SAN FRANCISCO,\u00a0 April 1 (AFN) – The Rev. Bruce Reyes-Chow, Moderator of the 218th General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (USA), revealed today that he feels called to leave the denomination that has been his home for all of his 39 years.\u00a0 Reyes-Chow stated that during his recent Moderatorial trip to Hong Kong and Taiwan, he felt the pull of his Buddhist ancestors and plans to leave the Presbyterian Church and take up the robes of a Buddhist monk.<\/p>\n
Robin Pugh, his wife, and his three children are said to be staying with relatives recovering from the announcement.\u00a0 Our reporter was able to hear a single question from his eldest daughter to her mother:\u00a0 “Does that mean that I have to shave my head?”<\/p>\n
The Rev. Byron Wade, Vice-Moderator of the General Assembly, spoke extensively on the subject of Reyes-Chow’s abandonment of his Presbyterian heritage.\u00a0 “I’m not at all surprised”, said Wade, “Bruce has always been a bit unusual.\u00a0 I’m just glad that I get the chance to step into his shoes.\u00a0 The Moderator gets all of the glamour while the Vice-Moderator is relegated to being a traveling second banana.\u00a0 Bruce got to go to the Phillipines and China; I had to settle for East Tennessee!” Check the date, folks.\u00a0 It’s April Fools!
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\nThere is no word on what will happen at Bruce’s church, Mission Bay Community Church in San Francisco.\u00a0 Abby Kaiser was last seen rubbing her hands together and cackling with glee.<\/p>\n