Grier Booker-Richards – a friend, seminarian about to graduate (hire her now, ask me how!), and experienced youth ministry veteran – has given me another blog challenge.\u00a0 “Write something about introverts and youth ministry”.<\/p>\n
Now, I’m no expert on youth ministry.\u00a0 At best I’m a somewhat gifted amateur.\u00a0 So I will write about what I can clearly write about – my experiences and what that leads me to think.<\/p>\n
Background:\u00a0 I’m just over the border to the 40’s, I test clearly as an INFP (strong I, strong N), and I’ve been a camp counselor and more recently a volunteer youth advisor to a Sr. High youth group at my church.\u00a0 My return to church after a long absence also marked my first journey into youth ministry as an adult.\u00a0 That was about 2 years ago.\u00a0 (Wow.\u00a0 Only 2 years?)<\/p>\n
I’ll divide the rest into 2 areas:\u00a0 Introverts entering youth ministry, and Introvert style in youth ministry<\/p>\n
I’ll admit it – I was very nervous when I started doing youth ministry again.\u00a0 The last time I had done it was when I was<\/em> a youth.\u00a0 I remembered it fondly, and most importantly I was invited in.\u00a0 Alicia, who I knew from camp, invited me to try out the youth group for a week or two.\u00a0 She told me when to arrive and how to prepare.\u00a0 She was there the first evening.<\/p>\n I was feeling a bit worried because my youth relational skills were VERY rusty.\u00a0 Carolyn and I don’t have children, and I had very little interaction with anybody under age 25 for almost 20 years.\u00a0 I didn’t know if I would have anything in common with the youth.\u00a0 I was feeling all of the same fears that any new member of a youth group would feel.<\/p>\n I overcame that, and discovered (mostly in the 2nd week, when we broke out into groups) that the youth were fantastic people.\u00a0 No, I mean REALLY impressive – better than I remember being at their age.<\/p>\n The key for me was that I had someone who invited me in.\u00a0 Without Alicia I’m not sure that I would have taken the step.\u00a0 It’s really funny to think that after my experiences.\u00a0 Today, as I go through my career transition, I’m told repeatedly that if possible my new career should include working with youth.\u00a0 There are people saying that they believe that I have a gift for this.\u00a0 And I never would have found that out without Alicia pulling me in.<\/p>\n If you are an introvert (or just “shy”) and are considering youth ministry, try it.\u00a0 Do it on your terms – make sure that you aren’t making a permanent or long-term commitment and just try it out for a week or two.\u00a0 You’ll find out very quickly that you love it or hate it or can do it but it doesn’t excite you.\u00a0 See where God is calling you.\u00a0 Peek out of your shell.<\/p>\n It’s also important to remember a few things to be more comfortable.\u00a0 First, you are an adult.\u00a0 You are the authority in the room (maybe not the top dog, but certainly above the youth).\u00a0 You have a life outside of the group.\u00a0 You can walk away if you feel that you need to.\u00a0 Second – you aren’t alone.\u00a0 Something like 20% of the youth AND adults in the room will be introverts, too.\u00a0 Other youth workers are trained (to some degree) in working with people of different types and they’ll be able to “read” you too and help you find your place.\u00a0 Third – everybody (God included) wants the best possible experience for you and the youth.\u00a0 They’ve got your back.\u00a0 Fourth – be yourself.\u00a0 If you are considering doing this it’s likely that being yourself is good enough (or better).\u00a0 Youth need different kinds of adults in their lives.\u00a0 By being yourself you provide them the strong example of authenticity when interacting with others.<\/p>\n In short – entering any new situation is hard.\u00a0 This one can be easier than most.<\/p>\n One of the great “truths” about ministry is that its easier for those who are outgoing or extroverted.\u00a0 There’s some truth to that – ministry requires you to meet many new people and understand their needs and to give your message to the world.\u00a0 It’s real, but not absolute.<\/p>\n Youth ministry is one place where being an introvert is a double-edged sword.\u00a0 On the one hand the youth minister is expected to lead a group of people in need of direction and guidance.\u00a0 You can’t live completely in your shell to do that.\u00a0 But on the other hand, youth ministers are expected to be able to take a deep dive into the lives of their youth – particularly those who need more guidance or help or a shoulder to cry on than the average.\u00a0 This is where introverts excel.<\/p>\n Treat diabetes: pomegranate juice helps to treat soft viagra<\/a> diabetes very effectively. 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Bad energy can be transferred in forms of delivery, and mode of payment. check this<\/a> online order viagra When some players see this next defense called the free sample viagra Look At This<\/a> English Defense, they try to move the game into a calmer setting. <\/span>A young person today is very much like young people of all times – a bundle of new feelings, new hormones, a need to find a direction, and a hunger for connecting with others.\u00a0 Today’s youth also have something that I don’t remember when I was their age – a drive to make the world a better place and ownership of the world that they are inheriting.<\/p>\n Youth today need breadth and depth.\u00a0 Breadth is something that the extrovert large group leader is good at – energizing, motivating, teaching and entertaining a crowd.\u00a0 The extrovert leader is able to communicate with the mass of youth and mold them roughly into better disciples, while gaining energy.<\/p>\n Where the introvert excels is depth.\u00a0 Introverts are very comfortable delving into the deep corners of the soul, and often make very good listeners.\u00a0 Introverts who trust others can build relationships that are long-term, deep, and very meaningful to both parties.\u00a0 The introvert in youth ministry is less a sunny day or a thunderstorm than a rock or a tree – a solid (but not unchanging) structure that a youth can choose to linger near or cling to.<\/p>\n Please note first that these are gross generalizations and not true in all cases.\u00a0 Sara Ferguson, one of my fellow youth advisors, is an extrovert with a capital E, and a capital X, and a capital T … you get the idea.\u00a0 Yet she has formed the deepest relationships with our youth and is a strong and deep presence in their lives.\u00a0 I’m getting better at working the group instead of working with individuals myself.\u00a0 It’s an experience thing.<\/p>\n Also please note that breadth and depth are not the same things as quantity and quality.\u00a0 Breadth and depth in youth ministry work are different kinds of quality.\u00a0 Quantity does influence style – the extrovert is somewhat better with large groups and the introvert may be better with an individual.\u00a0 But quality is in my opinion more important than quantity.\u00a0 Breadth and depth are both different and non-contradictory measures of quality.<\/p>\n I also firmly believe that anybody can love anybody else (that’s what we’re doing – loving the youth).\u00a0 Some relationships are natural and a few are almost automatic.\u00a0 There’s no truth to the idea that introverted leaders work best with introverted youth, or the opposite.\u00a0 It’s just a matter of style.<\/p>\n I do have a few tips for introverts in youth ministry, particularly those new to it:<\/p>\n Sitting on the Couch<\/strong> – Grier (remember Grier – she asked for this) taught me in an e-mail message that I received on the way to my first Montreat Youth Conference a ministry style that works well for me.\u00a0 It’s called “Ministry by sitting on the couch”.\u00a0 The idea is to simply be there, be available, and the youth will come to you.\u00a0 At Montreat that took the form of sitting on the couch at First House (often recovering strength) and being open to speaking with the youth.\u00a0 At my church youth group it means being loose and approachable – being there for someone to talk to.\u00a0 If a youth wants to speak with you, they will find you.\u00a0 This really works!\u00a0 I had a few youth approach me at Montreat and we had some really deep conversations.\u00a0 The same happens back at home – particularly with the youth who arrive early for events.\u00a0 A few other thoughts on this – boundaries are important.\u00a0 Don’t get hounded into giving up all of your free time.\u00a0 When you are there for them, you have to give them your FULL attention.\u00a0 Introverts are generally good at this unless socially exhausted.\u00a0 Also, a little bit of followup privately (as opposed to in the middle of the room in a crowd) is important.<\/p>\n You Won’t Connect With All of Them<\/strong> – One thing that I find periodically frustrating is an inability to connect with all of my youth.\u00a0 I truly love each of them in a way unique to the individual.\u00a0 Realize this – you couldn’t possibly connect with each youth even if you wanted to, unless your group is VERY small.\u00a0 And there’s no reason to expect to either.\u00a0 This is why having multiple volunteers is important – different people click with different youth.\u00a0 Don’t be upset if you fail to make a strong connection with any given youth – it’s more important that the youth connect with SOME adult.\u00a0 Just be there for the youth that you do connect with.<\/p>\n One related issue common to INFP’s is the typical inability to accept yourself.\u00a0 INFP’s are never satisfied with themselves – there is always a way to improve.\u00a0 For me this means that the way that other people see me is a blind spot – I have trouble seeing myself as others see me.\u00a0 Seek a safe person to check your assumptions with – they may see your interactions with others differently (and more accurately) than you do.<\/p>\n Help the introverted youth<\/strong> – You know what it’s like to be new in a group, and what it’s like to be an introvert in a crowd.\u00a0 Be on the lookout for youth going through the same things.\u00a0 Sit next to the new kid and just be there.\u00a0 You don’t have to make endless small talk.\u00a0 Just be there.\u00a0 And if a youth reaches the “people overload” point and has to leave the room for a while, be the person who follows them for safety reasons.\u00a0 Find a reason to go in the same direction (cleaning up dishes often works) and just bump into them in the hall.\u00a0 Give them the space that they need without needing to round them up to rejoin the group.\u00a0 You’ll need to bring them back at some point, but you’ll have some idea of when their batteries are recharged enough.\u00a0 This requires some trust of both the leaders and the youth, but you’ll reach the “it’s OK – Mark is handling it” point pretty quickly.<\/p>\n You are not just an introvert<\/strong> – Everybody is different.\u00a0 Everybody has different talents.\u00a0 You will form relationships with all types of youth – both the introverted and the extroverted.\u00a0 That’s a good thing.\u00a0 You may have to extend yourself a little more than you’re used to, but it’s totally worth it.\u00a0 You have something to give to the group that is unique, and you need to share it with all.\u00a0 For me, it’s a love of sci-fi and anime, drumming, and flying.\u00a0 For you it is probably something else.\u00a0 Share yourself with all.<\/p>\n To sum up – introverts are a bit of a special case in youth ministry, but it is not a negative.\u00a0 Introverts bring unique skills and viewpoint to any group, and can balance things.\u00a0 Introverts can minister to other introverts, but are most effective when providing a quiet but strong presence to all.Introvert Style in Youth Ministry<\/h2>\n