Candlelit Labyrinth
This past Thursday, I went up to Camp Johnsonburg for one day of Family Camp. It was good to reconnect with friends from years gone by. I had some conversations that may help my faith growth and/or discernment processes.
This was the last full day of Family Camp for the week. As a result in the evening there was the special Communion vespers service (I ended up reading the scripture).
After the service, Lorelei led a candlelight labyrinth. At Camp Johnsonburg there is an outdoor labyrinth made of stones laid on the forest floor under some trees. At the center is a big tree with a cross leaning against it. The camp tradition is to carry a stone with you while walking the labyrinth, and to leave it at the foot of the cross when you are done. The labyrinth has been there 10 years – the stones are in a huge pile covering the bottom 1/2 of the 5′ cross.
I’ve walked this labyrinth during the day alone, during the day with campers of all ages, and twice in the winter as part of a retreat. Each walk is a different experience (even when you lead it 4 times a day with campers). But the candlelight labyrinth is VERY different.
I helped set up the candles. We took tea lights and placed them on flattened silver foil cupcake papers laid on flat rocks around the labyrinth. Just before we arrived, a few of the Leadership Training Program reunion youth lit them.
It was late twilight when we arrived, and fully dark (on a cloudy night) when we were done. At the beginning of my personal walk, I was able to see the path without the candles. By the time I finished walking all the way in and then retracing the path out I could only see the path WITH the help of the candles – and then just barely. For the first time that I’d walked this labyrinth I was uncertain of my path. (Indeed, one youth tried to finish and kept accidentally jumping paths. He gave up and walked out across the stones when he was still going 10 minutes after everybody else.)
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As I write this I’ve been unemployed for over a year. While I continue to perform my church duties and even take on additional ones, I’m struggling with God: both with some kind of sense of call, and with frustration with my continued joblessness. I’ve reached a point where I feel like I believe in God, but I don’t think God believes in me. And yet I still feel drawn to God and to the religious world and life in some form. It’s very confusing and very painful.
As I walked this time, a metaphor became clear to me. I experienced it as a future sermon illustration. The candles were like God’s presence in the flame (Holy Spirit, if you will). I had walked this labyrinth many times, but THIS time I was uncertain of the path. I was only able to see the path with the help of the candles. So then go parts of our lives? Only able to see the path with God’s aid? God is with us assisting us to find our path?
For now it’s just a future sermon illustration and I don’t feel like it applies to me. I do feel rather abandoned by God. But perhaps there will be a day when God finally gets around to giving me a path or showing me what the path is, and this metaphor will be more concrete for me.
Next year I’ll be President of the Deacons and need to preach, so at the very least I have an idea to file away for 18 months or so.
May you find your path, and help others find theirs, with God’s help.
Montreat Youth Conference 2009, part 2
Last week I attended the Montreat Youth Conference 2009 Week 5. I served both as a Small Group Leader and as a Back-Home Leader for my church’s group. This is the second post about the trip, and will consist of “what did I feel” and “what did or did not happen to me” during the week. The first post consists of the “what did I do”.
First – let me get one thing out of the way. Unlike last year, God did not choose to speak directly to me (ironic, considering that we covered the Burning Bush story). If God talked to me this time, it was through smaller things and other people. (And that does seem likely.)
This was a very stretchy week.
The first stretch was a little one. This was the longest car trip that I’ve ever taken alone. Oddly enough, all other trips of more than half of this one have been by air, or with someone. It wasn’t a big stretch, but it’s an interesting anecdote.
The biggest stretch was leading the small group. My small group consisted of 33 people besides myself. In my 20 years of business and church and life, I’ve never actually led a group that big. It went very well, and I was repeatedly affirmed during the week by both the youth and adults in the group. I also benefited greatly from the confidence that my back-home group had in me. There IS a lot of work involved in being a small group leader – mainly due to the prep work required. It’s also a little hard for an introvert as you have to be “on stage” for several hours each day. You have a badge and wristbands that identify you as conference leadership all day long, so you’re not really “off stage” unless you’re alone or in a group of other leaders (or in my case, with the back-home group). At any rate, this went really well. Put a check in the stretch and succeed column.
Another big stretch was Monday night’s worship service. I agreed to serve as a prayer station during the Prayers of the People. There were about 12 of us stationed around Anderson Auditorium. We stood there while music played and people came up to us with personal prayer requests. The easiest one that I got had to do with generic prayers for the broken people in the world. The hardest were a recent personal cancer diagnosis, and a person struggling with addiction. The Holy Spirit was clearly in my corner on this one – I was able to serve as a conduit for hurt and healing and just had to concentrate on saying the right thing. This was a huge stretch for me. Those who have been following my call/career/transition saga know that at one point I said that I am not the right person to be working with people going through serious issues (and that I was immediately called to do just that right after saying so). This was another one of those moments. Put another in the stretch and succeed column (I hope – I haven’t heard from God yet).
A third stretch was performing in the Talent Show. Now I know that my talent (shaking a bell pepper-shaped shaker) was minor, but it was fun to be part of the show rather than the guy behind the scenes for a change. Our young ladies and men sang so sweetly and Mike played guitar so well that we were truly amazing. I can’t wait for Rich to edit the video.
I am grateful for the friend who took the time to listen to my troubles for a few minutes out of his very busy life on Tuesday evening, even while we were making arrangements for other stuff later in the week.
I met a lot of good friends during the week – new and old. I HAVE to find time to go see Brian and Carol and little C sometime in their native habitat. I knew Carol a little from the radio show (and she wasn’t there), but I got to meet Brian and find out how amazing he is. I can immediately think of 10-12 other people that I met at Montreat that I KNOW that I want to find a way to work with again. It was such fun working and laughing with them.
This medicine is prescribed for the men’s most common sexual disorder i.e. erectile dysfunction. australia viagra Blueberries are rich buy viagra mastercard http://mouthsofthesouth.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/MOTS-2.27.16-P.-Jonson-Stowe.pdf in reservatrol to enhance levels of testosterone. So, leaving premature ejaculation discount cialis untreated can have psychological effects on you and your partner as well. Some of these are wholesale prices viagra mentioned below: Certification: for any institute, whether it is online or a traditional one, they need to have a certification that will state that they are an authentic institute and that they are important to and appreciated by management. I was TIRED. I got by with about 6 hours of sleep each night (I’m usually good for 8 hours). As Rich told me, the Holy Spirit does get behind you and push. I’m not sure that I’d recommend being both a Small Group and Back-Home Leader in the same week, but it truly is possible. My only regret is that it took time away from my Back-Home group. I think that a better way is to do two weeks and have your back-home group arrive the SECOND week, when you already have the sessions figured out.
The Montreat conference family is a little tough to join for the first time, but it’s totally worth it. For the first few days I was a little lost in the “inside” language (“innie vs. outie” for people responsible for stuff inside vs. outside the auditorium, for example) and I felt a bit like a well-loved new foster child. By the end of the week I felt more like a family member.
The Small Group Leaders that ate together on Sunday morning all commented on the Bacon Alarm Clock that comes with sleeping above the kitchen. Bacon quickly became the theme for our week. We talked about recipes containing bacon. We talked about what people make out of bacon (the AK-47 being the most mentioned). The official photographer had every small group yell “BACON!” when taking their picture.
One youth decided that I looked like Wallace Shawn playing Fizzini in Princess Bride (“Inconceivable!”).
I do not yet know what if any impact that this conference will have on my future. I did get an inkling that some friends may be trying to find a way to pay me to do something for them – and if it is truly the right thing to do for them I hope that it works out. I have learned that I can do some things that I didn’t know I could do before. It was good to have so many positive affirmations from so many people during the week. Here are two of my favorites from my small group:
(From the Blessings page in the booklet) “Thanks for keeping it awesome and if all else fails you can always take up the Bell Pepper professionally. -X”
I ran into one of my small group kids walking the other way in front of Anderson:
Me: Hi, Faith!
Faith: Oh good! You’re excited to see me!
I don’t know what the next year will bring, but next summer Montreat (and probably being a small group leader) will be on the short list of possibilities.
Montreat Youth Conference 2009 Part 1
Last week I attended the Montreat Youth Conference 2009 Week 5. I served both as a Small Group Leader and as a Back-Home Leader for my church’s group. This is the first post about the trip, and will consist of the “what did I do”. The second post will consist of “what did I feel” and “what did or did not happen to me” during the week.
I started out a day ahead of my Back-Home group on Friday the 24th. I drove 8 hours to Salem, VA and spent the night at a motel. During the evening I did some work finishing up the choice of music for use in my small group.
The next morning I headed out and arrived at Montreat. Upon arrival I ventured into Assembly Inn. A staff meeting was going on so there was nobody to check me in. Tully found me and guided me to meet Russ, one of the Small Group Leader leaders. After some travail finding out that the Assembly dining room was closed, we headed over to the Huckleberry for lunch.
In the first hour, I met at least 5 people that I had only previously known from the Internet, including Kathryn, Anna, and Tara. This continued for several days, with people looking at me and saying “you’re Mark, right? From the blog?” A social networker I am, apparently.
Saturday afternoon and evening and Sunday morning consisted of Small Group Leader training. The Omega (weeks 5 and 6) leadership came and gave us the rundown on what they’d be talking about and doing during the week. We learned some of the games (a few by playing), and were properly trained in Sexual Misconduct policies. We signed up for our slots assisting with the various recreation, worship and other activities during the week. We also did a “run-through” of Monday’s small group stuff – something that was repeated for the rest of the week almost daily. Those run-throughs gave us some idea of what to expect and what had worked and not worked during the week.
I stayed on the 3rd floor of Assembly Inn. My Back-Home leader and I had agreed that he already had enough other leaders that I wasn’t necessary overnight, and that I’d get more sleep at Assembly. The room was very comfortable. At night the windows let in the cool mountain air and I had no trouble sleeping because of heat. Our room (I shared it with a college student SGL) was above the kitchen and for the first few days I was awoken by the “Bacon Alarm Clock” at 5:30am – when the odors of breakfast wafted into the room. (Later in the week I was so tired that I slept through this alarm.)
My back-home group arrived on Sunday afternoon and I greeted them and shared dinner with them. For the rest of the week I had lunches and dinners with my back-home group and breakfast with the Assembly Inn crew of SGL’s, other youth groups, and other leadership. Each night I joined devotions with my back-home group until 11:30 or midnight, then walked back to Assembly.
Then the days began. The night before (if I was lucky, the afternoon before) I prepared the small group activities for the next day – making notes and preparing paper game pieces, newsprint sheets, or whatever was required. I was usually able to finalize the morning Small Group session before the Keynote started at 9am, and then joined my back-home group for Keynote. Then morning Small Group, lunch, afternoon Small Group, and then different things each day. Monday afternoon was the special recreation event in Small Groups. Tuesday was a little free and I made it to the run-through for Wednesday/Thursday. Wednesday was the free afternoon and my back-home group went to Asheville for the afternoon (more later). Thursday afternoon I was involved in recording for the God Complex Radio show AND the sound check for the Talent Show and missed the Friday run-through. Friday afternoon was quiet, so I packed to get ready to leave Saturday.
In the evenings there was a different event each night. Sunday evening was orientation and a recreation event. During the Sunday rec event I prepped for Monday. Monday’s evening event was the Disco Inferno dance party with glow-in-the-dark everything, and I was prepping for Tuesday. On Tuesday evening I missed the “concert” by Glenis Redmond because I was chatting with a friend who was also at Montreat. Wednesday night’s rec event was a showing of Wall-E, which was rained out and held indoors – I helped out inside for a while and then was sent to “walk around” outside as many youth were out and about. Thursday night’s event was the “Montreat’s Got Talent” show and my back-home group participated (more later). Friday evening’s rec event was early and was the “Hot in Here” karaoke inside and games outside – I “supervised” the bocce ball set.
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Each day had a different theme. Monday’s theme was all about how the World is on Fire – how things are broken. It also included a discussion of safe spaces – using the “tree outside the house that we go to in case of fire” as the metaphor. Tuesday’s theme was Baptism, and how we are called to help fix the world. Wednesday’s theme was Communion, and we talked and identified our communion of saints as our cloud of witnesses. Thursday was Offering, and we talked about offering ourselves as a way to fix the world. We’d also been taking a collection of loose change in a drink bottle during small group, and on Thursday I processed with that at the beginning of worship and placed it with the offering baskets. Friday’s theme was being sent out into the world to fight the fires, and ended with the traditional candlelight circle around Lake Susan.
On Saturday I moved out and joined my back-home group for the 12 hour drive home. I switched off driving with Mike, one of the college students in my back-home group, and we used my vehicle as a baggage car. Mike and I had lots of long talks and got to know each other much better, and I really enjoyed the trip. It went by much faster than I expected and I was awake enough to finish out the drive.
The God Complex Radio show made an appearance. A solid 2/3 of the team was all at Montreat this week – Bruce Reyes-Chow (serving as the conference Co-Director’s husband, not to mention Moderator), Brian Merritt (serving as the leader of the Work Crew), and Heather Scott (working on either Aud or A/V crew – I’m not sure which) were there along with me. Thursday afternoon Brian and I along with Jason Meyers (a college student from my back-home group) set up inside the lobby of Anderson Auditorium and recorded some youth for use in a future God Complex program. On Friday at lunch we set up again at Bruce’s “GA Moderator Town Hall” on the porch of the Galax House and recorded some adults. Those recordings will now be edited and turned into a segment for a future broadcast.
I absolutely LOVED my back-home group, and they loved me. I felt bad that my small group duties kept me away from them, but they showed a lot of care for me in making sure that I was feeling good about my experience. I was nervous about being a small group leader, and I totally felt the support of my PCOL peeps. The group proved to be a fairly easy group to lead and take on a trip – with the biggest problems being things like keeping the house clean.
I also LOVED my small group, and they loved me back. They, too, were very easy to lead. We had a great mix of personalities and ages (including the adults) and that made for a truly great group. Everyone participated and I could clearly see many stepping out of their comfort zones. We had two VERY deep theological discussions early in the week – moving in one discussion from a game that showed that all were part of the same team all the way to a discussion of pluralism vs. the idea that all should be Christian … in 10 minutes! We also discovered a lot of thespian talent in the room in the skits that we did.
On Thursday, the Lawrenceville back-home group performed Jack Johnson’s “Rainbow” with Rich on rhythm guitar, Mike on solo lead guitar, me on bell pepper-shaped shaker, and several of the youth singing. Performing before the 1200 or so Montreat folks was the largest crowd that I’ve EVER perfomed in front of, unless you count playing in the pep band or marching band at college games. Our group was INCREDIBLE. Even more incredible than our group was the overall talent level of the entire set of performers – EVERYBODY was good (and the acts were randomly drawn, so that’s amazing).
There were really only two downsides to the week. First – our group may or may not have brought a cold with us, but over the course of the week many of us had a cold (me towards the end). Second – relatives of one of the year-round residents of Montreat (NOT connected with the conference) were going around all week throwing water balloons and tennis balls at people. Our group was hit with balloons early, and with tennis balls DURING the candlelight service around the lake. The grandparents of the offenders (a mid-20’s man and his nephew) denied everything. I hope that the conference center works with the town to prevent this during other conference weeks.
All in all it was a good week and a tiring week. I almost wish that I’d stayed a second week, but I fear that I’d be all the way out of energy if I had.
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