What potential New Members want to avoid in a spiritual community

February 21, 2007 by
Filed under: Church New Member Process, Religion 

Yesterday, we spoke of what potential new members were looking for in a new spiritual community.

Today, we get a smaller list of things that those same potential new members are looking to avoid when choosing a new church.

All caveats about the makeup of the group found here apply.

It’s important to note that the group started out by saying “This list is the opposite of the Want list.”  They felt that we could have taken everything on the Want list and try to avoid the opposite.  That’s the main reason that this list is short.

Fear was mentioned more than once.  From my memory, it was the use of fear as a motivating factor by the church and/or preacher against the parishioners.  This covered beliefs, required service and/or monetary contributions, and internal politics.  Another aspect that was mentioned was fear of change within the church.  A few members of the group had gone through some serious internal church conflicts (the phrase “level 5” was used by at least one Presbyterian in the group who’d been through that conflict).

  • Fear and zealots (fear is defined as “you must believe this or else” and using fear as a motivation for a particular belief)
  • Exclusion (of anyone, but particularly of identifiable groups like race, gender, sexual orientation, age, etc)
  • Old regime (a small group in charge, has always been in charge, and will not relinquish control)
  • Pulpit politics (mainly non-church issues)
  • Participation by guilt (church and committees)
  • Irrelevance to my life
  • $$$ focus (fundraising for the linked parochial school was mentioned here, but it covers more territory than that.  Being valued by how much money you give.)
  • Hopelessness – joy for what IS (being caught up in talking about how bad it is that we are not X {bigger, getting along better} rather than celebrating what we ARE)
  • Not open to new ideas or change
  • Sense that community can only exist within those four walls
  • Unwelcoming – lack of warmth (including not talking to and welcoming visitors)
  • “Stuck in the Mud”, “Way we’ve always done it” and “We’ve
    Tried that before”
  • Avoid ritualistic traditions with no purpose
  • Emphasis on money
  • Focus on growth of buildings (build congregation first)
  • Being pigeonholed (being identified as a particular type of person based on traits or history)
  • Ties/formality of dress
  • Lack of flexibility with expectations

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Again, this was simply a brainstorm to allow people to figure out what they are looking for and looking to avoid when choosing a new church or spiritual community.  No analysis was done as to the feasibility of any of these ideas or their faithfulness.

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Comments

6 Comments on What potential New Members want to avoid in a spiritual community

  1. Anonymous on Wed, 21st Feb 2007 11:07 am

    2. What potential New Members want to avoid in a spiritual community

    This follows yesterday’s post about what new members want. This is what new members want to avoid in choosing a church home.

  2. Todd Bensel on Fri, 16th Mar 2007 12:01 pm

    3. I’ve thought deeply about all three of these “What Potential Members Want…” posts and one thought kept returning – there’s huge undercurrent of “no social pressure” involved in many of the points. No social pressure about beliefs, about conduct, about expectations, about anything except “What I Want!” Which makes them perfectly tailored to very self-centered people. While the presentation of the gospel must be universal, it’s application should be specific. I hope that future potential congregations of these types of people will actually do ministry and be the body of Christ!

  3. Mark on Fri, 16th Mar 2007 12:27 pm

    4. Todd,

    I invite you to read my post on Fear the the Visitor/New Member.

    It’s very important to remember that we are dealing with fragile people taking first (or first this time around) steps towards a faith community. One big fear (as I wrote in that other post) is of being overwhelmed with expectations. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t reasonable expectations, but it’s really not fair to expect the visitor or new member to fulfill all of them the first day.

    Also, these lists are generated by many people in a brainstorming session. Some will be contradictory and nobody volunteered all of them.

    To a person, the entire group in both retreats held thus far had been in one of two groups:

    1. Previously very involved in church and/or religion (many former camp summer staff, some elders, one member who held a high-level elected presbytery post, or just active in their church).
    2. Had done a LOT of thinking about spiritual matters.

    Let’s face it – these folks were interested enough in a spiritual community to attend the retreat in the first place, introspective enough to come up with these lists, and had enough experience to know some of the pitfalls of a bad fit with a church.

    I’ve just listed the participants (not including staff) and whether or not they are a) attending regularly or b) participating in ministry in some capacity other than Sunday worship. 53% either are now or were at the time of the retreat attending Sunday worship on a regular basis. 53% (some overlap, but not exactly the same people) are or were participating in ministry in some capacity other than Sunday worship. Those “other” activities include: church committees, youth group, garden ministry, service as an officer, involvement in a church-sponsored school.

    I believe that calling them “self-centered” does them a disservice. Call them opinionated if you will – accuse them of knowing what they want the church to be like. But they are far from self-centered.

  4. Todd Bensel on Fri, 16th Mar 2007 10:59 pm

    5. Thanks for the very gracious reply! I truly wasn’t referring to the people involved in putting together the lists – did they actually ask new potential members their own viewpoints or where they suggesting from their experience what they had found to be true? I was referring to the type of people represented by their comments – self-centered, with a “what’s in it for me, without any strings, commitments, or demands” group. I realize that “church” can be intimidating, but the Master never said that discipleship was easy. In fact he said to count the cost before committing!

  5. Mark on Sat, 17th Mar 2007 1:21 pm

    6. Todd,

    I think you are missing an important fact.

    The people who put these lists together ARE the potential members. We held a retreat intended for those considering joining a faith community and/or looking to change faith communities (finding a new congregation). I myself am a product of the first retreat last year.

    I don’t see how you can avoid calling them self-centered in your comments. I know them, and I would never call ANY SINGLE ONE OF THEM self-centered. Do they meet the model of “perfect church member” or “perfect disciple”? No. But then our Reformed faith tells us that nobody does.

    I guess the one question that we didn’t ask is “What are you prepared to give to a faith community?”. I don’t believe that this question was appropriate at this particular retreat. It IS appropriate when examining potential new members during the membership process.

    At any rate, I have no hesitation in saying that the folks who have gone through the retreat in one session or the other ARE giving and already HAVE given quite a bit to this church. The least of those gifts are these lists themselves, and the fact that a blog exists to post them in order to help others work with new members.

    If you haven’t already done so, click the “Church New Member Process” link on the left and go back to last fall to see the description of the retreat. Then read the description of the retreat itself in January 2007. Feel free to peruse my personal story as you do so.

  6. Inside the heads of potential members : Mark Time on Mon, 26th Jan 2009 2:32 pm

    7. […] What are potential members looking to avoid? […]

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