Faith and Discomfort
As my readers know, I’m going through a tough time right now. Being out of work for 6 months (tomorrow) is very difficult.
I have often heard people make statements about people going through difficult times (unemployment, death in the family, personal health problems) along the lines of “he/she has his/her faith to comfort him/her”. Or people speak about how their faith has been a comfort to them, creating a feeling of peace.
I don’t get that. I can’t think of a single experience when my life was difficult where my faith was a comfort to me. I can think of several happy times where I’ve felt something akin to “God in the room” and once akin to “God in my heart”. But those have never been difficult times. When life gets tough for me, it seems like God is absent.
For me, faith has always been more of a discomfort. I’m Presbyterian, and like all Reformed people I believe that we are not as good as we can be and must always strive to better ourselves. For me, faith is part of what pushes me to be a better person. Faith is a Discomfort. Faith is a way to push me off of my comfortable pattern of behavior in order to better myself or help others more. I’ll never be perfect. Faith pushes me to be better.
My pastor did a sermon on this that clearly stuck with me as I remember it over 2 years later: The Discomforter
That’s great while things are good. When things are bad, faith is still pushing me to improve. At that point I’m in a more fragile state – needing to be reminded that I am good. And my faith is telling me otherwise – that I can be better. The conclusion that is easy to draw is that my lack of perfection (or distance from perfection) is the reason for what happened to me. This is particularly true in work-related trouble – it’s easier to take a pass on personal reponsibility with a bad situation in a family member or a health situation.
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So for me, faith is more of a discomfort.
There is one exception. When life gets me down, the people who help me the most (aside from Carolyn) are church people. They do their best to understand what is happening with me, and to try to keep up with my life even though that might involve hearing unwanted bad news. Church people will pray for you, and even if God is not hearing those prayers you know that someone out there cares for you – and usually not someone who wants something from you. I’ll admit it – I’m not an easy person to deal with when experiencing heavy negative emotions, but they keep trying.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re saying to yourself, “Hey, Mark! Those people ARE God’s presence for you.” And you’re probably right. And I do realize that and appreciate it (though that appreciation may not make it through the emotions that I’m feeling to the surface).
I just don’t get faith as comfort.
So God – thank you for your people who you have sent to help me. There are too many of them to list here, but know that I see their efforts and appreciate them. Amen.
Blogger Blessings
I have been tagged by Gannet Girl at Search the Sea for a year-end blogger blessing. This seems to be how it works (from the person who blessed her):
The idea… it’s a game of tag with a difference, rather than looking inwardly, we look outside ourselves and bless, praise and pray for one blog friend. By participating in this endeavour we not only make the recipient of the blessing feel valued and appreciated, but we are having some fun too. We’re going to see how far the bloggin’ blessings can travel around the world and how many people can be blessed! Recipients of a bloggin’ blessing may upload the above image {I chose not to use the image – Mark} to their sidebar if they choose to. If you recieve a bloggin’ blessin’ please leave a comment on this thread here so that we can rejoice in just how many blessings have been sent around the world!
I am going to bless:
Will Smama for grace under fire in the past year. She has survived a very difficult life event and kept on rowing without permanently losing her mind or resorting to bad behavior.
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Adam and Sarah Walker Cleaveland as they move into the next phase of their lives after seminary.
Will Spotts as he moves on from the PC(USA) and yet continues to provoke deep thoughts. I value Will as the one shining star that I see coming from the “other” side of the liberal/conservative divide – he has consistently debated with respect and dignity for those who disagree. It’s amazing how rare that is.
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