(Note – this post is NOT a fishing expedition.\u00a0 I’m not looking for compliments or statements that you weren’t planning on making anyway.\u00a0 This is just my observations.)<\/p>\n
Valentine’s Day is coming up.\u00a0 Love is in the air (though we’re a bit more concerned about snow these days).\u00a0 Thoughts of love both romantic and filial abound.\u00a0 Even my pastor is doing a sermon series on love.<\/p>\n
This got me thinking last night.\u00a0 How many people have ever told me “I love you”?\u00a0 It’s a short list, though longer than I’d expected:<\/p>\n
Carolyn There are a few statements that do NOT qualify in my book:<\/p>\n “I love you for X” – for doing the dishes, for being a great friend, for painting a room at church.\u00a0 All of these are great, but the statement is missing the love of the whole person. The list of people that I’ve said “I love you” to does not match the list above.\u00a0 It’s longer, and there are some folks on that list who are not on my list above.\u00a0 I also tend to make deep connections a bit more quickly than others and I have a nasty tendency to try to connect deeper than the other party.\u00a0 So I’m prone to unbalanced relationships, where my devotion is greater than the other party.\u00a0 I’m working on that.<\/p>\n And I firmly believe that there are people who actually DO love me but who haven’t said so, because doing so is risky and may flout societal conventions (particularly because I’m married and a statement from another woman, even as a friend, could be misconstrued).\u00a0 And there are certainly MANY more people that I DO love that I can’t say it to.\u00a0 The youth in my youth group, some other church folks, a few former co-workers.\u00a0 I do love them but to say so to them would be disruptive and cause more trouble than it would fix.\u00a0 In a different world, it would be different.<\/p>\n I also have a longish list of people whose 3am phone calls I would take, for any reason.\u00a0 There are people for whom I’d jump out of bed and into the car if they called me in the middle of the night.\u00a0 That list overlaps my list of people that I love, but is not a 100% match.<\/p>\n Maybe it’s my church involvement, maybe I’m a throwback, and maybe I’m just weird.\u00a0 But I think the world would be a better place if we all knew what other people think of us more accurately.\u00a0 There’s risk involved there, and possibly hurt feelings, but the world would just run that little bit more smoothly if we knew.\u00a0 Maybe we can start with the positive emotions.<\/p>\n So my challenge to you is this:\u00a0 Sometime in the next week or so, say “I love you” to someone that you love but haven’t said it to yet (it doesn’t have to be me!).\u00a0 Use disclaimers if you must (“as a friend”).\u00a0 Do it in e-mail or on paper if you can’t say it out loud.\u00a0 But tell somebody that they are loved.\u00a0 It will mean the world to them.
\nMy mother
\nMy father
\nMy 2 grandmothers
\nMy uncle on Mom’s side
\nMy aunt and uncle on Dad’s side (not so sure about my uncle, but he meant it)
\nMy father-in-law and mother-in-law
\nMy brother-in-law
\nHeather (not sure about this one – it was a LONG time ago)
\nKatie
\nMy youth pastor years ago
\nThe Youth Director at my church today (I think)
\nLorelei from camp
\nCertainly a few others from camp, but I’m at a loss to identify who
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\nNow, this includes both romantic love and the “I love you, as a friend” variety.\u00a0 Either implies a deep connection and interest in the well-being of the other party.<\/p>\n
\n“I’ll love you 100 days if you Z” – if you give me a ride to the airport, if you clean up the kitchen.\u00a0 True love has no expiration date, though it may end.
\n“Love ya” – a closing salutation used a lot on e-mail.\u00a0 This is a cop-out – a way to avoid “I Love You” when it’s not really felt.
\n“Honey, I love you but I just can’t smile” – this is a youth group game, not a statement of devotion
\n“I love it when you Y” – again, too specific<\/p>\n