2010: My personal Year in Review
Filed under: Candidate Process, Job Search, Life, Religion, Seminary, Work
I haven’t done a Year in Review post for a few years because I didn’t have any good news then. The two New Years after the layoff were times that I survived rather than showing improvement. This year was different. Very up and down, but averaging to up.
I started the year still looking for a secular job and having little luck, depressed after just barely missing out on a job right before Christmas. (Irony: after I made my decision to change direction, the person that they picked left and they wanted to interview me again.) That all changed with two days close together in January. One day a good friend accompanied me to a job fair at Rutgers, which turned that day from a depressing trip to a job fair to a day with a friend and by-the-way time at a job fair. We also had lunch with the campus Protestant chaplain at Rutgers and I found myself asking her to have the local seminary contact me. Later I realized that I had no idea why I’d asked for that. A couple weeks later I had a rough Monday morning and the same friend met met for coffee. That conversation led me to make the decision that I had to do serious vocational discernment and seriously consider seminary. What followed that decision is a long story that gets told as the year follows.
February found me stretching in many ways. I started auditing a class at Princeton Seminary and meeting with folks from the seminary and my church about my sense of call. I started serving on my first presbytery committee. I started spiritual direction. And at this point in my journey I was on a dual track – religious vocational discernment and secular job search.
March found me working a part-time job for a local ecumenical group serving as the project manager for a June justice revival weekend. It also found me working full-time (to start) for the US Census counting noses at group living facilities and service-based locations (shelters, food banks). Regretfully the Census job didn’t pan out as advertised and the “full-time” work ended up being at best 15 hours a week and only lasted 3 weeks. But it did give me a technical break in unemployment that allowed me to form my own small business. That business continues to provide a small amount of income and will hopefully do so as I go forward in school. March also found me being approved by the Session of my church to apply to be an Inquirer in the PC(USA).
April found me making what was nearly the final turn to the new direction. The justice revival work got going in earnest. I started the Youth Ministry Certificate program at Princeton Seminary with a retreat before the annual Youth Forums. And I started some steps to take care of the space between my ears.
May was packed with growth for me. The work between my ears got going in earnest. My justice revival work was in high gear before the June weekend. I got to be in the audience of The Daily Show and spend a great evening with two friends. And I got to go to the Unconference (in Maryland in 2010) and make new friendships that I hope to have for years if not forever.
In June the justice revival happened and was an amazing and tiring weekend. And I began preparations for July. Also in June I began working on the family stresses that were created by my discernment process and change of career.
In July I got an opportunity that I’d been hoping for since I returned to the church and started working with youth – I got to go to the Presbyterian Youth Triennium. The youth director at my church wrote the Small Group Manual, and as a result I was able to attend as Small Group Staff, Small Group Leader Trainer, and as a Small Group Leader. My presbytery’s delegation was housed across the street from the dorm that I was in, so we got to spend a lot of time together. I had a blast, and attending Triennium cemented my sense of call. After that trip, the last obstacle between me and my new career path was resolved, and my new journey began. At the end of July, Carolyn and I got to take a short vacation that we desperately needed – giving us time to reconnect and re-explore each other.
August was a quiet month of preparation work. I spent the time getting ready for the new year at church (in my new role as President of the Deacons, and with new youth staff) and preparing to meet with CPM. The Committee on Preparation for Ministry of my presbytery approved me as an Inquirer at the end of the month, beginning the official process towards ordination as a PC(USA) minister. I also began my work on applications for Princeton Seminary.
They are either available as synthetic drugs ( cheap cialis) or herbal pills (Horny Goat Weed). The United States, for instance, has a food and drug administration that oversees prescriptions, among viagra uk sales other things. The drug is known by the name of a vegetable that is still in season in the winter and has been used official storefront levitra sales online for both culinary and medicinal purposes around the world? It is called “Fennel”. The feeling of making love or sex will definitely drives people viagra sale crazy. September was a very busy month with the beginning of the church year and with seminary application preparation. At the end of the month I submitted my Princeton Seminary application and kicked off the process of obtaining references.
October was a time of celebration. Carolyn and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary. We also one week later spent 3 days visiting Princeton Seminary in the role of prospective student and wife. Both of us felt very comfortable with that visit and very much at home. And the big celebration happened a week later at the end of the month, when I received my acceptance for the MDiv program at Princeton!
November brought a chance to enjoy success and reorient myself to my new direction. I delivered my commitment letter to Princeton Seminary while attending the Emerging Adulthood seminar early in the month. The rest of the month was spent completing some work between my ears and preparing for the holiday season.
December has been a time of waiting and preparing. With the help of friends, I’m working on preparing for seminary. I’m building lists of books to read before I start. I’m trying to decide about whether to pursue Summer Language (an intensive 10 week program for Greek or Hebrew) or take one last summer trip with my church youth group. And I’m reorienting my thinking. One bright event of December was a chance to meet a Twitter friend from Atlanta, one of her friends and a local friend for lunch at Drew University. I also unfortunately spent the end of November and most of December fighting a sinus infection that took a lot of my energy.
Overarching the year were a few events that do not fit the chronology well. From late spring until today (and continuing) I’ve been doing a lot of work in my head to grow, and to process the changes that such a large career shift creates. That large shift has also produces some stresses – in family, in friendships, and in relation to my church. I’ve worked hard with those involved to try to navigate the emotions produced and the logistics involved. This in turn has created further growth and improvement in me, in my relationships, and hopefully in the others impacted. This work has been HARD, but well worth it. And the relationships that have been involved I believe to be stronger now. I won’t say that pain is necessary to growth, but I will say that getting through pain successfully often produces growth. Last, a note that a few serious illnesses of family members came in the fall and that was rough too. Those family members are on the mend.
Also not fitting the chronology well were the growth of a few new and old friendships through shared experiences. I can only hope that I have given to them as much as they have given to me.
All in all, this year was a very up and down year. I am thankful for my wife and friends who supported me through it, who listened to my ravings and pain, and who continue to stand by me. While it has been rough most of the roughness has taken place in the service of growth in the right direction. And there have been some glorious moments of celebration and happy-dances. I’d never have believed that I’d jump up and down in my kitchen past age 40 until the day I opened my seminary acceptance letter.
I end the year with a new direction when I had no direction. I end the year with strengthened relationships. And I end the year with new friends that I value greatly. And I end the year with a much, much stronger sense of the direction that God wants me to take, as well as many reminders that God is always with me.
I’ll take it.
Trading Limbos
Filed under: Job Search, Life, Princeton Seminary, Religion, Seminary, Work
Sometime last week, I realized that I’ve traded one kind of limbo for a new kind. A better kind, from where I sit.
For the past 2 years while I’ve been out of work, I had a soul-crushing type of limbo. Any day I could get a response to a contact or job application inviting me to an interview. Any day could start the process of becoming employed again, in as soon as a few days to a few months. A number of times that process happened over the 2 years, but that was a very small part of that time and never resulted in ultimate success – a new job. The rest of the time I was left with the depressing, esteem-destroying time trying to make that happen. For most people there’s only one path out of that limbo, and it’s always the last path that you take. (That’s a lot like the truism that you always find your lost items in the last place you look. If not, then you’re wasting your time after you do find them.) Some folks get lucky and get the choice of two paths out of the unemployment limbo, but to me that looks more like two branches of the same last path.
I’ve taken an unusual path out of that limbo – the path of further education – made even more unusual by my future vocation. This is a riskier path and I likely wouldn’t be taking it except for a few unusual circumstances. First and foremost there is God’s call to ministry that I have discerned (and will continue to discern in the years ahead). Second, there are some things about my place in the world that are fortuitous (whether you credit God, good planning, or dumb luck) for this path. I live near one of the most prestigious Presbyterian seminaries (and I seem to be comfortable in the culture there). My wife has a very solid income that is big enough to support this. We were able to (and chose to) save severance and unemployment money. And we have chosen a lifestyle that doesn’t include the expenses that others need to plan for – mainly children and their futures.
The only power to be a man click here for info cialis generika is this. With the optical transceiver, http://amerikabulteni.com/2013/03/16/herkes-irlandali-her-yer-yesil-st-patrick-gunu-nedir-2/ tadalafil cialis all obstructing elements are eliminated, ensuring smooth and efficient relay of messages. Human growth hormone injections is oftenrecommended discount viagra india by a medical doctor. Stay calm daily, take sufficient breaks from your busy schedule and take maximum sleep to keep stress or anxiety at bay. cialis pills price So now I’m in a new limbo – one with a time limit. Barring some major unforeseen circumstance, I know what I’ll be doing next September. I have ten months to fill which hopefully will include me bringing in a rather small amount of money. This limbo is much more comfortable that the prior limbo – having a solid sense of the future and my direction is so much better than not being able to plan events and vacations more than a week or two in advance, because one might have a new job that would prevent whatever you are planning. I’m even able to see the calendar for the Summer Language program next summer (still on the fence about that) and next year’s academic year.
But it’s still limbo. I need to figure out what to do with the next 10 months. I would prefer to make some money by doing small church-related projects like Revive! (last spring’s justice revival, which employed me as a 15-hour-per-week project manager for a few months). I can make some money from my itty-bitty tiny computer consulting company. I could go to a temp agency and see what they’ve got. I’ve also got some time to work on myself, to try to continue the personal growth that the last 6 months has included (and the last 2 years, for that matter).
So I’ve exchanged one limbo for another. And I’m in a better place as a result. But the future is still not completely clear. But … part of my growth of late has been comfort with ambiguity. I’m feeling good about all of this.
2008: My personal year in review
Filed under: Admin, Job Search, Life, Religion, Work, Young Adult, Youth
Good riddance.
It’s not that the year was all bad. Some of it was really very good. It’s just that the bad outweighed the good. Most of this was due to one very bad thing.
Work
This was a particularly bad year. I’m not going to go into details, but you should assume that life at my former employer wasn’t particularly fun before August. In August, I was laid off from a job that I’d held for 13 1/2 of the last 15 years. It only helps slightly that this employer ultimately filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy in November.
And if that wasn’t enough – the economy tanked at the same time. The cause of the company’s failure wasn’t solely the economy, but it was a big part of it. Jobs just plain dried up from September through early December. There are signs that things are easing now.
If it weren’t for positive things and positive people in the rest of my life, I don’t know how I would have handled this.
Church
The good:
I LOVE my youth group. The young men and women that I work with more or less every week are all wonderful, and I learned a lot about myself, them, life and God over the last year. Sunday afternoon/evening is the high point of my week.
The summer trip to the Montreat Youth Conference was one of the top 10 experiences of my life. I truly feel that God spoke to me that week in some fashion. I know that my faith deepened, and that the same happened to most if not all of the group from our church that went on the trip. I also feel that I grew outside of the religious aspects. (Of course, this high leaves me wondering where God is in my life now, when things are not so good.) The biggest thing that I learned this year – while I care a lot about our youth, they care about me too.
Putting together the Moderator Meet and Greet event in April was a lot of fun as well as being a lot of work. I met a lot of new and wonderful people. The event was well attended, and I hear that it helped commissioners make a decision at General Assembly.
Meeting in person and working online with other church leaders has been mostly positive. I’m amazed at how strong the online Presbyterian-and-beyond religious community is. I’ve felt support when I needed it and given and watched it flow the other way when others needed it.
Serving as a deacon has been rewarding. This is work that I know that I can do and do well, and that is relatively easy, and that aids the church. That’s sort of the point, isn’t it? I just have to be careful not to schedule myself too heavily (like the Sunday that I had coffee service AND served communion AND agreed to set up tables for a later event).
For female who are willing to have babies, hysterectomy or endometrial ablation cialis generic pills can’t be accepted usually. Ginseng is in use for centuries and is one of his biggest fears and that can lead to a more dangerous form of emotional and mental depression. levitra discount They offer Female cialis generico 5mg sexual dysfunction treatment with the help of neurons when the man is sexually invigorated. There is nothing worse than being on a safer side you davidfraymusic.com purchase cheap levitra should consult a doctor. My committee studying hospitality, visitor and community issues for the church has nearly completed its work. We have identified 19 issues and more than 19 suggestions for how to change/fix/handle those issues. We present to the Session in February. The team has worked hard and learned a lot.
Serving as the new webmaster for the church’s website and weekly e-mailed newsletter has been a growth experience for me. It has forced me to learn new technical skills and also to generate a little content independently.
The bad:
The worst has to have been the controversy over my blog in March/April/May/June of this year. I don’t know if people realize it, but the church was about 12 hours from losing me in April – the only things keeping me were the facts that Youth Sunday and the Moderator Meet and Greet were imminent responsibilities of mine. This event only took 2nd to the loss of my job in how poorly I felt while in the middle of it.
I am also continually dismayed by the negative tones in some conversations/fights/battle-royales in the church community over the hot button issues of today. Those of us within the church fight harder and with less love than we do with our colleagues in other denominations or religions, even though the points of disagreement are far smaller and unimportant.
Home
Home life continues to be solid. Carolyn and I have ridden out the very rough patches of the 2nd half of the year with no negative effect on our relationship. Most of this is due to Carolyn’s very conservative nature when it comes to money, and the strong planning ability that both of us have. She continues to be supportive at a very difficult time in my life and it has brought us if anything closer together.
The cats are still fine. They turn 13 tomorrow. Isaac is still suffering from a bit of arthritis in his hips, but the daily Cosequin is helping. Both of them still have a fair amount of kitten left and still go running around like crazy animals occasionally. Albert has had no recurrence of his kidney issues.
The house is fine. We have had to put off a bit of home repair work (mainly fixing the fireplace chimney that failed a while back) for economic reasons. Nothing important is wrong, and we continue to love living here. It’s a great neighborhood – not too noisy, not too quiet, and plenty of kids running around.
My car has had a rough year. I was rear-ended in July and minor damage was done to my rear bumper. It was fixed pretty quickly, but it took about 4-5 months before the insurance companies paid my deductible. Here’s a tip – no matter how late you are, don’t pass on the right on a one-lane on-ramp.
Health
No major changes. On the Montreat trip I lost a number of pounds due to the stairmaster-like qualities of the village of Montreat (to get anywhere you have to walk down a big hill and up a big hill). The emotional strain of being out of work took off some more. I’ve managed to end the year a net 10 pounds down. Otherwise, my health remains the same.
I’m hoping that 2009 will be a combination of the continuance of good things, and an end to the bad things that are happening now. I see new hope in the elections of both our PC(USA) Moderator and the new President of the USA. It remains to be seen if that hope turns into a better reality for the country, church, and me.
Happy New Year!
Post-Montreat Blues
Today I’m somewhat deep in the Post-Montreat Blues. This is apparently a common affliction, caused by the collision between the mountaintop high (emotionally, not physically) from a Montreat conference and the mundane realities of “real life” back home. In other words – while you came home feeling wonderful, ready to change the world, and quite possibly changed for life … the rest of the world didn’t change all that much while you were gone. I’ve experienced the same with Camp Johnsonburg experiences – though the Montreat experience was at a much higher intensity.
I’m trying to figure out what’s next.
This week we had movie night at the youth group, and most (but not all) of the crowd that showed up was from the Montreat trip. We looked at the pictures from Montreat from a few people and then watched Saved! the movie. We got a very insightful question from one youth who wasn’t on the trip about increasing the presence of faith in daily life. I really think that between the Broad St. Philly mission trip and this Montreat trip we have a LOT of momentum going into the fall for the youth group. Big things could happen!
I’ve found some confidence and new connections when it comes to working with the youth – particularly in my preferred style of one-to-one. Again – momentum.
For today, I miss the relaxed me from the trip. Sunday night I forgot to take my blood pressure medication, and I didn’t feel the effects. My co-workers all remarked on Monday how incredibly relaxed I seemed to be. In many ways, that’s the Real Me, and I wish I could have it all of the time.
I also really, really miss the daily contact with my friends from my church and with the new friends that I made on the trip. Seeing them on Facebook (or not at all) just isn’t the same. I know that if we’d been together more than a week the usual interpersonal frictions would develop, but that was a really nice week. Tuesday evening helped.
I’m also feeling a bit emotionally adrift. The Montreat Youth Conference experience produced in me (and probably in many or most) a safe space where I could drop, tear down, explode, or simply eliminate the wall between my emotions and the outside world. I was able to letthe Real Me outside of my head to a degree not normally possible.
Unfortunately that wall is somewhat necessary for daily life, particularly at work. Rebuilding that wall takes some time, and is leaving me a smidge off balance.
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Now I’m trying to figure out the implications for my life. One thing that I see (and have seen in the past) is that my job (the combination of place/culture and function) is out of line with my faith and values. Please note – this is NOT the same as saying “I need a new job”. There are several possibilities for how to fix this, including possibilities where I remain where I am and possiblities where I move on.
Some have heard the first whispers (or more) of a call to the ministry as a result of this week. I don’t believe that I’m one of them. This is something that I’ve considered from time to time in my religious life (before and now) but I just don’t hear the call. My 10th grade computerized career assessment aside, I’ve never in my memory been told by someone that I’d make a good minister. I think my call to the faith lies elsewhere.
For now, though, I’m considering the possibilities. I’m remembering a few key rules:
- Don’t make any life-changing decisions within a week (or longer) after such a mountaintop experience. Regain equilibrium first.
- The rest of the world didn’t change overnight. Maybe you did, but there weren’t big changes elsewhere.
- Big, Meaningful Change requires Big, Meaningful Thought. And time.
That’s where I am.
If I met you on the trip, I miss you. A lot.
Picking up the pieces …
It’s been a while since I posted something on my intentions regarding my congregation.
There’s a reason for that. My employer (after we were told it wouldn’t happen) laid off a number of people last week (not me). Then we got news that the company is being delisted from the NYSE. It’s been a rollercoaster ride.
So here’s where I am.
This experience, and the reaction to it (some of which isn’t written here), have seriously damaged my self-confidence as it relates to this congregation. I find myself walking on eggshells, and needing reassurance for things that aren’t even likely to be a problem. On the other side of the coin, there have been several recent events where things went well, even VERY well, and I had a big part in pulling them off (very big for one, about average sized contribution for the others).
At the same time I’ve had bad news in other parts of my life, notably work (plus a few deaths and wake to attend for family of co-workers and such).
Please note that I didn’t say “damaged my faith”. I’m making a distinction between my faith and my opinion of the congregation and organized religion in general.
It’s the time of year where the church asks folks to serve as an officer or on a committee. I haven’t gotten an letter yet asking about either, so I have to assume that the church has decided not to ask me – either as a result of this incident or because I’m already busy enough. I’m pretty sure they’re up to the C list by now, so if they haven’t asked yet they probably won’t.
I’ve also found myself censoring what I write on this blog. That’s a big problem for me. As I have written, some of my most important core values are honesty, openness and authenticity. When my pastor asked me, “Is there anybody that you run your blog posts by before you post them?” it hit me hard. Most of you agree that I may have a been a little too open and have said one thing out of frustration that you wouldn’t have said, but that it’s my blog and that I’m being careful enough by leaving out names. I’m struggling with whether I can be myself in this congregation. One of the things that I love most about Camp Johnsonburg is that you truly can be yourself – warts and all – and you will be accepted (and even loved). Some folks have rougher edges than others, and it IS possible to get too far outside of the bounds of acceptable behavior for camp, but for the most part it’s a place where 90% of the folks who come there feel at home. I expect that from the local congregation too – after all, isn’t that what we’re called to do? I realize that this may be an unrealistic expectation, even if it is a valid expectation.
All of this is complicated by the fact that I’m co-chairing a committee whose job is to figure out how well the church is doing at welcoming people and making them feel at home. That process is starting to identify some common strains that line up fairly well with what I’m experiencing (or alternately, I’m identifying what look like patterns to me as I look through the lens of my experience). In other words, the actions and events and feelings that are distancing me to some extent from the congregation are exactly what the committee is supposed to identify – and even more, to propose solutions to fix them. It’s a little like recovering from surgery and being expected to come up with ways to prevent your illness/disease in the first place, while you’re recovering your strength.
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It would be nice to be able to pull back for a bit and let others take up the slack. Unfortunately, events are conspiring to make that difficult. My committee co-chair is in the middle of a medium to long-term family emergency, and is unable to take up the slack. The pastor is the other member of the leadership of that task force, but his time is already split 50 ways and it’s not really fair to ask him to take up the slack either. So it falls to me. Supposedly God has a plan for everything – I hope the end result of this situation is a really good one because it’s a bit much now with two of us in the throes of issues (hers much bigger than mine). The one area where things are winding down is youth group – we’re transitioning from school-year mode to summer and summer trip mode which is a smaller time commitment.
Last night the Youth and Young Adult Council met. Before that meeting I had a private meeting/dinner with the Youth Director. I actually feel much better about the church after those two meetings.
So here’s the plan for today and the near future.
A month ago or so I wrote that I want to either get more involved or less involved in the fall. This experience and the lack of any invitation from the leadership to get more involved have decided that question with an answer of less involved. I also need to retrench and take some time to lick my wounds. The committee that I’m co-chairing completes its work in January. My word and my commitments are very important to me, so there is no question about me completing the committee work. I still LOVE working with the Youth Group, and I’m looking forward to the trip to Montreat this summer (with a little apprehension, but that’s just “I haven’t done anything like this for 20 years”). So at this point the plan is to finish my committee work and drop back to just doing youth stuff (probably including Confirmation). That’s where I fit the best anyway of the places where I have been invited to take part.
This is all subject to change – this plan isn’t remotely etched in stone. This is just what the plan is today.
It’s a little sad because I know that I have more energy and skills that I could put to use for this congregation.
I also could put that energy and skill into things beyond the local congregation (witness the Moderator Candidate event) but for one thing – the PC(USA) polity doesn’t really know what to do with somebody who has an affinity for the polity but who isn’t an elder.
At this point, I have no plans to leave the congregation. I’ll just fade back into the anonymous mass of members.
Bad News
I got some bad news at work. Most of it is “company classified”, but there is one piece that I feel pretty free to share. No raises this year for anybody. No layoffs yet either … for now.
This left me in the unfortunate position of having to send an e-mail to our church’s “guy who tracks pledges” reducing my budget pledge for the year (but not the capital pledge – I already paid that in full). In the fall we had been exhorted to pledge boldly (even recklessly) believing that God would provide. One of the stewardship team actually made that his Minute at the beginning of worship. He talked about how when his personal finances were stressed he chose to pledge boldly and how God provided good financial news later in the year. Let’s just say that it hasn’t happened for me yet – it’s going the other way. So I have to take back the 20% pledge increase over last year and give at last year’s rate for the rest of the year. Even so, I know that other families in the church are hurting more.
We’re not in dire financial straits yet. We are still saving at the same rate, but the “unbudgeted” savings that resulted from the times that the paycheck was bringing in more than expenses (minus the planned savings) aren’t happening. A surprise bonus from work (from last year’s project work) and the tax refund both went in and out of the checking account at such speed that other papers were sent flying in their wake. We’re not quite at the point where we need to reduce the saving rate, but we are at the point where the rest of the budget is just breaking even. I’ve already taken the step of eliminating an expensive hobby (flying) and I’m holding off on buying ham radio equipment for the new hobby. We’re right at the point where we’ve reduced discretionary expenses as much as possible, and if things get worse (pay cut, job loss, even more expensive food or gas) we’ll need to start making lifestyle cuts. There is still a lot of room to make lifestyle cuts before we reach the point that some families are in – mainly because Carolyn and I (mostly Carolyn) are VERY conservative with money. Our mortgage is fixed at a very comfortable rate and we have ZERO credit card debt (thanks, Mom and Dad for teaching fiscal responsibility).
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I think we’ll survive the downturn intact and probably better than most, but only because we’re prepared.
But it still hurts. If we’re feeling the pinch, how much worse can it be for those who didn’t collect their nuts for the winter? (Or even those whose nuts were stolen by others?)
Malaise
I’m sorry I haven’t written lately. I’ve been busy at work, busy outside work.
I’m also having one of those weeks (heading towards months) where everything is going just a little wrong. Nothing is seriously wrong. Nothing is seriously right. Everything is just a bit off kilter.
Work – as I’ve noted previously, the company is up for sale. Just today I heard two different rumors listing different companies that want to buy us – one possible and one unlikely. The senior management committee that approves IT projects just deferred a decision on a major technology change that we want to make. If they turn that down completely, I probably need to either find a new job or resign myself to being caught in a technical cul-de-sac (like COBOL programmers were 10 years ago).
Home – Home is generally OK. I wish that Carolyn and I shared more common interests – so that we’d end up spending more time together. I don’t want to grow in the wrong direction. Finances are being pinched just like everybody else between tiny raises and huge cost increases in everything else. As I said – pretty much completely OK but with a few signs of wear.
Church – I’m serving as a “Visit Steward” for the capital campaign. I’m getting the feeling from conversations with people that folks are really unhappy with the way that the campaign is being run. Most people agree with the need for funds and support most of the projects involved in the campaign, but there’s a lot of disaffection with how it’s being run. Also, the consultant sent to us by the PC(USA) Church Financial Campaign Service is really turning people off. There has to be some way to let the people in Louisville who sent her to us know what a terrible job she’s doing. We had our campaign visit training this past week. The handout was clearly cludged up from other campaigns and included references to things that we aren’t doing in our campaign (like 2nd and 3rd visits, household information cards, etc). One of the biblical references for stewardship actually came out against giving to the church if you read the next verse. Oh, well. I did make my pledge as required (all visit stewards were told to turn in their pledges as part of the commissioning ceremony yesterday, with less than a week’s notice) and even included a check for the entire amount. As soon as I do my 3 visits with members I’ll be done with the campaign. Here’s the hard part – one of my visits is to a family where one breadwinner is jobless.
“In Deuteronomy we are told to give 10%. Jesus tells the rich man that he should give everything. So the amount that we should pledge is somewhere between 10% and everything.” – no, this wasn’t a joke.
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Youth group is another area that is fine, but still not quite right. We had one youth make a life decision that will greatly negatively impact her choices in the future and it’s hitting me harder than I expected. Our attendance is rather spotty – we see a decent number of youth at each meeting but the list of attendees is different most weeks and we don’t really get to connect with them regularly. As I said – things are mostly OK. Youth Sunday is next week and we really have our act together in advance for a change. I am looking forward to going to Montreat for Week VI this summer.
Then there is the team that I co-chair. At our last meeting I got called a racist – under the theory that any white person is automatically a racist. This was said by a white person to a room full of white people – all of whom are well-intentioned in mind and as far as I can tell in practice when it comes to racial issues. I’m not looking forward to our next meeting two weeks from today.
When it comes to church I’m at a crossroads. I want to either become more involved or less involved. I don’t think continuing my current level of involvement is feasible – it’s gonna have to go up or down in the fall. I’d really like to be more involved, but in a meaningful way in a position where I can help the church change for the future rather than in a “pair of willing hands” way. I don’t mind doing the necessary, but it seems so much of church work is maintaining the old ways rather than working for the new.
Hockey – the Trenton Devils finished 6th out of 7, with the lowest number of wins in the entire history of the franchise. Enough said.
So malaise is the word of the day. Judging from the economy it might be the word of the entire country.
So what’s up?
So what’s going on, Mark?
I’m glad you asked.
This week has been eventful.
Earlier in the week, we got the news that the company is looking into some form of ownership change for all or part of the company. I’ve already written about that.
Today we actually got good news. IT has gotten permission to give an allowance to IT employees who are required to be on-call for support issues. The department will pay up to $75 of our home broadband Internet and cell phone charges. For me that means $40 for Internet access. My cell phone usage for work is minimal and always within my plan.
At church I got the Project Open Door meeting scheduled for next week – we’ll be going over inactive members and how to interview them gently. I had a good Sr. High youth evening last Sunday and a great Youth and Young Adult council meeting on Tuesday. The YAYA council actually reduced the amount of logistical stuff that we go over to focus on the substance and theology of our program. We’re going to be more intentional about linking our activities to our theology in the future.
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Hockey – there are 3 games this weekend. I’m going to tonight’s game with Carolyn, and tomorrow night’s game with Carolyn, my sister and a friend of hers. Sunday’s game will get skipped – 3 in a weekend is too much.
Ham Radio – I got voted in as a member of the Delaware Valley Radio Association last week. Last weekend I went to their radio “shack” and got an orientation on the building, antennas, and radios. I’m also nearly finished with the ARRL EC-001 Level 1 Amateur Radio Emergency Communication online class. That class will teach me how to be useful in an emergency (like a flood, hurricane, or other disaster). The class is going really well – my mentor told me that I’m the first student out of the 100 or so that he’s worked with who managed to format all 4 sample emergency messages correctly on the first try.
In the Presbyterian world, things have been busy. We’ve had a presbytery approve a lesbian candidate as ready to receive a call to ministry, we got a young adult candidate for General Assembly Moderator (for the non-presby’s, that means roughly “head Presbyterian”). These actions (particularly the first one) have prompted the expected reaction from the conservative wing of the church. Our General Assembly this June will also be considering a complete re-write of the Rules portion of our constitution.
At my own church we have a congregational meeting this Sunday that will consider a change to the bylaws to loosen up the rules on the number of Elders and their term length. This is intended to allow the church to ordain it’s first Elder under age 18 for a term shorter than 3 years (because the youth probably couldn’t serve a full 3 years).
Life is a roller coaster, but in retrospect it’s been more up than down this week.
Missing God
I’m not seeing God much these days.
One of the questions that the youth director at church asks the students (and adults) is “Where did you see God this week?” Lately I’ve been happy that I haven’t been called out to answer, because I really don’t have a good answer.
I definitely don’t see Him at work. People can’t be depended on to do their own jobs, much less help others. Gossip and backstabbing abound.
At home, things are basically normal. All cylinders are firing, and life is running at a nice constant RPM. Maybe that’s what God is about, but I’m not seeing the traditional view of God when a little extra help is needed.
At church …. hmmpf. For the most part, the church experience has been kind of flat for me lately. I’m not feeling inspired by worship. I’m attending a lot of church meetings which, as we all know, are not generally considered to be the place where people’s best shines through. There are no real beginnings or culminations. It’s just kind of … there.
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The Internet and blogosphere? Please. I think God avoids them like the plague (so to speak – don’t get any ideas). If you want to see people behaving at their worst a lot of the time, participate in discussion forums or blogs.
The one exception is youth group. I do see God in our meetings. I see it in Confirmation class as the youth absorb and reflect beliefs and emotions about God (and consistently impress me). I see it in the camaraderie, laughter, tears (and particularly in reaction to those tears) and community of the Senior High group. Lately there just haven’t been many of these events. Confirmation teaching sessions are only every 2-3 weeks, and the Senior High schedule hasn’t involved me (retreat with no available spots for adult advisor) or has been canceled (Thanksgiving weekend).
Maybe this is just a case of winter blahs. Maybe it’s a bit of burning the candle at too many ends. I dunno. I’m just not seeing God in my life all that often.
I hope He comes back soon.
Hanging up the Headset
For the time being, I have stopped flying.
There are two primary reasons: time and money.
With my re-involvement in church, my available time for flying is severely restricted. Flying and maintaining skills at a proper level requires flying at least once every 2 weeks and once a week is better. Training for a new rating or certificate requires a minimum of flying once a week (knowing that 1 week out of 4 will be canceled by weather). Flying that once a week requires about 1/2 of a weekend day with my schedule. With church involvement, I’ve lost 1 of the 4 possible timeslots. With youth group, I’ve more or less lost another (the Sunday afternoon/evening slot – particularly with me involved in Confirmation that meets until 12:30pm). And I still need to do all of the things that need to be done on the weekend – like lawn care, spending time with my wife, chores around the house, etc.
Also, money is … while not getting tight it’s not as free as it used to be. With reinvolvement with the church I’m giving about half of what I used to spend on flying in a given year to the church. The other half of my flying budget has been eroded by $3/gallon auto gas, 2% raises for several years where inflation was more like 4%, and the cost of everything going up.
Ever since getting my instrument rating in January I haven’t been flying as much. I’ve averaged only once a month and I had a two month break in the spring when my blood pressure medication needed to be adjusted. And I haven’t missed it as much as I might have (though I do miss it some). The reason for that has to do with my reasons for learning to fly in the first place.
Starting about 2001, management changes at my job began to make my position extremely uncomfortable. The head of IT at the time took a strong dislike to me and made it a point to harm my career progress. He also said things in reviews, to me personally, and to others about my performance that my current boss can’t understand. The problem was someplace between a personality conflict and actual malice on his part.
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I had always had an interest in flying and I needed to find an activity that met a few criteria: doable by me, complex knowledge required but still learnable with a reasonable application of time and effort, and interesting to me. Flying met all of those.
And I did learn a lot. I learned more than just the flying itself. I learned the concepts of positive control and immediate correction when necessary. I learned how to tell the difference between a small problem that can be temporarily ignored and a major problem that requires immediate attention. I learned a lot about “shades of gray” – very important to someone who works with 1’s and 0’s for a living. I also learned a lot about learning and how I need to learn in order to grow.
In the process I made a few good friends, a small number of enemies, and did something that only a tiny percentage of the population has done.
The good news is that I can do it again when my situation changes. I can’t say for certain that my church involvement will continue at the current high level forever. I also can’t say (and don’t want to) that I won’t find a lot of money under a rock and be able to afford flying as a weekday activity (though Dad tells me that there aren’t any rich relatives). I’ll just need to get with an instructor for a checkout, maybe a BFR (I’m not due until January 2009) and for instrument currency I’ll need some work with an instructor.
A word to those who might be considering learning to fly or who are already doing it: My situation is different than yours. If you are able to afford it and put in the time, go for it. Some people are driven to fly in the same way that sailors have been driven to sail the sea – a nearly primal instinct that draws you to the air. I know a number of pilots who have that. I have never had that need to fly – for me it was an interesting hobby. I do understand and support that need in others. If you have that need, find a way to fly – you’ll be happier in the long run.
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