NJ and Gay Marriage
In case you missed it, the NJ Supreme Court made an important ruling on gay marriage yesterday. In a 4-3 vote, the court ruled that while the NJ Constitution does not guarantee the right to “marry” to gay people, the court requires that the NJ legislature in the next 180 days pass laws to give all rights, privileges and responsibilities of married straight couples to committed gay couples. Those include:
- a surname change without petitioning the court (after a marriage or union)
- ownership of property as tenants by the entirety, which would allow for both automatic transfer of ownership on death, and protection against severance and alienation
- survivor benefits under New Jersey’s Workers’ Compensation Act
- back wages owed to a deceased spouse
- compensation available to spouses, children, and other relatives of homicide victims under the Criminal Injuries Compensation Act
- free tuition at any public institution of higher education for surviving spouses and children of certain members of the New Jersey National Guard
- tuition assistance for higher education for spouses and children of volunteer firefighters and first-aid responders
- tax deductions for spousal medical expenses
- an exemption from the realty transfer fee for transfers between spouses
- the testimonial privilege given to the spouse of an accused in a criminal action
- the requirement for an employer to extend health care coverage to a spouse
- statutory leave to care for an ill spouse
- the requirement that a bequest is automatically revoked to a spouse after a divorce
- the requirement for an estate to pay for support and maintenance of a surviving spouse when a will is contested
- parentage, custody, visitation and child support rights when a child is born during a marriage
- support requirements after a divorce (alimony)
It is important to note that the minority set of 3 justices in this case filed a dissent stating that they would prefer to grant marriage rights to homosexuals immediately rather than letting the legislature take action. That means a 7-0 unanimous vote for gay marriage in some form, and a 4-3 split on whether or not to use the word “marriage”.
At least one state legislator has announced her intention to create an amendment to the NJ constitution restricting marriage to one man and one woman. Another legislator has announced his intent to create and amendment to the NJ constitution to specifically redefine marriage to include gay couples. Yet another legislator has announced his intention to impeach all justices involved.
I applaud this ruling. I want to make my feelings and beliefs very clear.
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While growing up, I was subject to the misconceptions and outright lies about gay people told to me by my parents. I remember one conversation in the car at about age 13 in particular – so vividly that I remember exactly where on the street we were when it took place. In that conversation, my parents informed me that all gays were diseased, that they all had sex with anybody and regularly had multiple partners, and that they were all drug addicts. In their defense I will state that we do have one gay cousin on my mother’s side who at the time did fit all of that. My parents’ bigoted attitude is shocking to me, particularly given their more permissive and understanding attitudes towards racial issues, gender issues, and even those of other religions. Since then their attitudes have softened a bit but they are still against homosexuality in general and gay marriage in particular.
Luckily for me, my church activities brought me into contact with homosexual people. At events like the Synod meeting and the Presbyterian Youth Triennium I came in contact with Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns (PLGC – now known as More Light Presbyterians). I discovered a group of people who had the same life issues that I had – going to work, buying groceries, changing cat litter, etc. These were folks wrestling with the same issues that I did – issues of faith, issues of life. Unfortunately, these folks also had other issues – being accepted in society, being accepted in the church.
Shortly after that I found that I had some gay friends at college. Again – just regular folks who prefer romantic partners of the same gender. All of the same joys and concerns were there, including building solid romantic relationships with one person and searching for a lifetime partner. The only difference was that I couldn’t talk to others openly about these friends for fear of what others might do to them.
And that has continued until today. I have one good friend that I met through camp who is a lesbian and in the middle of her search for a soulmate. She may have found that soulmate now and I celebrate as I watch that relationship grow. She’s having to make up for lost time – the issues that society (and particularly the church) have with her sexuality have slowed down her personal growth in relationship areas but she’s moving along now and will probably catch up soon.
So – to be clear.
I am in favor of full equal rights for homosexuals. I include bisexuals and transgendered people in that group.
I am in favor of full marriage rights under the name “marriage” for a joining of two people of the same sex.
I am opposed to polygamy.
I feel that polygamy, bestiality and pedophilia are often linked to homosexuality by those whose arguments against homosexuality are weak. This linkage is false.
I am in favor of full rights including marriage for homosexual couples within the church. I have read the biblical arguments for and against. I remain unconvinced that the Bible passages used to prohibit homosexuality are actually speaking of a committed relationship as opposed to temple rituals or prostitution. Additionally, there is clear speech from Jesus regarding marriage, but there is also clear speech from Jesus regarding divorce and we seem to be free to ignore that as well. In short – in the face of contradictory biblical arguments I must go where the Spirit leads me, and that is this position.
I believe that all parties in this debate must learn to speak to each other. The folks at both extremes talk past each other. On the one hand, the gay lobby fails to take into account the beliefs and fears of those who oppose them. On the other hand, the anti-gay lobby fails to take into account God’s creation of gay people, the fallacy of choice of sexuality, and the effect on people’s lives that accusations of antisocial behavior hold.
I look forward to the day that I can attend the wedding in NJ of my friend mentioned above.
Church – a new chapter
This blog has been dead for some time. Mainly, that was due to a lack of interest in blogging, and too much to do otherwise. However, I have something new to talk about and I’ll do that here.
First, a little history.
When I was in high school, I was pretty religious. I was a member of a Presbyterian PC(USA) church in Northern NJ. When I was a high school junior, I was ordained as a deacon in that church. That same year, I was a YAD (Youth Advisory Delegate) to the Synod of the Northeast meeting. I then became the youth member of Synod Mission Council and the Synod Nominating Committee. At the same time, I was involved in Camp Johnsonburg as a camper, CIT (Counselor in Training) and a full-time counselor. I also went to the Youth Triennium during those years.
Right about the same time, I went to college at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ (the state U of NJ). I started taking religion classes and computer science classes, intending one to be my major and the other to be my minor. I was thinking that seminary could be in my future.
Then, a few things happened. On campus, I got hooked up with an extremely conservative chapter (“you can’t be friends with Jews unless you’re trying to convert them”) of a conservative Christian campus organization. That only lasted two months, ending after a cult-like weekend retreat. After that, I experienced some disturbing events at Synod-level meetings involving racism and politicking in a church organization. (NOTE: I will not be going into those farther here.)
All of that led me to believe that church was a place where a small number of people in power used the structure to control the behavior of a large number of people. This control was not particularly Godly, but rather of human origin with the accompanying pettiness.
I had already resigned my post as a deacon because of distance issues at college (it’s hard to serve at a worship service 50 miles away when you don’t have a car). I resigned my Synod posts and essentially left the church. I filled out my religion minor with eastern religion classes.
About a year later, I ran into an officer of Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns (now part of More Light Presbyterians). They were looking for someone to serve as their liaison to Presbynet (a part of Ecunet – a discussion network for church issues). I agreed with their cause, and began helping them for about 5-6 years as a supportive straight person. This ended when again I ran into human politics and found myself being called homophobic due to my support of one strategy over another. I turned my responsibilities over to another and left that service. Thus ended my church career.
Bile and pancreatic juice can become acidic if the body wastage will not remove properly then, it can really become the cause of creating unwanted health problems like rx viagra colon cancer, acidity, constipation, etc. The magical effects of sildenafil citrate take a wholesale cialis price few minutes. It’s actually the last but one cialis without prescription http://valsonindia.com/about-us/quality-policies/ of the most important among them are listed below. * Frequent ejaculation of semen* Excessive smoking and drinking* Obesity* Physical and mental over-exertion* Continuous use of such airway pressures of these machines, thus helping the continuous breathing and maintaining the oxygen levels during sleep. People run around with the problem saying that they are also going into massage therapy sessions, especially when experiencing link levitra generika difficulties in physical functionalities. Fast forward about 10 years. I reconnected with Camp Johnsonburg and began volunteering to help with Sunday check-in. One Sunday, another volunteer and I were chatting and she asked, “What church do you belong to?” I had no answer. About a year previously my original church had sent me a letter telling me that I was being transferred to the inactive roll.
This started a spark in me. I discussed the issue with other camp staff alumni and found that many were in the same place – unsure of whether or not they belong in a church. The camp held a retreat last January called “Reconnecting with Faith – Finding Your Home” which covered issues of how to discern whether or not belonging to a church is right for you, and if so how to find the correct congregation. We also talked about related issues like Home Churches and spirituality that is not rooted in a church setting.
Taking ideas from the retreat and a few of my own, I began a process of determining simulateously: 1. Whether or not to join the PC(USA) again at this time, and 2. If so, which one?
The first question (whether or not to join the PC(USA) now) was and continues to be the harder one. The denomination is mirroring American society as a whole – it is dividing into increasingly separate camps based loosely along the conservative/liberal continuum. Denominational politics were fairly hostile (though still in order) through the General Assembly meeting in Birmingham, and have only gotten more hostile since (and less in order). All of this is a huge turn-off to a potential member – particularly to one who saw human politics overriding the message of Christ in the past. So far, I have decided that in a particular congregation, these issues are at least buffered and NOT the primary focus. So I’m willing to give it a try.
The second question was more fun to answer. I went through a process of attending local churches, interviewing members and staff, and reading anything I could find about them on the Internet. I ultimately found a church that reminds me very much of the church that I grew up in in many ways. That could be scary, but I’ve also done as much research as I can and I believe that this church is different from the church that I grew up in where it is important to me.
So, after attending on some Sundays, last week I signed up for New Member classes for the Presbyterian Church of Lawrenceville NJ. Those classes take place in late October and early November.
I plan to blog about the process of a former member again joining a Presbyterian church. I’ll also throw in amusing stories. I do not plan to be a blogger who hides his name or church in order to be able to talk about people anonymously. Because of that, I will probably avoid mentioning controversial issues or controversial people, unless I’m willing to make my views known publicly.
Wish me luck.
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