NJ and Gay Marriage
In case you missed it, the NJ Supreme Court made an important ruling on gay marriage yesterday. In a 4-3 vote, the court ruled that while the NJ Constitution does not guarantee the right to “marry” to gay people, the court requires that the NJ legislature in the next 180 days pass laws to give all rights, privileges and responsibilities of married straight couples to committed gay couples. Those include:
- a surname change without petitioning the court (after a marriage or union)
- ownership of property as tenants by the entirety, which would allow for both automatic transfer of ownership on death, and protection against severance and alienation
- survivor benefits under New Jersey’s Workers’ Compensation Act
- back wages owed to a deceased spouse
- compensation available to spouses, children, and other relatives of homicide victims under the Criminal Injuries Compensation Act
- free tuition at any public institution of higher education for surviving spouses and children of certain members of the New Jersey National Guard
- tuition assistance for higher education for spouses and children of volunteer firefighters and first-aid responders
- tax deductions for spousal medical expenses
- an exemption from the realty transfer fee for transfers between spouses
- the testimonial privilege given to the spouse of an accused in a criminal action
- the requirement for an employer to extend health care coverage to a spouse
- statutory leave to care for an ill spouse
- the requirement that a bequest is automatically revoked to a spouse after a divorce
- the requirement for an estate to pay for support and maintenance of a surviving spouse when a will is contested
- parentage, custody, visitation and child support rights when a child is born during a marriage
- support requirements after a divorce (alimony)
It is important to note that the minority set of 3 justices in this case filed a dissent stating that they would prefer to grant marriage rights to homosexuals immediately rather than letting the legislature take action. That means a 7-0 unanimous vote for gay marriage in some form, and a 4-3 split on whether or not to use the word “marriage”.
At least one state legislator has announced her intention to create an amendment to the NJ constitution restricting marriage to one man and one woman. Another legislator has announced his intent to create and amendment to the NJ constitution to specifically redefine marriage to include gay couples. Yet another legislator has announced his intention to impeach all justices involved.
I applaud this ruling. I want to make my feelings and beliefs very clear.
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While growing up, I was subject to the misconceptions and outright lies about gay people told to me by my parents. I remember one conversation in the car at about age 13 in particular – so vividly that I remember exactly where on the street we were when it took place. In that conversation, my parents informed me that all gays were diseased, that they all had sex with anybody and regularly had multiple partners, and that they were all drug addicts. In their defense I will state that we do have one gay cousin on my mother’s side who at the time did fit all of that. My parents’ bigoted attitude is shocking to me, particularly given their more permissive and understanding attitudes towards racial issues, gender issues, and even those of other religions. Since then their attitudes have softened a bit but they are still against homosexuality in general and gay marriage in particular.
Luckily for me, my church activities brought me into contact with homosexual people. At events like the Synod meeting and the Presbyterian Youth Triennium I came in contact with Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns (PLGC – now known as More Light Presbyterians). I discovered a group of people who had the same life issues that I had – going to work, buying groceries, changing cat litter, etc. These were folks wrestling with the same issues that I did – issues of faith, issues of life. Unfortunately, these folks also had other issues – being accepted in society, being accepted in the church.
Shortly after that I found that I had some gay friends at college. Again – just regular folks who prefer romantic partners of the same gender. All of the same joys and concerns were there, including building solid romantic relationships with one person and searching for a lifetime partner. The only difference was that I couldn’t talk to others openly about these friends for fear of what others might do to them.
And that has continued until today. I have one good friend that I met through camp who is a lesbian and in the middle of her search for a soulmate. She may have found that soulmate now and I celebrate as I watch that relationship grow. She’s having to make up for lost time – the issues that society (and particularly the church) have with her sexuality have slowed down her personal growth in relationship areas but she’s moving along now and will probably catch up soon.
So – to be clear.
I am in favor of full equal rights for homosexuals. I include bisexuals and transgendered people in that group.
I am in favor of full marriage rights under the name “marriage” for a joining of two people of the same sex.
I am opposed to polygamy.
I feel that polygamy, bestiality and pedophilia are often linked to homosexuality by those whose arguments against homosexuality are weak. This linkage is false.
I am in favor of full rights including marriage for homosexual couples within the church. I have read the biblical arguments for and against. I remain unconvinced that the Bible passages used to prohibit homosexuality are actually speaking of a committed relationship as opposed to temple rituals or prostitution. Additionally, there is clear speech from Jesus regarding marriage, but there is also clear speech from Jesus regarding divorce and we seem to be free to ignore that as well. In short – in the face of contradictory biblical arguments I must go where the Spirit leads me, and that is this position.
I believe that all parties in this debate must learn to speak to each other. The folks at both extremes talk past each other. On the one hand, the gay lobby fails to take into account the beliefs and fears of those who oppose them. On the other hand, the anti-gay lobby fails to take into account God’s creation of gay people, the fallacy of choice of sexuality, and the effect on people’s lives that accusations of antisocial behavior hold.
I look forward to the day that I can attend the wedding in NJ of my friend mentioned above.
New Member Class – Day 1
Yesterday was also the first day of New Member Classes at the Presbyterian Church of Lawrenceville, NJ. Classes are 9am to 10:30am and will continue on October 28 and November 4. These classes are run about 3 times a year.
The classes are actually intended to explore membership and prepare you should you choose to join. It looks like most of the group is headed towards joining.
There are about 20 people in this group. Yesterday, 14 of them were there (several spouses were off handling soccer duty). This was a very diverse group in terms of age and some other factors, though not racially.
The format was remarkably similar to the Johnsonburg Reconnecting with Faith retreat. We all sat in a bit circle (well, oval – it was a big group) with the pastor and the Interim Associate for Pastoral Ministry (in this case Jill Cifelli) mixed in the group. Each of us were asked to introduce ourselves and talk about what we do during the day. Jill started, and because her daytime work is church-related we ended up with each person describing briefly their church search as well as their day job. Carolyn came with me and explained that she is a practicing Catholic (seems she’d get good at it at some point!) and was there to support me.
After that, we watched the video Who Are We Presbyterians?. This is a 20-minute video that does a good job of presenting the high points of Presbyterian faith and organization, though it does tend to concentrate a little too hard on diversity.
Then we were asked to talk about what we saw in the video. A few people who are new to Presbyterianism stated that they really liked Salvation by Grace as compared to their prior church. A few group members brought up the liberal/conservative divide (it wasn’t me, honest!) and we batted that around for a while. The jist of that discussion is that this church favors the open discussion of issues while staunchly defending freedom of conscience. The phrase used was “generous orthodoxy”. In short – we have people all over the spectrum and we LIKE that, and encourage people to speak their mind. Rigid control of belief within narrow confines is not required. Having said that, the church averages out to someplace between the middle and liberal end of the spectrum. Not quite far enough to be a More Light church, but certainly not at the conservative end.
The one thing that people said over and over is that this church cares more for each person as a PERSON than they do about their particular ideology. People are not representatives of a theological or political position – they are PEOPLE who happen to have a personal theology and political opinion. At least 1/2 of the group said that this was an important factor in their choice of Lawrenceville as a church home (and I’m in that list).
One last similarity to the Johnsonburg retreat appeared. Carolyn put it best on the way home – “There are some hurt and angry people here.” This makes complete sense to me. You come to a church as a new adult member for one or more of a short list of reasons:
- You left the church at some point because you were not spiritually at home, unhappy or even hurt by the church.
- You drifted away from the church because of disinterest.
- You have children, and need to find a church home for baptism, sunday school, etc. Or maybe you want to get married in a church.
- You’ve recently moved and need to find a new church.
- You’ve never been involved in a church, but you’ve found the redeeming power of Christ.
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Based on the stories that were told, the latter reason may have been a part of one or two people’s reasons out of 14. The rest of the reasons covered everybody.
I was amazed at the distances that people travel to join this church. One new member is driving from upper Bucks County, PA. A few others are coming from Princeton. I’m coming from Hamilton. We had one couple where one of the two people cited “it’s the closest church” as the reason for joining. These folks either came back to the church that they grew up in or had a deliberate search path (not as regimented as mine, but just as comprehensive). (Side note – just by listening I’ve learned a lot to incorporate in the next retreat.)
At the end of the session, we had a moment to fill out some paperwork. We have to write a brief biography that will be published in the church bulletin and newsletter after we join – I’m still working on that. We also had our pictures taken to be put in the bulletin and newsletter.
Next week we have a session on stewardship. At some point, we’re going to participate in a session of Lectio Divina but I’m not sure which week. In mid-November on a Wednesday we meet with the session, and then are introduced (and in some cases baptized?) on November 19.
I’ll write up the remaining classes as well. Keep watching this blog!
The Interim Associate for Pastoral Ministry is my co-pilot; God is in the back seat
Yesterday afternoon, I went flying with Nolan Huizenga, the Interim Associate for Pastoral Ministry at Lawrenceville Presbyterian. Nolan and another person are sharing the duties of the Associate Pastor at the church while the church undergoes a search for a new Associate Pastor. (and I’m pretty sure he’s a Candidate for a call – he’ll make somebody a great pastor someday)
Nolan is a little ahead of me in flying – he has his Private license and his Instrument rating while I’m just finishing the work for my Instrument rating. However, he doesn’t get to fly much (I imagine that a church paycheck will do that). When he learned that I am an active pilot, he made his interest in accompanying me known (we pilots call that “begging” with the same cool demeanor expected of us).
So, yesterday we went up. I needed 2.5 hours of cross-country time. We flew from South Jersey Regional Airport (VAY) in Mount Holly to Cape May airport (WWD) flying essentially due south across the lower 1/2 of the state. On the way home, we headed up the coast past Atlantic City most of the way to Barnegat, then turned inland, over Lakehurst, and up to Robbinsville. We then headed to Lawrenceville and after contacting the Trenton tower, we took pictures of the church from the air. Then we headed south to Hamilton and I showed Nolan the aerial view of the solar panels on my house. We headed south back to Mount Holly (with a few zigzags to make sure we had the required hours) and landed.
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Update – the pictures are uploaded at Nolan’s Site. Here is a picture of the Lawrenceville Presbyterian Church.
Friends in need
I have a few friends in need.
These are folks that I know both in person and through the Internet. Most of us live far enough apart that we don’t see each other often, but we do communicate just about every day (with lots of other people) online.
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So, please pray for/think good thoughts about/send some good karma to my friends A, J and L. (No, they don’t wear black suits and don’t work under a bridge in Brooklyn.)
On “They” and “We”
The crisis in the Presbyterian Church (USA) is being fought by minorities from opposite ends of the conservative/liberal spectrum. The fighters might not like us calling them conservative or liberal (though they don’t have a problem using those terms for the OTHER folks) – they prefer terms like “Biblically faithful” or “non-discriminatory”. But the bottom line is that the noise is coming from those at the ends.
The folks at each end will tell you that THEY actually represent the silent majority.
From where I sit, it appears that perhaps 10% of the church represent the liberal activist point of view. Another 20% represent the conservative activist point of view. That leaves 70% in the middle. (For the record – I consider myself to be part of that 70% but I lean towards beliefs congruent with the liberal activists. I feel the need to compromise – the folks at the ends do not.)
What concerns me most is that the language used in the church today is increasingly “They” language. “The liberals refuse to be faithful to Scripture.” “Evangelicals continue to discriminate against gay people.” We are all about THEY.
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What happened to WE? We are the followers of Christ, in our sinfulness. We are the joyful people of God, celebrating His majesty.
I got very close yesterday to e-mailing the church and cancelling my place in Saturday’s new member class after reading one of these divisive blog posts. As someone returning to the church, I feel somewhat like a child being adopted. Adoption agencies look at the stability of the family before allowing an adoption. I feel a bit like the family that I’m about to join isn’t very stable, even though home life looks good on Sundays.
We all need a little more WE and a lot less THEY in the church.
12 or 19 Years
Twelve years ago today, Carolyn and I were married at St. Anthony of Padua church in Butler, NJ.
Nineteen years ago today, Carolyn and I had our first date, attending a showing of Monty Python and the Holy Grail at the Rutgers University Student Center in New Brunswick, NJ.
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(This is being time-posted. We have better things to think about today than blogging.)
Presbyterian Podcast
A couple of younger pastors have gotten together to produce Decently and in Order – the first Presbyterian podcast. About every 2 weeks they get together in person or on the phone, and chat about various topics related to the Presbyterian Church (USA), Christianity in general, or other subjects. Their programs run about an hour, and are also available from iTunes. The latest episode is found here.
(For those who don’t know – a podcast is an audio recording, usually in MP3 format, consisting of a program on some subject. They are often listened to on an Apple iPod.)
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This week’s episode talks a lot about the current troubles in the church, prompted by some web postings by More Light Presbyterians. The episode also talks about our moderator’s question “Why do we need presbyteries?” There are several frivolous articles on this one. Be warned – the discussion of one website comes right up to the line of Not Safe For Work.
Presbyopic Presbyterian
As I mentioned last week, I have aged sufficiently that I now need reading glasses. I picked them up last night.
I’m still adjusting. They worked really well reading in bed last night. Today I’m using them with the computer. I’m getting minor headaches, but I suspect that’s just my brain adjusting. I’m also still learning all of the “glasses” stuff like how not to forget them, how to keep them clean, when to use and when not to use them (these readers make anything beyond computer monitor distance blurry). Any suggestions are appreciated.
This is gonna be a busy end of week and next week.
Tonight – NJ Devils home opener (which we are likely to skip – Carolyn is a bit sick)
Tomorrow evening – Trenton Titans season ticket pickup party
Saturday – Camp Johnsonburg fundraising golf tournament
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Sunday – Carolyn and my 12th wedding anniversary
Tuesday – ASME Trenton Section (Carolyn is a member) dinner – “Great Engineering Disasters”
Thursday – open house for employee families at my office (with free food)
Saturday 10/21 – the first day of New Member Classes for church, plus a cross-country flight in the afternoon for my flight training
I need one of those double-wicked candles.
Back to the Old Days
Yesterday … North Korea successfully tested a nuclear weapon. (CNN Article)
For years and years, Americans grew up knowing that their world could end at any moment, ended by a nuclear war. From the 1940’s and 1950’s through 1989, Russia and China were the nuclear enemies.
In 1989, the Berlin Wall came down. This was the end of communism in Europe, and later in the Soviet Union (now called Russia, for the most part). In 1994, Russia announced that their nuclear weapons were no longer sitting on the pad pre-aimed at the United States. The nuclear sword of Damocles that had hung over our heads since birth was no longer a threat.
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Today, Russia is fairly stable and a sometimes-ally of the United States. China is a major trading partner with the US and currently not considered a direct threat (though their industrialization shows that this may change in the future). The other nuclear powers (United Kingdom, France, Israel, India, Pakistan) are not considered to be threats to the United States. With today’s test, North Korea is the first nation considered an enemy of the United States to have nuclear weapons. The Sword is back.
I feel most for those born after the early 1980’s. These kids and young adults were born without the fear of imminent nuclear annihilation. The rest of us “knew” that at any moment, somebody might do something somewhere and that the result would be a bright flash and then whatever your religious beliefs say happens. These youngsters are dealing with it for the first time.
Don’t worry – life goes on. You just have to assume that today is not that day.
I’m old
Went to the eye doctor last night.
I was having some headaches at work since the move. They’ve mostly subsided, leading me to believe that rather than a vision problem they were caused by outgassing carpets, cubicles, and new A/C system (the building was completely renovated for us). However, my near vision has been getting farther away. I can read without trouble, but after a while it gets tiring.
The eye doctor concluded that I have no glaucoma and that my vision had declined from an above-average 20/15 to just 20/20 now. My near focal distance has increased.
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I’m old.
(And yes, I know that many of you have been wearing glasses for years. This is more about the degradation of my vision due to age than it is about vision in general.)
Web Stuff
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