make me break.  So far, not yet.
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When does the mainly positive experience build up to the point where you start feeling safe?  When can you let your guard down?

I’m beginning to think that once you’ve been hurt by the church, that point never comes.  Your sense of safety can increase, but you never reach the threshold of “safe”.  Your innocence is lost.

And still I plod along.

Two other thoughts:  First – this does not hold me back from being honest and open.  A key part of my sense of self is that I MUST be honest and open, and that hiding your thoughts/feelings/ideas for temporary gain is actually a form of dishonesty.  Second – I LOVE working with the youth group in part because they are ALWAYS honest, blunt, and frank.  The combination of being unafraid to say anything combined with the love that our youth show us and each other is precious.  I wish I could get back there again myself.

(Lest anyone think that I consider my experiences on the same level as those who have experienced real abuse – physical, mental or otherwise – please understand that I’m not.  There are parts of my past that get near that line but not to the level of many.  I am both glad that it hasn’t been that bad for me and sad/upset/frustrated that is IS that bad for others.)

Missing God

December 4, 2007 by · 3 Comments
Filed under: Religion 

I’m not seeing God much these days.

One of the questions that the youth director at church asks the students (and adults) is “Where did you see God this week?”  Lately I’ve been happy that I haven’t been called out to answer, because I really don’t have a good answer.

I definitely don’t see Him at work.  People can’t be depended on to do their own jobs, much less help others.  Gossip and backstabbing abound.

At home, things are basically normal.  All cylinders are firing, and life is running at a nice constant RPM.  Maybe that’s what God is about, but I’m not seeing the traditional view of God when a little extra help is needed.

At church …. hmmpf.  For the most part, the church experience has been kind of flat for me lately.  I’m not feeling inspired by worship.  I’m attending a lot of church meetings which, as we all know, are not generally considered to be the place where people’s best shines through.  There are no real beginnings or culminations.  It’s just kind of … there.

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The Internet and blogosphere?  Please.  I think God avoids them like the plague (so to speak – don’t get any ideas).  If you want to see people behaving at their worst a lot of the time, participate in discussion forums or blogs.

The one exception is youth group.  I do see God in our meetings.  I see it in Confirmation class as the youth absorb and reflect beliefs and emotions about God (and consistently impress me).  I see it in the camaraderie, laughter, tears (and particularly in reaction to those tears) and community of the Senior High group.  Lately there just haven’t been many of these events.  Confirmation teaching sessions are only every 2-3 weeks, and the Senior High schedule hasn’t involved me (retreat with no available spots for adult advisor) or has been canceled (Thanksgiving weekend).

Maybe this is just a case of winter blahs.  Maybe it’s a bit of burning the candle at too many ends.  I dunno.  I’m just not seeing God in my life all that often.

I hope He comes back soon.