Introverts and Youth Ministry
Grier Booker-Richards – a friend, seminarian about to graduate (hire her now, ask me how!), and experienced youth ministry veteran – has given me another blog challenge. “Write something about introverts and youth ministry”.
Now, I’m no expert on youth ministry. At best I’m a somewhat gifted amateur. So I will write about what I can clearly write about – my experiences and what that leads me to think.
Background: I’m just over the border to the 40’s, I test clearly as an INFP (strong I, strong N), and I’ve been a camp counselor and more recently a volunteer youth advisor to a Sr. High youth group at my church. My return to church after a long absence also marked my first journey into youth ministry as an adult. That was about 2 years ago. (Wow. Only 2 years?)
I’ll divide the rest into 2 areas: Introverts entering youth ministry, and Introvert style in youth ministry
Introverts Entering Youth Ministry
I’ll admit it – I was very nervous when I started doing youth ministry again. The last time I had done it was when I was a youth. I remembered it fondly, and most importantly I was invited in. Alicia, who I knew from camp, invited me to try out the youth group for a week or two. She told me when to arrive and how to prepare. She was there the first evening.
I was feeling a bit worried because my youth relational skills were VERY rusty. Carolyn and I don’t have children, and I had very little interaction with anybody under age 25 for almost 20 years. I didn’t know if I would have anything in common with the youth. I was feeling all of the same fears that any new member of a youth group would feel.
I overcame that, and discovered (mostly in the 2nd week, when we broke out into groups) that the youth were fantastic people. No, I mean REALLY impressive – better than I remember being at their age.
The key for me was that I had someone who invited me in. Without Alicia I’m not sure that I would have taken the step. It’s really funny to think that after my experiences. Today, as I go through my career transition, I’m told repeatedly that if possible my new career should include working with youth. There are people saying that they believe that I have a gift for this. And I never would have found that out without Alicia pulling me in.
If you are an introvert (or just “shy”) and are considering youth ministry, try it. Do it on your terms – make sure that you aren’t making a permanent or long-term commitment and just try it out for a week or two. You’ll find out very quickly that you love it or hate it or can do it but it doesn’t excite you. See where God is calling you. Peek out of your shell.
It’s also important to remember a few things to be more comfortable. First, you are an adult. You are the authority in the room (maybe not the top dog, but certainly above the youth). You have a life outside of the group. You can walk away if you feel that you need to. Second – you aren’t alone. Something like 20% of the youth AND adults in the room will be introverts, too. Other youth workers are trained (to some degree) in working with people of different types and they’ll be able to “read” you too and help you find your place. Third – everybody (God included) wants the best possible experience for you and the youth. They’ve got your back. Fourth – be yourself. If you are considering doing this it’s likely that being yourself is good enough (or better). Youth need different kinds of adults in their lives. By being yourself you provide them the strong example of authenticity when interacting with others.
In short – entering any new situation is hard. This one can be easier than most.
Introvert Style in Youth Ministry
One of the great “truths” about ministry is that its easier for those who are outgoing or extroverted. There’s some truth to that – ministry requires you to meet many new people and understand their needs and to give your message to the world. It’s real, but not absolute.
Youth ministry is one place where being an introvert is a double-edged sword. On the one hand the youth minister is expected to lead a group of people in need of direction and guidance. You can’t live completely in your shell to do that. But on the other hand, youth ministers are expected to be able to take a deep dive into the lives of their youth – particularly those who need more guidance or help or a shoulder to cry on than the average. This is where introverts excel.
Treat diabetes: pomegranate juice helps to treat soft viagra diabetes very effectively. Though many medicines are quoted to be interfering with sexual function but it is relatively difficult to determine whether a particular medicine is causing erectile dysfunction or http://cute-n-tiny.com/cute-animals/llama-worm/ on line viagra affecting sexual function because: * Many diseases affect sexual function, so it can be difficult to find. Bad energy can be transferred in forms of delivery, and mode of payment. check this online order viagra When some players see this next defense called the free sample viagra Look At This English Defense, they try to move the game into a calmer setting. A young person today is very much like young people of all times – a bundle of new feelings, new hormones, a need to find a direction, and a hunger for connecting with others. Today’s youth also have something that I don’t remember when I was their age – a drive to make the world a better place and ownership of the world that they are inheriting.
Youth today need breadth and depth. Breadth is something that the extrovert large group leader is good at – energizing, motivating, teaching and entertaining a crowd. The extrovert leader is able to communicate with the mass of youth and mold them roughly into better disciples, while gaining energy.
Where the introvert excels is depth. Introverts are very comfortable delving into the deep corners of the soul, and often make very good listeners. Introverts who trust others can build relationships that are long-term, deep, and very meaningful to both parties. The introvert in youth ministry is less a sunny day or a thunderstorm than a rock or a tree – a solid (but not unchanging) structure that a youth can choose to linger near or cling to.
Please note first that these are gross generalizations and not true in all cases. Sara Ferguson, one of my fellow youth advisors, is an extrovert with a capital E, and a capital X, and a capital T … you get the idea. Yet she has formed the deepest relationships with our youth and is a strong and deep presence in their lives. I’m getting better at working the group instead of working with individuals myself. It’s an experience thing.
Also please note that breadth and depth are not the same things as quantity and quality. Breadth and depth in youth ministry work are different kinds of quality. Quantity does influence style – the extrovert is somewhat better with large groups and the introvert may be better with an individual. But quality is in my opinion more important than quantity. Breadth and depth are both different and non-contradictory measures of quality.
I also firmly believe that anybody can love anybody else (that’s what we’re doing – loving the youth). Some relationships are natural and a few are almost automatic. There’s no truth to the idea that introverted leaders work best with introverted youth, or the opposite. It’s just a matter of style.
I do have a few tips for introverts in youth ministry, particularly those new to it:
Sitting on the Couch – Grier (remember Grier – she asked for this) taught me in an e-mail message that I received on the way to my first Montreat Youth Conference a ministry style that works well for me. It’s called “Ministry by sitting on the couch”. The idea is to simply be there, be available, and the youth will come to you. At Montreat that took the form of sitting on the couch at First House (often recovering strength) and being open to speaking with the youth. At my church youth group it means being loose and approachable – being there for someone to talk to. If a youth wants to speak with you, they will find you. This really works! I had a few youth approach me at Montreat and we had some really deep conversations. The same happens back at home – particularly with the youth who arrive early for events. A few other thoughts on this – boundaries are important. Don’t get hounded into giving up all of your free time. When you are there for them, you have to give them your FULL attention. Introverts are generally good at this unless socially exhausted. Also, a little bit of followup privately (as opposed to in the middle of the room in a crowd) is important.
You Won’t Connect With All of Them – One thing that I find periodically frustrating is an inability to connect with all of my youth. I truly love each of them in a way unique to the individual. Realize this – you couldn’t possibly connect with each youth even if you wanted to, unless your group is VERY small. And there’s no reason to expect to either. This is why having multiple volunteers is important – different people click with different youth. Don’t be upset if you fail to make a strong connection with any given youth – it’s more important that the youth connect with SOME adult. Just be there for the youth that you do connect with.
One related issue common to INFP’s is the typical inability to accept yourself. INFP’s are never satisfied with themselves – there is always a way to improve. For me this means that the way that other people see me is a blind spot – I have trouble seeing myself as others see me. Seek a safe person to check your assumptions with – they may see your interactions with others differently (and more accurately) than you do.
Help the introverted youth – You know what it’s like to be new in a group, and what it’s like to be an introvert in a crowd. Be on the lookout for youth going through the same things. Sit next to the new kid and just be there. You don’t have to make endless small talk. Just be there. And if a youth reaches the “people overload” point and has to leave the room for a while, be the person who follows them for safety reasons. Find a reason to go in the same direction (cleaning up dishes often works) and just bump into them in the hall. Give them the space that they need without needing to round them up to rejoin the group. You’ll need to bring them back at some point, but you’ll have some idea of when their batteries are recharged enough. This requires some trust of both the leaders and the youth, but you’ll reach the “it’s OK – Mark is handling it” point pretty quickly.
You are not just an introvert – Everybody is different. Everybody has different talents. You will form relationships with all types of youth – both the introverted and the extroverted. That’s a good thing. You may have to extend yourself a little more than you’re used to, but it’s totally worth it. You have something to give to the group that is unique, and you need to share it with all. For me, it’s a love of sci-fi and anime, drumming, and flying. For you it is probably something else. Share yourself with all.
To sum up – introverts are a bit of a special case in youth ministry, but it is not a negative. Introverts bring unique skills and viewpoint to any group, and can balance things. Introverts can minister to other introverts, but are most effective when providing a quiet but strong presence to all.
Twitter of Faith
Social networks, particularly in the religious community, often birth great ideas through random means.
Today is another example. A discussion was going on between Adam Walker-Cleaveland (@adamwc on Twitter) and Shawn Coons (@shawncoons) about Adam’s work on his Statement of Faith that he’s working on for his upcoming appearance before presbytery related to his first call. This produced responses from a number of others including Princeton seminarians, other pastors, and lay people like me.
If you’re a Twitter user, and up to the challenge, simply create a Twitter of Faith in one tweet and include the tag #TOF. Here’s the original challenge:
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You can find the results here.
My response:
Capitalization and “Christian”
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Is that technically correct?
Theological Issues I’m Having Trouble With
I’m having trouble with a few theological issues.
First of all – my theological background. I was once a fairly involved member of a Presbyterian PC(USA) congregation. I was also a religion minor at Rutgers University, and I took several classes on Christianity and the Bible. I have not gotten any farther than that as far as formal theological education.
Biblical Inerrancy
One thing that conservative Christians (often calling themselves evangelical) list as one of their core beliefs is the idea that the Bible contains no errors. This is explained by stating that the authors of the various books of the Bible were inspired by God, and therefore there could be no errors. This leads to the logical conclusion that we must follow every instruction in the Bible.
There are some problems with that. In some places the Bible directly contradicts itself. (For one glaring example, take a look at the different accounts of creation in the first two books of Genesis. For an entire list, look HERE). Other times, the Bible prohibits things that we clearly allow today (check your clothing – is it made of mixed fibers?).
It gets worse when people start interpreting the words. I had a very conservative on-campus Christian group tell me once that 2 Corinthians 6:14 (“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do
righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can
light have with darkness?”) meant that I should not be friends with Jews unless I was actively trying to convert them. Others believe that this passage says that Christians should not marry non-Christians, or even form business partnerships with non-Christians.
Almost all forms of Christianity today pick and choose different instructions that are supposedly from the Bible. I have yet to find a church that preaches that eating shellfish is sinful. However, some admit it and others do not. The PC(USA) is officially a Confessional church – meaning that there are documents called Confessions that the PC(USA) has adopted as official interpretations of Scripture. Most of these are historical and go back decades at a minimum, and centuries in many cases. These contradict each other as well. Presbyterians are exhorted to study the Bible and the confessions and so gain both the tools to make their own interpretations of scripture and the decisions that have been made through the consensus polity of the church.
The problem comes when Person A’s interpretation differs from Person B on an issue that either person considers Very Important. This could be divorce. Or homosexuality. Or how often to celebrate Eucharist/Communion. Or whether or not the altar is behind the choir or in front of the choir.
Once upon a time, these differences erupted into actual violent conflict – complete with armies (both of which were the Army of the Lord). Today, it’s fought with words and fought with money. It’s fought with words like apostasy and intolerance.
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Diversity of Belief vs. Purity of Belief
With the late unpleasantness in many Protestant denominations many people are concluding that “I can’t stand being in a church that doesn’t believe X”. Some are using a different form, saying “I can’t stand being in a church that doesn’t accept me as I am”. I can understand the latter – it goes to personal identity and staying in a place where you are clearly unwanted (or part of you is unwanted) is a bad idea all the way around. So I’ll concentrate on the former.
Personally, I believe that our beliefs should be challenged. We must be exposed to different ideas in order to continue to grow spiritually. Some of those ideas will be tested and rejected. Some of those ideas will be interesting but “not for me”. Others will be accepted and become part of our spiritual makeup.
A church where homogeneity is mandated, where the Bible is made into a rulebook rather than a message, in that church the challenge is not there. Everyone who chooses to be part of that church may be comfortable, but nothing is changing. Beliefs are the same, year in and year out. There is no new light.
I would much rather be part of a church where people who hold opposing views are not just tolerated, but encouraged. Where people can debate the various ideas that they have, and learn from each other. Chemical reactions happen when atoms build and break bonds, moving from one form to another. That is my picture of how faith is built – through constant interaction with new and different ideas.
There is a point where it can go too far. There is a place for a core set of beliefs and behaviors that are tolerated. But even then, there is room for those who disagree to be present and part of the community.
Put more simply – how can you learn and grow in faith if you aren’t exposed to other beliefs? How can you spread your message if you don’t associate with those with whom you disagree?
I would much rather belong to a church that chooses to include a few people who don’t check off all of the church’s belief-system check boxes than one that chooses to exclude them. If I (and others) don’t agree with their beliefs, my faith is strengthened by understanding and rejecting their ideas.
Or maybe I am the person without all of the checks on the list. Who has 100% of the checks?
Christian Unity
Now this is an idea whose time has come.
In a time when denominations (including the PC(USA)) are fighting amongst themselves, there is a way to unite Christians.
The Christian Solidarity movement proposes to remind all of us that we’re all basically pulling for the same thing. They say:
Christian Solidarity is a growing,
transformational movement of churches/ministries towards biblical unity
that though we express ourselves in different ways; we are woven
together by our Lord Jesus Christ.
To join you have to affirm a statement that says in part that the church affirms:
- The Trinity, One God, three persons
- Jesus Christ is Lord of all
- The Bible alone is God’s Holy Word
- Human nature is fallen and sinful
- Salvation by grace alone
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Seems like a slam-dunk for Presbyterians.
Each church will show a banner, sign or plaque saying:
One Church
One God
JESUS CHRIST
Worship Him Here
It’s about time somebody remembered that while we disagree on the little stuff, we’re together on the big stuff.
(Hat Tip: RedBlueChristian)
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