Getting Involved at church
This week I have a homework assignment from New Member Class. I have to check off a list of activities that the church does that interest me. I also need to answer two questions: What do I expect to get out of Lawrenceville Presbyterian, and what do I expect to give to Lawrenceville Presbyterian?
I’m a rather strong introvert. It’s not always easy to detect – I tend to speak of myself as a “loud introvert”, someone who can keep up a facade that makes me appear more outgoing. As you may or may not know, introverts draw their energy from a different type of activity than extroverts (aside from eating and sleeping, of course). Extroverts go into social situations and actually draw energy from the room. Introverts on the other hand need solitude or a small group of close friends to create energy. Introverts can actually feel the energy draining from them in a large social setting like a party. Extroverts may go home charged up – introverts tend to go home exhausted. This is a big generalization, but still true.
So how does this relate to new church members (and me in particular)? I speak from my own experience.
I have to work hard to feel comfortable in a setting like the usual Fellowship Hour after church. I’m fairly comfortable in church – I’m there as part of a mostly anonymous crowd and only interact personally with those sitting around me, and even then only for the passing of the peace. But put me in a room and I’m lost. I end up a single individual wandering around the room without talking to someone, or even standing on the side. I will talk to those that I know, but I’m fairly unlikely to walk up to someone and introduce myself.
On the other hand, in a known group and particularly a small group, I’m fairly comfortable. On a committee, in a small study group, as part of a team – I’m comfortable. I know my place. It’s even more comfortable when I’m part of a group working towards a goal – putting together a special service, running a youth activity, serving on a committee, or even just bean-counting. In fact, that’s the best way for me to meet people – to work with them towards a common goal.
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So the hard part is getting that bootstrap job in an organization. I feel like I need to be invited to participate in that first activity, and if it’s not joining an organized group but is more like an open activity I need to be dragged along. Once I’ve done something with people, I will know them and be more open to fully voluntary participation in the next thing. It’s just getting into that first thing that’s so hard.
The one exception to this rule is Camp Johnsonburg. This camp is the one place on the planet (no hyperbole here) where I have felt totally accepted for being authentically ME outside of my marriage. Camp Johnsonburg works hard to create that acceptance and even celebration of each of us – it’s probably the 2nd or 3rd core value of the camp. I go there, smell the unique combination of plants in the air, and feel at home immediately. The tension in my body drops dramatically nearly instantly. I am ME, and people like me for being me. There’s nothing more powerful than hearing “We’re glad that you came” and knowing that they really meant it. That they didn’t mean “We’re glad that you brought your money” or “We’re glad that you brought your skills” or even “We’re glad that you added one to the headcount”. We’re glad that you came – that you are who you are and that you are sharing it with us. That’s powerful. That’s a core of my theology – that all people are good to God to some degree or in some way unique to them.
As I re-read what I wrote above, I realize that camp isn’t really the only such time. There have been a few more. Serving as a YAD to Synod was like that. More recently, meeting with Jill, Nolan and Rick about Lawrenceville Presbyterian was like that – I felt at ease in the first few minutes. It might not have been on my checklist, but it was a huge factor in choosing a church.
So what does this mean when joining a church? I need to be pulled in. Please pull me in. You won’t be disappointed. I know that I have skills that can be put to good use, and I’ll give you a list on that piece of paper you asked me to fill out. I just need a little tug to get out of my shell.
New Member Class – Day 3 (Last Day)
Today was the last day of new member class.
Carolyn and I just barely made it on time due to Carolyn’s mammogram (routine – as far as we know all is well). She made it home, and after some bending of the speed limit laws we made it to class just on time. We had expected Carolyn to join us late, so this was better than we thought.
This week, we had a few new faces. One friend of a participant visiting from out of town, and a new person (another seminary student) who is being run through “remedial New Member Class” to catch up. Most if not all of the missing folks from last week were there today.
We started with another sharing session – this time talking about why we believe that Lawrenceville Presbyterian is right for us. This is one of the questions that the session will ask us in a week and a half, so I believe that this was planned to let us gather our thoughts. This took about 1/2 hour (and we got started 10 minutes late – everybody was running late today).
Next, we did a Lectio Divina session on Genesis 2:4-9. We did a breathing exercise to calm us, and then the passage was read twice by two different people. We meditated on it for a few minutes, and then each of us gave our thoughts. I concentrated on the trees. I had two thoughts – one was that I liked the diversity of the trees, all different and yet all good for food. I believe that God sees people like that – all good (to some degree) and good for each other (to some degree). The passage also brought to mind the fact that I’m now old enough that I can see the growth of trees. I’m thinking primarily of the trees around our house – which over the 10 years that we’ve been here have grown from saplings to substantial trees.
Probiotic bacteria produce metabolites, such viagra online prescription as conjugated linoleic acid (CLA), that demonstrate powerful anti-inflammatory effects. The entry of viagra 25mg s made a buzz in 1998, after when Pfizer laboratories had introduced it for ED apartfrom heart problems. levitra earlier used as the drug for that person. Firstly let’s discuss if there is a difference in the length of your penis, as well as the girth. cialis viagra for women But if you want some price of viagra tablet sound teenage dating advice for the next time, turn up the volume. After that, Jill Cifelli talked about stewardship and did a quick rundown on the volunteer opportunities and missions of the church. She also included adult education opportunites. Joan Semenuk was also there and added to the list where Jill missed a few. Then, Joan talked about financial stewardship and the church and we were given pledge cards (I didn’t take one – I filled one out and handed it in on Stewardship Sunday two weeks ago). Then we were given a quick overview of the process of meeting with the session on the 15th.
At the end, Jill asked me to speak about the Reconnecting with Faith retreat coming up in January. I spoke extemporaneously for a few minutes on the retreat and I hope that a few people found it intriguing. This group isn’t really the target audience – they are already in a church – but perhaps they know of someone else.
After the formal class, a few deacons arrived and laid out a brunch for any of us who could stay. They had bagels, fruit salad, and two casseroles (the ham and egg one was good!) and drinks and such. We all sat around and talked and ate. It was nice.
I have a homework assignment – I have to fill out a worksheet for Jill identifying the areas of church life that I would be interested in participating in and there are a few questions on the back about what we expect to get from the church and what we plan to give to the church (not just money, time and resources).
We meet with the session on November 15th. They take us into membership formally at that time, and then we are introduced at church the following Sunday.
Your Mouth or Your Ears – Only One Works At A Time
First, a disclaimer. I’m just as guilty as everybody else of what I’m about to write. I’m also getting older, and as a result my wind wanders more than it used to.
In the PC(USA), we’re fighting. It’s over gay ordination, it’s over Biblical inerrancy, it’s over the fundamental question of whether or not the Bible is a rulebook. For this post, it doesn’t matter why we’re fighting. Today we’re gonna talk about HOW we’re fighting.
Each side is alternating name-calling of the other side and arguments meant to convince the other side that they need to change their thinking. I can’t do much here about the former – either you see those with whom you disagree as worthy of respect or you don’t. But the latter CAN be fixed.
It’s a simple idea taught to youth, but forgotten with adults:
When your mouth is open, your ears are closed.
When you are speaking to someone, you are not listening. Pretty simple, eh? The implications go deeper than this.
When you are formulating a response to the other person’s argument in your head, your ears are closed.
We’ve all experienced this. You sit in a meeting at work and somebody says something that you disagree with. You immediately start working on making your rebuttal convincing, waiting for a break in the conversation to get your words in. You’ve STOPPED listening – your brain is someplace else.
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You’ve been there too. You have something to say. You aren’t really listening, you’re like a tiger waiting to pounce at the right moment. You aren’t hearing what the other person is saying, you’re just listening for the silence that you can fit your speech into.
How do we combat this?
More silence. Respect the other person by listening to their argument. Use the silence to allow the ideas to settle in. Formulate your response when you don’t need to be open to what’s going on.
Don’t just speak to fill space. Make your speech meaningful. Have you ever been in a meeting where one person sits quietly in the corner, saying little? When they do speak, does the whole room say “Ahhh. Now I get it”? That person has learned to make a lot of impact with few words. In the future, that person’s utterances will be taken just that little bit more seriously – “He doesn’t say much, but what he does say is worth waiting.” Have you ever been that person? How much more satisfying was it than being the center of attention?
And last – you are NOT going to convince anybody if you call them names. Or use terms that amount to calling them names – that hurt them with something important to them. These are terms like “apostate”, “homophobic”, “Biblically unsound”, “uncaring”. Once you’re angered the other party, you have completely lost the ability to change their minds. Their ears are closed whether they are speaking or not.
Once we stop talking past each other and AT each other, we can talk TO each other. We can learn FROM each other. Then we have a chance at building a better world.
“Because I said so” is rarely convincing.
New Member Class – Day 2
Today, we all struggled out of bed into the driving rain and heavy winds to reach Lawrenceville Presbyterian and the 2nd day of new member class. At one point on Route 206 the road was partially flooded due to leaves blocking the storm drain.
This time, we started with each person telling a story of their experience with church. Most (if not all) were positive stories of their experiences in church during a previous life. A few were non-church stories involving church camp or even a special Christian performance. A surprising number of people indicated a fondness for the formal ritual of church, but this isn’t surprising as many of the group had experience in a Roman Catholic or Byzantine Rite church (Greek Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, etc) church.
After that we took a tour of the church buildings. Normally this would end the second session, but Temple Micah (a Jewish temple sharing the church building on Fridays and Saturdays) had a Bat Mitzvah (congratulations, Rachel!) scheduled for the morning so we had to get our tour in early. We heard about the history of the church and saw most of the church rooms.
The india generic cialis victims those who unfortunately got trapped by this sexual malfunction. There are some tadalafil overnight delivery http://greyandgrey.com/appellate-victories/triola/ people who take these issues very rapidly. It is difficult to complete the sexual activity successfully, feel bad about it. viagra vs generic The main objective and interest of physiotherapy is to maximise movement as well as levitra sale quality of life by people suffering from lupus. After that, we were almost out of time. Pastor Jeff pointed out some important points in the handouts on Presbyterian terms and the importance of membership and talked about the Book of Confessions and the Book of Order. We were then exhorted to read up at home.
Next week will be on stewardship and we will do Lectio Divina. Pastor Jeff will be in Israel and Palestine with a presbytery group, and won’t be able to attend. Joan Semenuk will be joining us.
There were a few faces missing this week. I’m hoping that they were unable to make the class rather than deciding not to join. We were also blessed with whole families this week because the terrible weather cancelled soccer games.
New Member Class – Day 1
Yesterday was also the first day of New Member Classes at the Presbyterian Church of Lawrenceville, NJ. Classes are 9am to 10:30am and will continue on October 28 and November 4. These classes are run about 3 times a year.
The classes are actually intended to explore membership and prepare you should you choose to join. It looks like most of the group is headed towards joining.
There are about 20 people in this group. Yesterday, 14 of them were there (several spouses were off handling soccer duty). This was a very diverse group in terms of age and some other factors, though not racially.
The format was remarkably similar to the Johnsonburg Reconnecting with Faith retreat. We all sat in a bit circle (well, oval – it was a big group) with the pastor and the Interim Associate for Pastoral Ministry (in this case Jill Cifelli) mixed in the group. Each of us were asked to introduce ourselves and talk about what we do during the day. Jill started, and because her daytime work is church-related we ended up with each person describing briefly their church search as well as their day job. Carolyn came with me and explained that she is a practicing Catholic (seems she’d get good at it at some point!) and was there to support me.
After that, we watched the video Who Are We Presbyterians?. This is a 20-minute video that does a good job of presenting the high points of Presbyterian faith and organization, though it does tend to concentrate a little too hard on diversity.
Then we were asked to talk about what we saw in the video. A few people who are new to Presbyterianism stated that they really liked Salvation by Grace as compared to their prior church. A few group members brought up the liberal/conservative divide (it wasn’t me, honest!) and we batted that around for a while. The jist of that discussion is that this church favors the open discussion of issues while staunchly defending freedom of conscience. The phrase used was “generous orthodoxy”. In short – we have people all over the spectrum and we LIKE that, and encourage people to speak their mind. Rigid control of belief within narrow confines is not required. Having said that, the church averages out to someplace between the middle and liberal end of the spectrum. Not quite far enough to be a More Light church, but certainly not at the conservative end.
The one thing that people said over and over is that this church cares more for each person as a PERSON than they do about their particular ideology. People are not representatives of a theological or political position – they are PEOPLE who happen to have a personal theology and political opinion. At least 1/2 of the group said that this was an important factor in their choice of Lawrenceville as a church home (and I’m in that list).
One last similarity to the Johnsonburg retreat appeared. Carolyn put it best on the way home – “There are some hurt and angry people here.” This makes complete sense to me. You come to a church as a new adult member for one or more of a short list of reasons:
- You left the church at some point because you were not spiritually at home, unhappy or even hurt by the church.
- You drifted away from the church because of disinterest.
- You have children, and need to find a church home for baptism, sunday school, etc. Or maybe you want to get married in a church.
- You’ve recently moved and need to find a new church.
- You’ve never been involved in a church, but you’ve found the redeeming power of Christ.
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Based on the stories that were told, the latter reason may have been a part of one or two people’s reasons out of 14. The rest of the reasons covered everybody.
I was amazed at the distances that people travel to join this church. One new member is driving from upper Bucks County, PA. A few others are coming from Princeton. I’m coming from Hamilton. We had one couple where one of the two people cited “it’s the closest church” as the reason for joining. These folks either came back to the church that they grew up in or had a deliberate search path (not as regimented as mine, but just as comprehensive). (Side note – just by listening I’ve learned a lot to incorporate in the next retreat.)
At the end of the session, we had a moment to fill out some paperwork. We have to write a brief biography that will be published in the church bulletin and newsletter after we join – I’m still working on that. We also had our pictures taken to be put in the bulletin and newsletter.
Next week we have a session on stewardship. At some point, we’re going to participate in a session of Lectio Divina but I’m not sure which week. In mid-November on a Wednesday we meet with the session, and then are introduced (and in some cases baptized?) on November 19.
I’ll write up the remaining classes as well. Keep watching this blog!
The Interim Associate for Pastoral Ministry is my co-pilot; God is in the back seat
Yesterday afternoon, I went flying with Nolan Huizenga, the Interim Associate for Pastoral Ministry at Lawrenceville Presbyterian. Nolan and another person are sharing the duties of the Associate Pastor at the church while the church undergoes a search for a new Associate Pastor. (and I’m pretty sure he’s a Candidate for a call – he’ll make somebody a great pastor someday)
Nolan is a little ahead of me in flying – he has his Private license and his Instrument rating while I’m just finishing the work for my Instrument rating. However, he doesn’t get to fly much (I imagine that a church paycheck will do that). When he learned that I am an active pilot, he made his interest in accompanying me known (we pilots call that “begging” with the same cool demeanor expected of us).
So, yesterday we went up. I needed 2.5 hours of cross-country time. We flew from South Jersey Regional Airport (VAY) in Mount Holly to Cape May airport (WWD) flying essentially due south across the lower 1/2 of the state. On the way home, we headed up the coast past Atlantic City most of the way to Barnegat, then turned inland, over Lakehurst, and up to Robbinsville. We then headed to Lawrenceville and after contacting the Trenton tower, we took pictures of the church from the air. Then we headed south to Hamilton and I showed Nolan the aerial view of the solar panels on my house. We headed south back to Mount Holly (with a few zigzags to make sure we had the required hours) and landed.
Tadalafil overnight shipping of cialis is the active ingredient of this pill and go immediately to your doctor. You can get the best amount of antioxidants from the natural foods if you pay attention to generic levitra good nutritional support and get enough physical activity. This shall be outdated since you will have a thorough idea of the traffic rules and regulations and some suggested facts which should be followed to get the effective results in bed. cialis cheap uk It is also advised with the http://greyandgrey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Grey-Grey-PI-Brochure.pdf cheap viagra sales affected men to get the stiff state of male reproductive organ. We had a good time. The weather was pretty good for pictures – a bit overcast and a little windy but not too bad. He will let me know when the pictures are uploaded and I will point you there as well.
Update – the pictures are uploaded at Nolan’s Site. Here is a picture of the Lawrenceville Presbyterian Church.
On “They” and “We”
The crisis in the Presbyterian Church (USA) is being fought by minorities from opposite ends of the conservative/liberal spectrum. The fighters might not like us calling them conservative or liberal (though they don’t have a problem using those terms for the OTHER folks) – they prefer terms like “Biblically faithful” or “non-discriminatory”. But the bottom line is that the noise is coming from those at the ends.
The folks at each end will tell you that THEY actually represent the silent majority.
From where I sit, it appears that perhaps 10% of the church represent the liberal activist point of view. Another 20% represent the conservative activist point of view. That leaves 70% in the middle. (For the record – I consider myself to be part of that 70% but I lean towards beliefs congruent with the liberal activists. I feel the need to compromise – the folks at the ends do not.)
What concerns me most is that the language used in the church today is increasingly “They” language. “The liberals refuse to be faithful to Scripture.” “Evangelicals continue to discriminate against gay people.” We are all about THEY.
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What happened to WE? We are the followers of Christ, in our sinfulness. We are the joyful people of God, celebrating His majesty.
I got very close yesterday to e-mailing the church and cancelling my place in Saturday’s new member class after reading one of these divisive blog posts. As someone returning to the church, I feel somewhat like a child being adopted. Adoption agencies look at the stability of the family before allowing an adoption. I feel a bit like the family that I’m about to join isn’t very stable, even though home life looks good on Sundays.
We all need a little more WE and a lot less THEY in the church.
Presbyterian Podcast
A couple of younger pastors have gotten together to produce Decently and in Order – the first Presbyterian podcast. About every 2 weeks they get together in person or on the phone, and chat about various topics related to the Presbyterian Church (USA), Christianity in general, or other subjects. Their programs run about an hour, and are also available from iTunes. The latest episode is found here.
(For those who don’t know – a podcast is an audio recording, usually in MP3 format, consisting of a program on some subject. They are often listened to on an Apple iPod.)
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This week’s episode talks a lot about the current troubles in the church, prompted by some web postings by More Light Presbyterians. The episode also talks about our moderator’s question “Why do we need presbyteries?” There are several frivolous articles on this one. Be warned – the discussion of one website comes right up to the line of Not Safe For Work.
Presbyopic Presbyterian
As I mentioned last week, I have aged sufficiently that I now need reading glasses. I picked them up last night.
I’m still adjusting. They worked really well reading in bed last night. Today I’m using them with the computer. I’m getting minor headaches, but I suspect that’s just my brain adjusting. I’m also still learning all of the “glasses” stuff like how not to forget them, how to keep them clean, when to use and when not to use them (these readers make anything beyond computer monitor distance blurry). Any suggestions are appreciated.
This is gonna be a busy end of week and next week.
Tonight – NJ Devils home opener (which we are likely to skip – Carolyn is a bit sick)
Tomorrow evening – Trenton Titans season ticket pickup party
Saturday – Camp Johnsonburg fundraising golf tournament
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Sunday – Carolyn and my 12th wedding anniversary
Tuesday – ASME Trenton Section (Carolyn is a member) dinner – “Great Engineering Disasters”
Thursday – open house for employee families at my office (with free food)
Saturday 10/21 – the first day of New Member Classes for church, plus a cross-country flight in the afternoon for my flight training
I need one of those double-wicked candles.
A Motorcycle Jump from the Point of View of the Motorcycle
There has been a controversy down in Texas. The St. Andrews Presbyterian Church in Austin, TX is a rather liberal Presbyterian church. For example, they advocate for gay and lesbian causes, they have held events around politics and the church with a liberal bent, shoot – they showed Monty Python’s Life of Brian in the church as part of their movie series on Christianity in the movies. Their pastor Jim Rigby has been brought up on charges for performing same-sex unions.
A professor from the University of Texas at Austin named Robert Jensen approached the church because of events in his life. He had been a committed atheist for years and years, and was beginning to question that. So, he approached the church. St. Andrews in the person of their Session allowed him to join the church, making some small but important modifications in the membership questions that allowed him to answer in the affirmative. From his writings, it’s clear that he doesn’t quite qualify for membership under the common PCUSA standards.
He then wrote an article in which he qualified his Christian beliefs and explained that his reasons for joining were mostly to open a dialogue with the church. To his detriment (and somewhat contrary to his later writings) he spoke of how he did not “convert in a theological sense but joined a moral and political community”. He wasn’t in the church to meet the church’s primary purpose, but rather joined to open lines of communication.
The response was quick. St. Andrews is part of Mission Presbytery. A committee was appointed to talk to the church and Dr. Jensen and see what exactly they were thinking. The report of that committee recommended that Dr. Jensen’s membership be declared voided, that he be placed on the “baptized” roll (an irregular action, since he had been a member of another church in his youth), and that the Committee on Ministry work with the session of the church to develop a “constitutionally appropriate process” for receiving members. The presbytery voted 156-114 to implement these actions. Later in the meeting, the presbytery voted to stay these actions pending an appeal by St. Andrews to the Synod of the Sun judicial commission.
Robert Jensen has written a new article (“The Struggle Over What It Means to be a Christian Today Finding My Way Back to Church … and Getting Kicked Out“) in which he details the whole story, including his past as a member of a Presbyterian church in another state, the joining process and more depth into what in his life caused him to do so, the presbytery meeting where he was kicked out, and where he goes from here.
It’s a bit of a scary story. I have no doubt in my mind that the church made a mistake in accepting him into membership – he clearly doesn’t have all of the required beliefs. However, he was treated as cattle in the rest of the Presbyterian process. In the presbytery meeting, he was not allowed to speak. That’s right – the main witness for a remedial case was in the room but was not heard from. In fact, the presbytery told pastor Rigby before the meeting that Dr. Jensen would not be allowed to speak. He did write a statement (included in his 2nd article) about his faith that was circulated to some members of presbytery.
This is what I meant by my title. I believe that admitting Dr. Jensen into membership in a Presbyterian church given his views constitutes a stunt on the part of St. Andrews and the session. It’s like a motorcycle jump – you jump and see whether or not you land safely. However, in this case the motorcycle itself is sentient and has feelings. Dr. Jensen, while a willing participant, has clearly been treated as an object – at least by the presbytery. He was not allowed to speak as a witness in a remedial complaint. He does not write of any loving words from any presbytery members other than those from his own congregation (perhaps there were some, but it didn’t make enough of an impression to cause him to write about it).
Further, he writes of anger and fear in the room. He very clearly felt anger from some members of the presbytery (remember, folks – the presbytery is made up of ministers and elders {lay leaders} – exactly the kind of people who should AVOID anger in dealing with a lost sheep).
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THIS IS A PERSON THAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT. A person deserving of love. Correction – perhaps. Guidance – certainly. Discipline – No, he has not done or said anything that requires discipline except perhaps for lying during his confirmation at age 13, for which he clearly shows remorse. He came to the church as a person in need of spiritual growth, and he got used as the prop in a stunt, and then treated as an exhibit in a court case rather than a human witness.
I have a similar story to his. I grew up in a Presbyterian church as a youth. I’m not entirely sure that I meant what I said and wrote in the confirmation process, when I was just 13. I left the church for a long time, and I am just now looking to return. I never lost my faith – instead I put the concept of Christian Community on the shelf.
And I fear the same treatment that he received. Coming back to a church is scary. Something caused you to leave long ago – will it happen again? Will you be subjected to judgment by others for not being holy enough, or not sticking with it for all of those years? Is your relationship with God what it should be? What changes in your life (not to mention the lives of your family) should you expect?
We who are “formerly churched” need a lot of love and encouragement to stick with the transition. We need to be seen as we are – the whole of what we are (or at least as much as we are willing to share). That includes our flaws, which must be handled as gently as a child’s. We’re fragile.
I don’t see any reason that what happened to Robert Jensen will happen to me. I’m much less controversial. However, I know one thing to be true – if what happened to him happens to me I suspect that it will end my church career permanently. In that I believe that he is stronger than I am.
And shame on some of the members of Mission Presbytery for the way that they treated this fragile soul. A person should never be treated like an inanimate object.
(A hat tip to Toby Brown of A Classical Presbyterian for pointing me in this direction. Toby is a member of Mission Presbytery.)
Web Stuff
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