If you’re like me, you’re in a unique minority.\u00a0 I’m white, male, straight, middle-aged, middle-class, live in the suburbs, protestant.\u00a0 I’m a member of every majority group.\u00a0 I AM WHITE BREAD.<\/p>\n
Fortunately (or unfortunately), my genetic and environmental background have combined to form a desire for justice in my ethical framework.\u00a0 I want<\/em> to work hard for a society where personal attributes like gender, age, sexual orientation, religion, ethnic background do not have any effect on how a person is perceived.\u00a0 We have a long way to go, but I really want to help get there.<\/p>\n This has drawn me to support, actively and passively, civil rights groups that I do not belong to.\u00a0 In general this is fulfilling work – I am doing something to help people other than myself (a very Christian activity) and helping to reshape the world into a better place.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, I have found that there are a number of pitfalls to this activity.\u00a0 Recently, I experienced some of them again.\u00a0 My comments on the Washington State “Defense of Marriage Alliance” proposal drew some strong negative comments from members of the gay community, here and on other blogs and forums.\u00a0 This echoed some more personal experiences that I had working even more closely with the Presbyterian gay rights movement about 12-15 years ago.<\/p>\n So, for your edification and to help me get past the pain recently experienced, here are some thoughts on what can go wrong when a member of the majority tries to work on behalf of a minority group.\u00a0 These are generally addressed to the majority person trying to work on behalf of the minority.<\/p>\n 1.\u00a0 You will never be a member of the group.\u00a0 Ironically, this can make you a 2nd class citizen in the minority’s community.<\/strong><\/p>\n Don’t forget this – you are not and will never be a member of the minority (well, with sexual orientation or economic status that’s not strictly true, but you get the idea).\u00a0 Some members of a particular minority are likely to view anyone not of that minority with serious doubt as to their commitment to “the cause”.\u00a0 In some cases, there will never be trust of a non-minority person.<\/p>\n As long as you are willing to toe the party line, you are probably safe from criticism.\u00a0 The minute that you choose to criticize the beliefs or tactics of the minority group (or even one faction of that group) you become open to having your sincerity doubted.\u00a0 You may be attacked for being a 5th-columnist (someone who attacks from within) representing the oppressive majority or a group of such people.<\/p>\n In today’s civil rights movements, an insidious concept has been invented – a pathological fear or hatred of the minority.\u00a0 This is true in some cases – burning a cross on the lawn of a black family shows a tendency to dislike black people.\u00a0 However, this concept of psychological fear or hatred of a group has been turned into a widely-used insult.\u00a0 Nowhere is this clearer than with the gay rights movement.\u00a0 “Homophobia” is the term used to label those who do not believe that homosexuality (or bisexuality or transgender inclinations) is fully acceptable in today’s society.\u00a0 A breakdown of the term itself would lead one to believe that homophobia is talking about fear of homosexuals.\u00a0 (or perhaps fear of homogenized milk?)\u00a0 In actual use it is an insult hurled at those who do not support full societal acceptance of homosexuality.<\/p>\n The problem with this insult is that in many cases the root definition is not true.\u00a0 Most anti-gay people are not afraid of gay people.\u00a0 They do not cringe in fear, crawl under their beds (or into closets?) and lock their door when two men walk down the street holding hands.\u00a0 They have (to some degree and depth) made a personal judgment of the ethics and morals of homosexuality and rejected it.\u00a0 No fear – just a personal decision.<\/p>\n So, back to our intrepid non-minority volunteer.\u00a0 If you choose to openly criticize the beliefs or tactics of the minority group (or often any portion of it), prepare to be labeled with all of the bad attributes of those that you’ve chosen to fight against.\u00a0 You will be seen as “one of them” and not “one of us”.\u00a0 Your words will be devalued.\u00a0 In short, the minority will try to make you feel as held down and victimized as they do.<\/p>\n Even worse – members of the minority itself experience this.\u00a0 One member of the gay rights community talked to me about how any gay person who challenges the tactics of the group gets labeled as “self-loathing”.\u00a0 He’s got his own internal homophobia.<\/p>\n I’m sorry – but this is all BS.\u00a0 It’s just the use of names and labels in an attempt to control that majority volunteer. In order for there to be a civil rights struggle by a minority group, there must be members of the majority to oppress them.\u00a0 (Side note – the oppression might no longer exist, but the fact that it once existed is enough to prolong the cause.\u00a0 Ask a left-handed person.)\u00a0 If you choose to be publicly associated with a minority group, you may draw the ire of members of the majority.\u00a0 If you support minority group Z, you will be labeled as a Z-lover, and probably as a Y-hater.\u00a0 You will be told that you (are you ready for this) have hatred towards your own people – your own self-loathing.<\/p>\n If the majority group has chosen to level morality charges against the minority, you will be open to them as well.\u00a0 For gay rights, your sexuality and sexual behavior may be questioned.\u00a0 You may be a “closeted gay”.\u00a0 In racial conflicts, this used to lead to your ancestry being questioned – that you aren’t as “pure” as you thought.<\/p>\n Paradoxically, this criticism is often easier to take than the criticism from the minority group itself.\u00a0 You are at least pointed in the right direction – you are taking fire from the front – from those that you have chosen to battle in your drive for equality for the minority group.\u00a0 The attacks from the minority group will more often come from behind, forcing you to battle on both fronts at once (and stand sideways, apparently).<\/p>\n 3.\u00a0 You will be told that you “can’t understand” what the minority group is going through.<\/strong><\/p>\n This is true.\u00a0 You truly are unable to feel the day to day pain caused by attacks on you for what you are.\u00a0 You might be part of one minority other than the one that you are speaking of, and in that case your pain is somewhat transferable.\u00a0 If you are a member of more or less every majority – you truly are unable to feel the pain.<\/p>\n HOWEVER, you obviously have a reason to be battling on behalf of the minority.\u00a0 You are expending energy and feeling pain (and joy sometimes) as you work for the cause.\u00a0 These emotions may pale in comparison to what a member of the minority is going through, but you feel them nonetheless.<\/p>\n You are lucky in that you have an escape route – you can simply stop working on behalf of the minority.\u00a0 It’s easy to melt back into the passive center of your majority group.\u00a0 However, this too comes at a cost.\u00a0 In order to stop the pain from your work on behalf of the minority, you must feel a different kind of pain caused by your decision to ignore your ethics and morals.\u00a0 In order to avoid the pain caused by this work, you cause yourself new pain by not being true to yourself (and in some cases, not being true to your religious beliefs).\u00a0 For those altruistic enough to try to help people without helping themselves in the process, turning your back is actually painful – an self-inflicted assault on your soul.<\/p>\n So what do you do?<\/strong><\/p>\n Majority people helping a minority – remember that you truly cannot feel the pain of the minority.\u00a0 Remember that you are working with wounded people – people who are under attack for being what God made them.\u00a0 They will sometimes react illogically to you and to themselves.\u00a0 Be sensitive, and try to learn as much as you can.\u00a0 Avoid hot buttons.<\/p>\n Minority groups dealing with help from the majority – be patient.\u00a0 Those who want to help you fall into two groups – those who truly care and those who want to appear to care.\u00a0 Members of the latter group will generally fall away over time.\u00a0 The former group are the folks that you want to keep – people who are doing this for no personal gain (other than maybe satisfaction of doing the right thing).\u00a0 Help them understand the pressures that you face.\u00a0 Teach them about your community.\u00a0 And remember that they are unlearning behaviors taught to them by ignorant people – they will come around in time.<\/p>\n All – everybody has the right to their opinion.\u00a0 Sometimes asserting that opinion may cause pain.\u00a0 Sometimes that opinion is right.\u00a0 Sometimes it is wrong.\u00a0 Sometimes it is ignorant.\u00a0 Educate each other.\u00a0 Avoid using the tactics of hate and marginalization on each other.\u00a0 You’re all facing in the same direction trying to accomplish the same goal – don’t confuse each other with the enemy.
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\n2.\u00a0 Members of the majority will decry you as well.<\/strong><\/p>\n