Why Lawrenceville?
Tonight, I go before the session of the Lawrenceville Presbyterian Church (NJ) to be received by Reaffirmation of Faith as a new member. There are about 15-20 of us (I think) being received by various methods. To that number you can add 6-10 kids.
A while back, I wrote about my return to the church after an absence of almost 20 years. What I didn’t really put into that post was why I chose this particular church. Apparently, I’m going to be asked that question tonight, so here’s my summary of why (in no particular order).
1. It feels like the church that I grew up in.
That could have been a bad thing (since I had some issues with my original church that were minor contributors to my departure), but I checked on the issues that I had with the church that I grew up in and reportedly they are not a problem here. The way in which Lawrenceville feels like the church that I grew up in are: size (number of members and attendees, size of sanctuary/buildings), service format and content (basically a traditional service with the old standard hymns and a format that I’m used to), music program (wow! can this congregation sing!) and an active youth group.
2. The church has a policy of tolerance for all viewpoints.
A church can either be somewhere along the “conservative” to “liberal” axis, choose to work for tolerance of all viewpoints (within reason), or choose to avoid controversial issues. Based on what I was told (and have seen since), this church shows an unusual tolerance for a wide range of opinion. One story that I was told was about a table at a men’s meeting where a discussion of a controversial issue erupted. Two people staked out the opposite positions, but everybody contributed with opinions all the way across the spectrum on that issue. None of it was heated. That’s what I want – nice respectful academic discussion. Having said that, the church averages out to someplace center to progressive in theology. This is truly a “big tent” within the Presbyterian mold.
3. This church is a thinking church.
There is a big emphasis on adult education and study. Not just “let’s all study the Bible together” but discussions on applying faith to issues.
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4. The church has lots of volunteer opportunities.
There are a lot of things going on. The church wants to have as many people involved as possible – but at the same time doesn’t want to push anybody beyond what they want to do.
5. Church leadership is open and involves lots of people
Unlike other churches that I know (or grew up in), this church rotates a lot of people through it’s leadership roles. At the ordination/installation service that I attended they asked anybody who had ever been an elder or minister to get up and lay hands on the new officers. 1/3 of the congregation got up – a HUGE ratio.
That list was written back in August when I chose this church. Since then, I have also come to realize that there is a warmth to this congregation that might not be apparent to a casual visitor (or a summer visitor, for that matter). Put simply – people care at this church. About each other, about people in the local community, about justice, about evangelism. There is a level of warm commitment – not just words or slogans but actual one-to-one action.
Feels good to me.
Tomorrow, you should be reading a post about tonight’s meeting.
Getting Involved at church
This week I have a homework assignment from New Member Class. I have to check off a list of activities that the church does that interest me. I also need to answer two questions: What do I expect to get out of Lawrenceville Presbyterian, and what do I expect to give to Lawrenceville Presbyterian?
I’m a rather strong introvert. It’s not always easy to detect – I tend to speak of myself as a “loud introvert”, someone who can keep up a facade that makes me appear more outgoing. As you may or may not know, introverts draw their energy from a different type of activity than extroverts (aside from eating and sleeping, of course). Extroverts go into social situations and actually draw energy from the room. Introverts on the other hand need solitude or a small group of close friends to create energy. Introverts can actually feel the energy draining from them in a large social setting like a party. Extroverts may go home charged up – introverts tend to go home exhausted. This is a big generalization, but still true.
So how does this relate to new church members (and me in particular)? I speak from my own experience.
I have to work hard to feel comfortable in a setting like the usual Fellowship Hour after church. I’m fairly comfortable in church – I’m there as part of a mostly anonymous crowd and only interact personally with those sitting around me, and even then only for the passing of the peace. But put me in a room and I’m lost. I end up a single individual wandering around the room without talking to someone, or even standing on the side. I will talk to those that I know, but I’m fairly unlikely to walk up to someone and introduce myself.
On the other hand, in a known group and particularly a small group, I’m fairly comfortable. On a committee, in a small study group, as part of a team – I’m comfortable. I know my place. It’s even more comfortable when I’m part of a group working towards a goal – putting together a special service, running a youth activity, serving on a committee, or even just bean-counting. In fact, that’s the best way for me to meet people – to work with them towards a common goal.
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So the hard part is getting that bootstrap job in an organization. I feel like I need to be invited to participate in that first activity, and if it’s not joining an organized group but is more like an open activity I need to be dragged along. Once I’ve done something with people, I will know them and be more open to fully voluntary participation in the next thing. It’s just getting into that first thing that’s so hard.
The one exception to this rule is Camp Johnsonburg. This camp is the one place on the planet (no hyperbole here) where I have felt totally accepted for being authentically ME outside of my marriage. Camp Johnsonburg works hard to create that acceptance and even celebration of each of us – it’s probably the 2nd or 3rd core value of the camp. I go there, smell the unique combination of plants in the air, and feel at home immediately. The tension in my body drops dramatically nearly instantly. I am ME, and people like me for being me. There’s nothing more powerful than hearing “We’re glad that you came” and knowing that they really meant it. That they didn’t mean “We’re glad that you brought your money” or “We’re glad that you brought your skills” or even “We’re glad that you added one to the headcount”. We’re glad that you came – that you are who you are and that you are sharing it with us. That’s powerful. That’s a core of my theology – that all people are good to God to some degree or in some way unique to them.
As I re-read what I wrote above, I realize that camp isn’t really the only such time. There have been a few more. Serving as a YAD to Synod was like that. More recently, meeting with Jill, Nolan and Rick about Lawrenceville Presbyterian was like that – I felt at ease in the first few minutes. It might not have been on my checklist, but it was a huge factor in choosing a church.
So what does this mean when joining a church? I need to be pulled in. Please pull me in. You won’t be disappointed. I know that I have skills that can be put to good use, and I’ll give you a list on that piece of paper you asked me to fill out. I just need a little tug to get out of my shell.
Church – a new chapter
This blog has been dead for some time. Mainly, that was due to a lack of interest in blogging, and too much to do otherwise. However, I have something new to talk about and I’ll do that here.
First, a little history.
When I was in high school, I was pretty religious. I was a member of a Presbyterian PC(USA) church in Northern NJ. When I was a high school junior, I was ordained as a deacon in that church. That same year, I was a YAD (Youth Advisory Delegate) to the Synod of the Northeast meeting. I then became the youth member of Synod Mission Council and the Synod Nominating Committee. At the same time, I was involved in Camp Johnsonburg as a camper, CIT (Counselor in Training) and a full-time counselor. I also went to the Youth Triennium during those years.
Right about the same time, I went to college at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ (the state U of NJ). I started taking religion classes and computer science classes, intending one to be my major and the other to be my minor. I was thinking that seminary could be in my future.
Then, a few things happened. On campus, I got hooked up with an extremely conservative chapter (“you can’t be friends with Jews unless you’re trying to convert them”) of a conservative Christian campus organization. That only lasted two months, ending after a cult-like weekend retreat. After that, I experienced some disturbing events at Synod-level meetings involving racism and politicking in a church organization. (NOTE: I will not be going into those farther here.)
All of that led me to believe that church was a place where a small number of people in power used the structure to control the behavior of a large number of people. This control was not particularly Godly, but rather of human origin with the accompanying pettiness.
I had already resigned my post as a deacon because of distance issues at college (it’s hard to serve at a worship service 50 miles away when you don’t have a car). I resigned my Synod posts and essentially left the church. I filled out my religion minor with eastern religion classes.
About a year later, I ran into an officer of Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns (now part of More Light Presbyterians). They were looking for someone to serve as their liaison to Presbynet (a part of Ecunet – a discussion network for church issues). I agreed with their cause, and began helping them for about 5-6 years as a supportive straight person. This ended when again I ran into human politics and found myself being called homophobic due to my support of one strategy over another. I turned my responsibilities over to another and left that service. Thus ended my church career.
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This started a spark in me. I discussed the issue with other camp staff alumni and found that many were in the same place – unsure of whether or not they belong in a church. The camp held a retreat last January called “Reconnecting with Faith – Finding Your Home” which covered issues of how to discern whether or not belonging to a church is right for you, and if so how to find the correct congregation. We also talked about related issues like Home Churches and spirituality that is not rooted in a church setting.
Taking ideas from the retreat and a few of my own, I began a process of determining simulateously: 1. Whether or not to join the PC(USA) again at this time, and 2. If so, which one?
The first question (whether or not to join the PC(USA) now) was and continues to be the harder one. The denomination is mirroring American society as a whole – it is dividing into increasingly separate camps based loosely along the conservative/liberal continuum. Denominational politics were fairly hostile (though still in order) through the General Assembly meeting in Birmingham, and have only gotten more hostile since (and less in order). All of this is a huge turn-off to a potential member – particularly to one who saw human politics overriding the message of Christ in the past. So far, I have decided that in a particular congregation, these issues are at least buffered and NOT the primary focus. So I’m willing to give it a try.
The second question was more fun to answer. I went through a process of attending local churches, interviewing members and staff, and reading anything I could find about them on the Internet. I ultimately found a church that reminds me very much of the church that I grew up in in many ways. That could be scary, but I’ve also done as much research as I can and I believe that this church is different from the church that I grew up in where it is important to me.
So, after attending on some Sundays, last week I signed up for New Member classes for the Presbyterian Church of Lawrenceville NJ. Those classes take place in late October and early November.
I plan to blog about the process of a former member again joining a Presbyterian church. I’ll also throw in amusing stories. I do not plan to be a blogger who hides his name or church in order to be able to talk about people anonymously. Because of that, I will probably avoid mentioning controversial issues or controversial people, unless I’m willing to make my views known publicly.
Wish me luck.
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