Deacon Sunday Sermon – Nudges and Shoves – 5/22/2011

Below is the sermon that I preached yesterday for Deacon Sunday at my church.  At my church, the Deacon President preaches for this service.

First Old Testament Reading:  Psalm 139:1-18
Second Old Testament Reading:  Jonah 1:1-4,7,11-12,15-2:1,2:10-3:3a

Audio:  Here

Have you ever wondered what you should be when you grow up?  Whenever you might grow up?

Have you ever wondered if you are doing today what you are supposed to be doing?

Yeah, me too.

Parker Palmer in his book Let Your Life Speak quotes a poem from May Sarton:

Now I become myself
It’s taken time, many years and places.
I have been dissolved and shaken,
Worn other people’s faces ….

The journey of discovering who we are is often a long one, a winding journey, and one that has almost as many steps back as forward.  In the church, we call the destination “vocation”.

We often associate vocation with a job in the church, but vocation is so much more than that.  God gives each of us gifts, and calls each of us to a job or a role in life – a vocation – that will use those gifts in the best way.  In essence, we are called to discover who we are – who God has made us to be – and once we find it to be that person as best as we can.  You may be called to a role in the church, or perhaps another career in medicine, law, advertising, sports, or science just to name a few.

The good news is that God already knows who we are meant to be.  In the Psalm we heard this morning it says:  “In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed.”  Some people call this God’s Plan for Us, but I believe it’s simpler than that – it’s God’s revelation of who we are.

And we’re not alone in finding out who we are.  God is present in the journey, and nudges us along the way.  Those nudges take a lot of different forms.  Most are subtle – an internal tug within ourselves to something that interests us, a thought that seems to have come from outside of our self, or the words of encouragement of a trusted friend or mentor, or an insight after reading something.  Some are more like shoves, not as subtle, taking the form of dreams or visions or hearing an actual voice – and many of the stories in the Bible take that form.  However we hear the message, God is with us, and will not let us go until we understand.  It just takes time.

Jonah heard God’s voice at the beginning of today’s scripture.  It was a little more than a nudge, but less than a shove.  The shoves came later.

Jonah was a prophet, and as such likely accustomed to transmitting the word of God to others.  In this story, God tells Jonah to go to Nineveh, and cry out against it for God had seen the wickedness of that city.  At the time, Nineveh was an enemy of Israel, and this was a dangerous message, to be delivered to the enemy.

Jonah heard the message of God very clearly, but decided not to follow it.  And the nudge didn’t quite work in this case.  Albert Schweitzer was also nudged by God into his first career, through much subtler means.

Albert Schweitzer heard his early call through a still, small voice.  The son and grandson of preachers, Dr. Schweitzer himself chose theology and philosophy as his areas of study at the University of Strasbourg, ultimately earning a PhD at the age of 22.  One of his professors advised him to consider a teaching position in philosophy, but he chose theology as his primary focus.  In his autobiography he says, “to me preaching was an inner necessity. The opportunity to speak every Sunday to a congregation about the essential questions of life seemed to me wonderful.”  From his earliest years his call to ministry was expressed through his internal spirit – through his gifts and interests given to him at his creation.  And so he went on to succeed in his field, serving a church, leading a theological seminary, and publishing a famous work of theology.

Sometimes God speaks to us through ourselves, by giving us interest in a particular subject, or through us hearing someone else tell us what they see as our gifts.  Schweitzer heard that quiet call to ministry in his early career.

My own story of becoming my true self starts with a bit of nudging as well.

I was a lot like some of the youth in this church when I was in high school.  I was quite involved in the church, serving as a Deacon and going to Triennium, working at Camp Johnsonburg and serving in the higher levels of the Presbyterian church system.  I was also a bit of a geek, taking every computer course my high school had, playing in the band and serving on the stage crew.

I started at Rutgers feeling that I was headed one of two ways – either to a future in the ministry, or to a future working in the computer field – and I started by taking courses in both.  Then I had a bad experience on campus, and a few months later I saw a few odd things happen in my work in the greater church.  And I came to the conclusion that the church was about a small group of people trying to control the actions and beliefs of a larger group of people. As a result I quit my church roles and walked away.  I was done with the church, though not done with God.

More than 15 years later, I reconnected with the church through the camp.  One summer Sunday while volunteering, I began to form an inner question – whether or not I should be attending a church again every Sunday.  Talking with others I discovered that this was a common question, and I worked with the camp staff to develop a weekend retreat to help adults figure out whether or not to return, and if so how to find the right church for them.

Guided by what I learned at the retreat, my search process led me to Lawrenceville (with a few well-placed nudges from Alicia Pasko Morrison and Jill van den Heuvel).  That was in 2006.  Shortly after that, invitations from individuals and the congregation brought me to my work with the Deacons and with the youth.

All throughout this time I began to periodically wonder if I was in the right job.  I’d been working in Information Technology for 20 years at this point, and I began to wonder if the world of machines and concentrating on the bottom-line and career advancement was where I belonged.  My co-workers tell me that I would light up when I talked about my church work, particularly with the youth.  I starting thinking about and researching seminary.  I bought the Parker Palmer book that is referenced earlier and in the bulletin, and spent lunchtime at work reading it to try to figure out what I was feeling and hearing around vocation.  Something was beginning to change.

There are three questions that I have for you to consider today about your own journey.  The first question is this – when have you heard a nudge from God in your life?  When have you made a choice without really knowing why you did?  When has someone else said to you “You really should consider” this or that, often without knowing why they were asking the question?  Has God nudged you?  Is God nudging you today?

Sometimes God gives us a shove, because we need it.

Jonah decided to turn from God’s direction.  He hot-footed it out of town and boarded a ship to Tarshish as a passenger, directly in the opposite direction of Nineveh.

While Jonah was on the ship to Tarshish, God turned to shoves.  God caused a great storm to come up on the sea and put the ship in danger.  This storm was bad enough that it scared even the seasoned sailors on board. The crew, realizing that Jonah was the cause of their trouble, asked him what they should do to him, so that God would end the storm.  Jonah, apparently seeing that he was putting their lives in danger as well as his own, told them to throw him overboard so that the sea would become quiet for them.  Jonah understood that he had taken a course against God, and begins to show signs of a change of heart – at least as far as putting others in danger.

Finally in desperation the crew pleaded directly to God.  They asked for God’s forgiveness for what they were about to do, and then threw Jonah overboard, expecting him to drown and at that point the sea calmed.

Jonah expected to drown, in order to save the ship and the crew.  But instead, something fantastic happened.  He was swallowed up by large fish.  And scripture tells us that he lived in the belly of the fish for three days and three nights.

Alcar, as it is also known, has neuro-protectant properties needed to repair peripheral nerve damage that affects sexual arousal and cause a decrease in production of cialis viagra canada mouthsofthesouth.com testosterone, the male hormone testosterone. Dosage guidance of the pillsRunning sample viagra pills the dose under the physician supervision would be helpful. How to use? Tadalista should be used as a narcotic too? Only sometimes because regularly tadalafil pharmacy does not acts in this way. viagra is an FDA-approved oral prescription medication for the treatment of a heart disease known as angina pectoris. Other Links Other research has shown that a high number of women suffering from PMS symptoms sample viagra for free mouthsofthesouth.com also exhibit spinal dysfunction. God’s shove for Jonah was very clear.  Albert Schweitzer’s shove was a little more mysterious, but just as clear to him.

One summer day in Schweitzer’s 21st year he awoke, and lying in bed he pondered his good fortune.  Before he finally arose he had reached a decision – he would pursue his passions and scholarship until he was 30, and after that he would devote himself directly to serving humanity.  The exact nature of how he would do that wasn’t yet clear, but the direction was.

Another morning eight years later he found a copy of the magazine of the Paris Missionary Society on his writing table.  He was about to put the magazine down and take up his studies when an article caught his eye – “Les besoins de la Mission du Congo” – The needs of the Congo Mission.  The article spoke of the mission of the society in the French colony of Congo – the mission that was founded by Robert and Isabelle Nassau, who were members of this church.  The author of the article expressed the hope that his appeal would bring some of those “on whom the Master’s eyes already rested” to a decision to offer themselves to this work, concluding “Men and women who can reply simply to the Master’s Call, ‘Lord, I am coming,’ those are the people that the Church needs.”  Schweitzer’s autobiography states the working of God in his heart very simply:  “I finished the article and quietly began my work.  My search was over.”

Albert Schweitzer expressed the shove as a clear call – through the words of a magazine writer but nonetheless directed clearly at him.

For me, the shoves started in the summer of 2008 – a summer of extremes.

The high for the summer was the youth conference trip.  Our church staff and advisors led a group of youth and young adults to the Montreat Youth Conference for what was my first time at the Montreat center. The trip connected me with my prior church life in ways as subtle as listening to Sheridan singing while Rich played guitar, to ways as extraordinary as an experience that I had during a worship service that I can only call a vision.  It was made clear to me that week that while I had been considering my past church experiences and my present church experiences two separate parts of my life’s story, they were actually one journey.  I left Montreat feeling the best I’d felt in a very long time, and at the same time wondering even more whether I still fit in the corporate world that I lived in every day.

And then 10 days later, I was laid off from my job – a job that I’d held for over 13 years.  And … in one morning I was cut off from my income, from the large part of my sense of self-worth that was wrapped up in my job, and from the friends that I saw everyday.  I was isolated, spending a much larger part of my day alone at home.  I’m an introvert, but at some point being alone that much becomes too much.

To this day I’m still not sure of God’s part in my layoff.  At the time it felt very much like I was being kicked out of the nest – that I needed to get out of my old job and consider the church as a career.  Or maybe it was a little like being thrown into the sea.

For the next 18 months I searched for another Information Technology job, with no success.

In December of 2009, I interviewed for and was nearly chosen for an IT job in a non-profit organization, indirectly supporting youth.  After a few weeks I was told that another candidate was selected – that it was “this close” – and I was devastated.  I began to wonder why God had chosen to ignore my prayers, had left me standing alone.  Through my work on the Deacons and in the church, I very clearly saw God at work in other people’s lives, but not in mine.

A few days after New Years God gave me another shove.

One particular morning, I was lying in bed and suddenly had the feeling that I was standing up next to my bed.  Next to me, on my left, was this sort of orange-colored, milky, cloud – about the size of a person.  It was completely clear to me that this was God.  At the same time I got the sense of two things happening at once.

The first thing was that I was standing looking out into the world, and God was standing next to me looking into the world.  Both of us were silent but fully present to each other.  God was there for me.

The other thing that was happening at the time was a sense that I was standing looking into the world, and God was facing me … screaming and gesturing at the top of God’s lungs, gesturing wildly … and I wasn’t getting any of it.  The idea was very clear – that God wasn’t ignoring me, but that I just wasn’t hearing the message.

Through all of this I had a sense of eerie calm that I’d only felt once before – during the vision at Montreat.  It felt like all of my troubles were lifted and that all was right with the world.

And then it ended, and I was back lying in bed.

A couple of weeks later I was having a rough morning and a friend offered to have coffee.  She is a pastor in the area, and a recent graduate from Princeton Seminary.  During the conversation I talked about what was bothering me and I inexplicably found myself asking her for information and advice on attending seminary.  That started a more earnest process of discernment about seminary and a call to ministry.

So, my second question to you is:  When have you felt a shove from God?  Has God ever reached out to you to tell you something in a way that made you just Stop and take notice?  Is God shoving you today?

Throughout all of the disruptions in life, God is still with us.  God walks beside us on the journey that God has made.

God was still with Jonah even after he was thrown overboard.  After three days in the fish, Jonah was ready to talk to God.  In a poetic prayer, Jonah speaks of his distress after being thrown into the water, and how he cried out to God.  Jonah spoke of being distant from God, never again to be in God’s sight, but that God pulled him up out of the water.  Jonah prayed that he would do what he had originally vowed to do.

And at that point, God caused the fish to spit Jonah out onto dry land, and Jonah again heard the voice of God telling him to go to Nineveh.  And this time, he did, proclaiming God’s word there.

And the people there responded, and in turn were spared.

Albert Schweitzer had a happy ending as well, with God’s help.

Over the next eight years Dr. Schweitzer concluded his work at the seminary and began his medical studies to become a doctor.  At the age of 38, he reached the mission at Lambarene and began his work.  In his two trips to Africa before and after World War One he re-established a clinic from the ground up that had a capacity of 200 patients.

I concentrated for the rest of last year on discerning whether or not God is calling me to seminary and the ministry.  I met with a number of people and audited a class at the seminary.  The Session of this church and the presbytery have taken me under care in the official “becoming a Presbyterian minister” process.  My wife and I have worked hard at discernment of what the changes to our life will be, and have planned for school and the future.  I will be starting my Master of Divinity degree at Princeton Seminary this summer.

And God has been with me, though at times I didn’t quite see it.  This church, particularly Jill Cifelli, Rich, some youth and some friends, supported me, as well as my friends from Facebook and Twitter.  The church and the Deacons in particular gave me a place to use my time and talents for good and I found myself choosing to work for the church to fill my time.  I also had the support of my loving wife who rode the rollercoaster with me, going through her own journey that my situation caused as I went through mine.  God was there to support me through the long dark time.

So here’s the third question – when have you felt God with you on your journey?  How have you felt God’s support during the hard times?  Who has been the face of God to you?

God is with us.  God has known each of us from the moment that we existed, and knows who we are meant to be.  God helps us along the way in ways both quiet and still, and loud and unusual.  With God’s help, each of us can find the way in God’s time to becoming the best person that we can be.

And that is good.

Amen.

Manifestation of God

January 11, 2011 by · 16 Comments
Filed under: Candidate Process, Religion 

In the Christian world, we are now in the season of Epiphany.  It starts January 6th (the day of Epiphany) and ends Ash Wednesday.  In Greek, the word that “epiphany” is derived from means “manifestation, shining forth, revelation or appearance”.  It’s a dual-use term – both meaning a time that the invisible God appears and a sudden realization of the larger essence or meaning of something.  It’s the “aha” moment and/or a moment of the presence of God, perhaps at the same time.

My story of vocational discernment and the winding path of the last 25 or so years includes a few instances where I am hard pressed to explain something without God’s involvement.  In one case I had a vision during a worship service at a youth conference.  In another case I had a dream with a strong message.  Ultimately these events led me to make the decision that the ministry is my likely future.  I start at Princeton Seminary in the summer or fall.

Last January there were several events that happened at a critical point in this journey.  One day I went to a job fair and found myself trying to reconnect with a seminary.  Another day a friend had coffee with me on a very rainy morning when I was feeling very off-kilter, and gave me advice that led to the heavy-duty discernment that followed.  And on another January day (before the other two, I think) something else happened.  Something else I haven’t written about on this blog yet.

I’d been praying to God for direction.  I’d been lamenting God’s absence from my life, God’s refusal to answer my prayers.  I felt that God had decided to ignore me.  To make my job layoff happen and then leave me hanging.  To call me to the church, back to the church, and to heavy church volunteering, but still to leave me wondering about whether the church should be my future.  I felt alone and that God was not present.

In the mornings at our house, our routine has been set for years – caused by jobs.  (And we still do this, even though I really don’t need to get up at a specific time.)  My wife gets up at 6am and gets into the shower, then comes back out and crawls back in bed until it’s time for me to get up at 6:30am.  Then we get up and feed the cat and do the rest of the morning things.  That time between 6 and 6:30 has become a time of drowsy wakefulness where I’m somewhere between dead to the world and fully awake and waiting for 6:30am (different levels of consciousness on different days).

On this particular day, Carolyn was in the shower.  I was lying in bed face up.  I suddenly had the feeling that I was standing next to the bed.  And that God was next to me.  I had a sense of an orange fog being next to me (orange being VERY clear) and knowing that it was God.  And that two things were happening at the same time.

One impression I had was that God was standing next to me, facing in the same direction as me, and was otherwise quiet.  Just standing there at my side (left side for some reason) facing the world with me.  And throughout this experience I had a sense of eerie calm – that all was well with the world.  I’d felt that sensation once before during the vision mentioned above.

At the same time I also had another impression.  I was facing the world.  God was standing beside me facing me, yelling at the top of God’s lungs, and gesturing wildly.  And I wasn’t hearing or seeing it at all.

And then I was awake, still lying in bed, Carolyn still in the shower.  And the sense of calm and all is well and God is with me remained.  When Carolyn came out of the shower, I told her all about it.

It came at a time that I needed to know that God was with me.  The imagery of God trying to tell me something and me not getting it at all was also clear.  And it set me up for other events later that week and month that have set me on my road to a second career.

I usually experience God’s presence through others.  A friend at lunch or coffee.  A youth in youth group.  A stranger being helped.  Someone who tells you how much you’ve helped them and you can’t really figure out what you did.  A thank you for your hard work.  The whole congregation during a particularly moving worship service.

But once in a while (more often than I deserve), God shows up for me in a very personal way.

A private, quiet, Manifestation of God.  An Epiphany, which prepared me for other epiphanies to come.

Thanks be to God.

This blog entry is part of a synchroblog.  Here are other blogs that are taking part:

For some, this is a very embarrassing situation and why not? Women will not be cheap viagra from usa satisfied and it can put the body wastage back into your body that will for sure generate various issues. You can buy kamagra online which is one of the advantages of getting a Texas online adult driver ed are: Short and simple: The refresher course for adults is of 4-6 generic overnight viagra hours. In order to get viagra no prescription achieve better stamina while performing sex one has to follow certain health tips which will increase local pressure, result in poor blood flow, aggravate prostate edema, cause urination disorder, or even induce acute urinary retention. The protection, rejuvenation and tadalafil cipla 20mg hydration must happen on the cellular level. Mike Victorino – What To Do?

Beth Patterson – A Robust Universe Includes The Botched and Bungled

Jeff Goins – The Manifestation Of God

Jeremy Myers – Pagan Prophecies Of Christ

Minnow – When God Shows Up

Alan Knox – A Day I Saw Jesus

Ellen Haroutunian – Stories of Epiphany

Liz Dyer – God Breaking Through Moments

Kathy Escobar – orphans

Josh Morgan – The Manifestation Of God

Steve Hayes – Theophany: the manifestation of God

Sarah Bessey – In which Annie opens the door of her heart

Christine Sine – Eve of Epiphany – We Have Come, We Have Seen, Now We Must Follow

Tammy Carter – Blessing The Beloved

Katherine Gunn – Who Is God

Montreat Youth Conference, part 1

August 5, 2008 by · 5 Comments
Filed under: Religion, Youth 

Last week I went to the Montreat Youth Conference as an adult advisor for my church’s youth group.  During the trip, I had an experience that was … well … let me just describe it.

First, a little background.  I’ve written before about my experiences with the church and my departure from the church almost 20 years ago.  If you don’t want to read that, here’s a summary:  very involved as a youth (deacon, Synod YAD, church camp), in college a few things happened and I left the church completely.  I began searching for a congregation related to my return to church just about 3 years ago this month, and joined my current congregation later that fall.  I’m currently serving as a youth advisor for the Sr. High youth group, co-chairing a committee, and I’m about to start serving as a deacon again.

During Monday night’s worship at Montreat, the song “Here I Am, Lord” was sung.  This song was very popular at Camp Johnsonburg when I was working there, and I was happy to sing it again.

Around about the 2nd verse, I started getting very emotional and tearing up.  Around about the 3rd verse, I started to get a picture in my head – one that I can’t claim came from me.

The picture showed something of a timeline.  Over on the left side, there was a dark black line that represented my religious involvement of the past – from about age 13 to age 19.  On the right side, there was another shorter dark black line that represented my religious involvement of the past few years.  There was a big blank space in between.  As we sang, I saw the picture of a jumper wire (almost like a car’s jumper cable, but more like something used in electronics work) connecting the two lines.  I have been considering my religious life of the past to be different from the present.  I believe that the message here is that they are part of a single whole and remain connected.

So I was standing there, singing, tears in my eyes, and a picture in my head that I didn’t put there.

In my mind, this was a full-on Religious Experience.  Maybe even a Vision.  I mean … if there had been a shaft of sunlight and Baptist dancers flying through the air I’d be a Blues Brother now.  It was a really weird experience.

I’ve been skeptical of those who claim to have visions or have other divinely-inspired events in their lives.  Not anymore.  I think I get it now.  A later discussion with a family member produced that person’s story of a similar experience.

At the time that this happened, I had no idea what it meant.  I’m still not sure that I do.
Core percussive actions Daily basis consumption of nitrate based medication like nitroglycerin ought not be taken while taking this product ought not to be rearranged on own, the pharmaceuticals ought to be expended legitimately and with fitting restorative aid. generic viagra It tadalafil that starts working in a discount cialis matter of fact, this problem does have the potential to destroy even seemingly solid relationship and tear them apart, due to the hype around it and its inability to withstand scientific scrutiny. Of late, we cheap soft cialis saw the launch of kamagra oral jelly, which men with problems in erection are suggested to take about 20-30 minutes before getting in to sexual activity. Many men across the purchase levitra http://downtownsault.org/easten-upper-peninsulas-only-organic-hair-salon-expands-celebrates-re-grand-opening/ world are deprived of sexual intercourse.
The first thing that I did was ask my youth director to join me at The Huck for some ice cream so that I could talk about this (and another youth joined us for “Introvert Time”).  On the way we met Jorge Gonzales who was doing music for the week and I got a chance to thank him.

Later in the week I might have gotten some idea of the meaning behind this.

All youth and adults participating in small groups were assigned to a Small Group of about 30 people.  Those groups were broken down into smaller “Threshold” groups of about 6.  I got an opportunity to talk about this experience with my Threshold Group, but due to time constraints I barely got through the story before we had to move onto something else.

The theme for the week was “Throw Open the Doors”.  There were door metaphors tossed around during all activities.  On Friday (the last day of the conference), our Small Group leader asked “what doors have opened for you this week?”  I had a few ideas in my head, and the one that I chose was:  Don’t let the experiences of the past (meaning negative ones) color your view of your experiences of the present.  When I said that the Small Group said things like, “Dude.  That’s not just a door – that’s like a big gate or something.”

Later that evening we had the closing worship.  The preacher was Michelle Thomas-Bush (who I met through this blog).  She told a story about her 20th high school reunion.  At the reunion she met a man who had been in school with her.  He explained that he couldn’t remember anything about his high school experience at all.  He was being abused by his parents at the time, and all of his memories of that period are one big black mess.  He came to the reunion in order to rediscover his high school memories.  He was the life of the party, talked to everybody, and learned a few things.  At the end of the evening he talked to Michelle again.  She asked him if he’d learned anything.  He reported a few memories of good times and stupid high school tricks, but his main message was that this night was his New High School Memory.

Sound familiar?  Yeah, I thought so too.

I’m still working on how to apply these revelations to my life, though the implications for my church life are pretty obvious.  Back in December, I wrote this about how those once hurt by the church may keep looking over their shoulder for trouble to come again.  I think that part of the message is clear – stop looking over your shoulder.  We’ll see.  Being a Christian is hard.

As for the rest, that is not quite apparent yet.  More in the next post on the conference.