Family – putting the fun in dysfunctional
Saturday was the Smith family Christmas get-together. We had to hold it early due to my brother’s police employment (he has to work Christmas).
Mom and Dad went to China last summer. They gave each of us a Beijing olympics 2008 t-shirt. Translation of sizes was difficult, so they guessed.
I opened mine:
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Mom: That’s OK – you can lose weight until you fit into it.
Yep. She actually said that.
Things are breaking this week
Literally.
Last Sunday night we had a windstorm come through behind a Nor’Easter of rain. About 10:30pm Carolyn and I were lying in bed and we heard (over the LOUD wind) a crash outside. After going outside I discovered that our barbecue grill had released its friction wheel locks and rolled off the patio landing at a 45 degree angle on a bush. It had been tucked up against the back porch. I checked for propane leaks and dragged it across the paving stones (very hard) into the garage for the night.
I also discovered that one of the satellite cables from the dish had gotten pulled out of the siding J-channel and was flopping in the wind. I tied it down some and we’ll fix it when weekend weather permits.
The grill is OK and the main burners work right. It has a side round burner that we’ve never used and that burner isn’t adjusted right. It’ll get fixed when the weather gets warmer.
On Monday I bought some longer bungee cords and the grill is now bungeed to the back porch.
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I have to wonder how someone young enough to have never driven a car with manual brakes would have reacted. I slowed down, allowed a long following distance to the car ahead, and coasted as much as possible to avoid braking. I was able to stop but at a much longer distance and it required planning.
So far that’s all that broke. Last night I woke up cold (we use a setback thermostat) and got panicky wondering if the furnace had broken.
What’s next?
UPDATE: 10am – the part for the car came in. I should get it back today.
Hurt by the church, and always looking over your shoulder
Many inactives (a percentage nearing 50%, if anecdotal evidence is accurate) have left because they feel (rightly or wrongly) that they have been hurt by the church. I’m one of them. (Read my story HERE for more)
I know that this makes it hard to return. I’m slowly realizing that the perception of abuse creates a barrier to trust.
I find that I’m constantly on the lookout for behaviors that exemplify the reasons that I left. I’m watching for extremist and exclusionary beliefs. I’m watching for people using positions of power for their own purposes. I’m watching for the use of labels (racist, homophobe) to stifle alternative points of view.
For the most part, I’m finding these things nationally. Presbyterian blogs of late are very partisan and inflammatory. The impulse to shout down and control the other party is stronger than the impulse to embrace the other party – from both the right and left. This is no surprise and it is a disappointment.
Locally, I’m not seeing it as much. Sure, there’s the woman on one committee who states her opinion as if it were held by many others (a majority, even). Of course there are abrasive personalities. There is passive/aggressive behavior (and I find myself drawn into it sometimes). It’s there, but at a lower level than I experienced before I left the church.
Yet, I’m still looking over my shoulder. I find myself waiting for the straw that breaks the camel’s back. I think about whether or not the latest minor upset (or major upset in the case of national/Internet Presbyterian politics) is enough to make me break. So far, not yet.
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When does the mainly positive experience build up to the point where you start feeling safe? When can you let your guard down?
I’m beginning to think that once you’ve been hurt by the church, that point never comes. Your sense of safety can increase, but you never reach the threshold of “safe”. Your innocence is lost.
And still I plod along.
Two other thoughts: First – this does not hold me back from being honest and open. A key part of my sense of self is that I MUST be honest and open, and that hiding your thoughts/feelings/ideas for temporary gain is actually a form of dishonesty. Second – I LOVE working with the youth group in part because they are ALWAYS honest, blunt, and frank. The combination of being unafraid to say anything combined with the love that our youth show us and each other is precious. I wish I could get back there again myself.
(Lest anyone think that I consider my experiences on the same level as those who have experienced real abuse – physical, mental or otherwise – please understand that I’m not. There are parts of my past that get near that line but not to the level of many. I am both glad that it hasn’t been that bad for me and sad/upset/frustrated that is IS that bad for others.)
Missing God
I’m not seeing God much these days.
One of the questions that the youth director at church asks the students (and adults) is “Where did you see God this week?” Lately I’ve been happy that I haven’t been called out to answer, because I really don’t have a good answer.
I definitely don’t see Him at work. People can’t be depended on to do their own jobs, much less help others. Gossip and backstabbing abound.
At home, things are basically normal. All cylinders are firing, and life is running at a nice constant RPM. Maybe that’s what God is about, but I’m not seeing the traditional view of God when a little extra help is needed.
At church …. hmmpf. For the most part, the church experience has been kind of flat for me lately. I’m not feeling inspired by worship. I’m attending a lot of church meetings which, as we all know, are not generally considered to be the place where people’s best shines through. There are no real beginnings or culminations. It’s just kind of … there.
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The Internet and blogosphere? Please. I think God avoids them like the plague (so to speak – don’t get any ideas). If you want to see people behaving at their worst a lot of the time, participate in discussion forums or blogs.
The one exception is youth group. I do see God in our meetings. I see it in Confirmation class as the youth absorb and reflect beliefs and emotions about God (and consistently impress me). I see it in the camaraderie, laughter, tears (and particularly in reaction to those tears) and community of the Senior High group. Lately there just haven’t been many of these events. Confirmation teaching sessions are only every 2-3 weeks, and the Senior High schedule hasn’t involved me (retreat with no available spots for adult advisor) or has been canceled (Thanksgiving weekend).
Maybe this is just a case of winter blahs. Maybe it’s a bit of burning the candle at too many ends. I dunno. I’m just not seeing God in my life all that often.
I hope He comes back soon.
KC2SMS
For those of you who don’t recognize it, KC2SMS is a United States amateur radio call sign. It’s used to identify the station and operator of a “ham” radio station in the US.
It also means me.
I’ve been interested in radio for many years. During college I was a member of the Rutgers Amateur Radio Club (WA2NPP), but I never got my license. I just didn’t want to go to the effort to learn Morse Code.
Earlier this year, the FCC (and ITU – the international body governing radio) eliminated the Morse Code requirement for all amateur radio licenses.
When I decided to stop flying, I looked for a less expensive hobby that could be done on my schedule (flying is clearly neither). I tried some online version of the ham radio tests after doing 20 minutes of looking at a study guide and to my surprise I passed both the entry level (Technician) and middle level (General) tests. I seem to have learned a lot of the information over the years from one source or another. I decided to do some studying and take the tests. It only costs $14 for a testing session and you can take as many levels as you pass for the same fee.
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Yesterday the paperwork went all the way through and I was issued my call sign and license. I have a Yaesu VX-6R handheld VHF/UHF radio on order that should arrive later this week. In the future I’ll look into a mobile (car) radio that handles all bands and can be used at home as well. I don’t think I plan to install a major antenna farm or tower at home – I’ll probably get field antennas and put them up when I want to use them.
I have already contacted the ARES/RACES (Amateur Radio Emergency Service and Radio Amateur Civil Emergency Service) folks in my area. I’ll start working with them soon, though there is a pause in activity for those groups in December every year. I also may get involved in traffic nets – the passing of short messages via radio from members of the public to other members of the public with the intent to train for the need to pass important messages in an emergency.
Besides, being an IT person by day, being heavily involved in church, and flying airplanes wasn’t nearly geeky enough.
73
Hanging up the Headset
For the time being, I have stopped flying.
There are two primary reasons: time and money.
With my re-involvement in church, my available time for flying is severely restricted. Flying and maintaining skills at a proper level requires flying at least once every 2 weeks and once a week is better. Training for a new rating or certificate requires a minimum of flying once a week (knowing that 1 week out of 4 will be canceled by weather). Flying that once a week requires about 1/2 of a weekend day with my schedule. With church involvement, I’ve lost 1 of the 4 possible timeslots. With youth group, I’ve more or less lost another (the Sunday afternoon/evening slot – particularly with me involved in Confirmation that meets until 12:30pm). And I still need to do all of the things that need to be done on the weekend – like lawn care, spending time with my wife, chores around the house, etc.
Also, money is … while not getting tight it’s not as free as it used to be. With reinvolvement with the church I’m giving about half of what I used to spend on flying in a given year to the church. The other half of my flying budget has been eroded by $3/gallon auto gas, 2% raises for several years where inflation was more like 4%, and the cost of everything going up.
Ever since getting my instrument rating in January I haven’t been flying as much. I’ve averaged only once a month and I had a two month break in the spring when my blood pressure medication needed to be adjusted. And I haven’t missed it as much as I might have (though I do miss it some). The reason for that has to do with my reasons for learning to fly in the first place.
Starting about 2001, management changes at my job began to make my position extremely uncomfortable. The head of IT at the time took a strong dislike to me and made it a point to harm my career progress. He also said things in reviews, to me personally, and to others about my performance that my current boss can’t understand. The problem was someplace between a personality conflict and actual malice on his part.
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I had always had an interest in flying and I needed to find an activity that met a few criteria: doable by me, complex knowledge required but still learnable with a reasonable application of time and effort, and interesting to me. Flying met all of those.
And I did learn a lot. I learned more than just the flying itself. I learned the concepts of positive control and immediate correction when necessary. I learned how to tell the difference between a small problem that can be temporarily ignored and a major problem that requires immediate attention. I learned a lot about “shades of gray” – very important to someone who works with 1’s and 0’s for a living. I also learned a lot about learning and how I need to learn in order to grow.
In the process I made a few good friends, a small number of enemies, and did something that only a tiny percentage of the population has done.
The good news is that I can do it again when my situation changes. I can’t say for certain that my church involvement will continue at the current high level forever. I also can’t say (and don’t want to) that I won’t find a lot of money under a rock and be able to afford flying as a weekday activity (though Dad tells me that there aren’t any rich relatives). I’ll just need to get with an instructor for a checkout, maybe a BFR (I’m not due until January 2009) and for instrument currency I’ll need some work with an instructor.
A word to those who might be considering learning to fly or who are already doing it: My situation is different than yours. If you are able to afford it and put in the time, go for it. Some people are driven to fly in the same way that sailors have been driven to sail the sea – a nearly primal instinct that draws you to the air. I know a number of pilots who have that. I have never had that need to fly – for me it was an interesting hobby. I do understand and support that need in others. If you have that need, find a way to fly – you’ll be happier in the long run.
Layoffs again, *sigh*
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I think I need to turn my discretionary spending into discretionary saving.
Sick
I was out sick yesterday.
On Wednesday, I had a sore throat all day. I gave my boss a warning that I’d probably be out on Thursday – usually a sore throat precedes my sinuses doing their “thick as a brick” impression.
It was worse than that. I slept all but 6 hours Thursday (or 18 hours total). By the time I figured out that I’m sicker than I thought and took my temperature it was 100.8. I started pushing fluids at that point.
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Today I’m at work with only 99.6, but only because I have important stuff to do and a meeting to attend. I’m going home sick at noon.
I’m supposed to go see the Blue Man Group tonight. I have to decide whether or not to suffer through or blow the $80 tickets.
Penance or a Good Deed?
This week has been a long week. I’ve been attending a training class in Philadelphia. That requires me to get up before 6am in order to get to Trenton in time for a train that will get me to class on time. Last night, I added a church meeting to that – going straight from the train station to the church and getting home about 9:30pm.
When I got home last night, I discovered that the trees and bushes on the side of the house were covered in toilet paper (and inexplicably paper towels). This is the first time in 12 years at this house that we’ve had our house vandalized (well, we had our mailbox pulled down once). I spoke to a few neighbors who were out and they knew that it was done before 8:45pm. We also reported it to the police – a neighbor’s house was damaged by eggs Sunday and another neighbor had a pumpkin stolen.
Tonight I got home and my wife reported that 4 neighborhood kids (including 2 kids commonly known as “bad” kids) stopped her in the driveway and asked her if it was OK for them to clean up the mess. They did, and we gave them the first candy of the night.
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Now I think it’s somewhat likely that they did the deed in the first place. Either way, they made up for it and did a good deed.
I had been seriously considering withholding candy from everybody, but this restored my faith in people.
Blogging will be very sparse this week
I’m going to a training class in Philadelphia this week. That means getting up early to take the train in and getting home late. There is This blend is seen to prompt sudden low circulatory strain, unconsciousness, and even heart assault. viagra professional canada Sildenafil citrate is basic ingredient of Zenegra, which is even found in viagra uk shop trade name. However, the healing process free samples levitra was little slow but, the results were outstanding. Erectile dysfunction also known as impotence is a medical spebuy viagra online check for more infot who treats and studies all of the previous studies on headaches. no computer access at the class (too cheap to provide wireless), so I won’t have any access except in the shortened evenings.
Blogging should resume next week.
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