A Question for readers
This question is prompted by a meeting with my pastor this morning, related to the past few posts here and the events that they speak of. I’d appreciate comments from my regular readers and new readers. Please chime in.
Is it harmful for a church member to post their thoughts and feelings about a church program, even if they are negative?
Blog platforms such as WordPress allow you to upload posts and to schedule their viagra without prescription release to certain days and times. Your details remain hiddenYou need not to worry while having sex, just get intimate with your partner cialis generic as keeping the concerns to yourself might worsen your condition. Both of them remain unsatisfied. overnight shipping viagra In must be said that online consultations can never take the place of traditional medicine, they do provide a valid address to their purchase generic cialis customers. Which is worse – a member who posts honestly and openly in a personal “public” forum, or a member who conducts a whisper campaign among his/her friends without talking to the appropriate leadership?
Please comment.
Yes …
Yes … I do realize just how poorly worded my question was in the conversation I wrote about yesterday.
I’m not sure why they chose me for a role that requires gifts in interpersonal communication in tense situations. I’ve never had that. Ever. My gifts in that area (if it is a gift) are honesty and directness – often brutal in combination. Interpersonal skills have always been my weakest point (well, that and athletic ability but that rarely comes up these days).
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Why did they think I’d be good at this? Is it too much of a handicap to be a leader in a congregation?
Happy New Year – a roundup
Here’s what I’ve been up to in the last week or two:
12/17 – day off from work, didn’t do much
12/18 – work
12/19 – work, office Christmas lunch
12/20 – work, delayed by brake failure on the way to work, left early
12/21 – work, got my car back, watched the Trenton Devils win
12/22 – Smith family Christmas celebration (see below)
12/23 – church in the morning, youth group Christmas party in the evening
12/24 – off from work, Presbyterian Christmas service in the evening
12/25 – Catholic Christmas service followed by Brennan family celebration
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12/27 – off from work, watch Trenton Devils win
12/28 – off from work, watch Trenton Devils lose in shootout
12/29 – home, work on CDs for friends
12/30 – church, then work on CDs for friends
12/31 – work until 3pm, watch Trenton Devils, home for midnight
1/1 – off from work. Sleep.
Does it seem like I didn’t do much? You’re right. I didn’t. This was sabbath/rest time.
Happy New Year! See you in 2008!
Hurt by the church, and always looking over your shoulder
Many inactives (a percentage nearing 50%, if anecdotal evidence is accurate) have left because they feel (rightly or wrongly) that they have been hurt by the church. I’m one of them. (Read my story HERE for more)
I know that this makes it hard to return. I’m slowly realizing that the perception of abuse creates a barrier to trust.
I find that I’m constantly on the lookout for behaviors that exemplify the reasons that I left. I’m watching for extremist and exclusionary beliefs. I’m watching for people using positions of power for their own purposes. I’m watching for the use of labels (racist, homophobe) to stifle alternative points of view.
For the most part, I’m finding these things nationally. Presbyterian blogs of late are very partisan and inflammatory. The impulse to shout down and control the other party is stronger than the impulse to embrace the other party – from both the right and left. This is no surprise and it is a disappointment.
Locally, I’m not seeing it as much. Sure, there’s the woman on one committee who states her opinion as if it were held by many others (a majority, even). Of course there are abrasive personalities. There is passive/aggressive behavior (and I find myself drawn into it sometimes). It’s there, but at a lower level than I experienced before I left the church.
Yet, I’m still looking over my shoulder. I find myself waiting for the straw that breaks the camel’s back. I think about whether or not the latest minor upset (or major upset in the case of national/Internet Presbyterian politics) is enough to make me break. So far, not yet.
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When does the mainly positive experience build up to the point where you start feeling safe? When can you let your guard down?
I’m beginning to think that once you’ve been hurt by the church, that point never comes. Your sense of safety can increase, but you never reach the threshold of “safe”. Your innocence is lost.
And still I plod along.
Two other thoughts: First – this does not hold me back from being honest and open. A key part of my sense of self is that I MUST be honest and open, and that hiding your thoughts/feelings/ideas for temporary gain is actually a form of dishonesty. Second – I LOVE working with the youth group in part because they are ALWAYS honest, blunt, and frank. The combination of being unafraid to say anything combined with the love that our youth show us and each other is precious. I wish I could get back there again myself.
(Lest anyone think that I consider my experiences on the same level as those who have experienced real abuse – physical, mental or otherwise – please understand that I’m not. There are parts of my past that get near that line but not to the level of many. I am both glad that it hasn’t been that bad for me and sad/upset/frustrated that is IS that bad for others.)
Missing God
I’m not seeing God much these days.
One of the questions that the youth director at church asks the students (and adults) is “Where did you see God this week?” Lately I’ve been happy that I haven’t been called out to answer, because I really don’t have a good answer.
I definitely don’t see Him at work. People can’t be depended on to do their own jobs, much less help others. Gossip and backstabbing abound.
At home, things are basically normal. All cylinders are firing, and life is running at a nice constant RPM. Maybe that’s what God is about, but I’m not seeing the traditional view of God when a little extra help is needed.
At church …. hmmpf. For the most part, the church experience has been kind of flat for me lately. I’m not feeling inspired by worship. I’m attending a lot of church meetings which, as we all know, are not generally considered to be the place where people’s best shines through. There are no real beginnings or culminations. It’s just kind of … there.
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The Internet and blogosphere? Please. I think God avoids them like the plague (so to speak – don’t get any ideas). If you want to see people behaving at their worst a lot of the time, participate in discussion forums or blogs.
The one exception is youth group. I do see God in our meetings. I see it in Confirmation class as the youth absorb and reflect beliefs and emotions about God (and consistently impress me). I see it in the camaraderie, laughter, tears (and particularly in reaction to those tears) and community of the Senior High group. Lately there just haven’t been many of these events. Confirmation teaching sessions are only every 2-3 weeks, and the Senior High schedule hasn’t involved me (retreat with no available spots for adult advisor) or has been canceled (Thanksgiving weekend).
Maybe this is just a case of winter blahs. Maybe it’s a bit of burning the candle at too many ends. I dunno. I’m just not seeing God in my life all that often.
I hope He comes back soon.
Secular Politics and the Church
I’m a bit concerned.
I have said in some places, but perhaps not this blog, something about my feelings on secular politics and the church. The short version is that I feel that the church should teach its members how to make moral judgments, but that the church should NOT be involved in advocating a position on current secular political events. In other words – the church should be for peace, but not for peace in the Middle East by creating a Palestinian state (to give one example). The church is in the field of giving us moral toolkits, but should not be instructing us on exactly how to apply them to specific situations. Otherwise, at some point we stop asking people to make proper personal decisions on secular matters and start dictating those decisions – we create essential tenets that have little to do with God but much to do with the country or world. I know that my opinion is in the minority among church leaders, though I’m not so sure about the pew sitters in general.
My pastor said something in his sermon this past Sunday about the church and politics.
I want to ask us to consider a kind of variation on that Peter Drucker question [mentioned earlier]. To ask whether the business we’re also in as a community of faith is about changing our Common Life … our life together as a people … our participation in the body politic. Does this message have something to say about how we participate in the political realm and in the social realm?
Also, the church has scheduled an event for the church to give their feedback on this issue to our pastor before he delivers a sermon series on the topic.
People to Preacher Symposium on Faith & Politics –
Convener: Jeff Vamos. Two Sections (choose one)
Tuesday, October 30, 6:30-9:00 pm (dinner); or Saturday,
November 3, 9-11:00 am.
What does the Bible say about the relationship between faith and politics? How have Presbyterians dealt with that issue? Is it appropriate to speak of politics from the pulpit? What did Jesus have to say on this? These are questions we will discuss in this symposium. Each one-time conversation is designed to provide Jeff with “grist for the sermon mill” before a twopart sermon series on Faith & Politics in early November.
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Please call the church office, 896-1212 or email office@pclawrenceville.org to register for one of the sessions. Preparatory reading material from the Book of Confessions will be expected.
I don’t think I’m alone – after he made this statement (and a few others) in the sermon the couple sitting next to me got fidgety and wrote a few notes to each other on their bulletin. I got the idea that the pastor’s words made them uncomfortable.
This concerns me because I sense a desire for our church to make more political pronouncements and to become involved in political causes. Other churches do this – some on the left and some on the right.
When I came to Lawrenceville, one of my concerns was the political strife in the church and beyond and the degree to which it would affect me as a member. The church and society as a whole has been polarized into two sides: The Right – evangelical, conservative, fundamentalist, Republican and the Left – progressive, less religious, tolerant, diverse, Democrat. The leaders of government – particularly Republicans – have co-opted the Christian religious establishment as a voting block. I was assured by the Interim Associates for Pastoral Ministry (temporarily filling the Associate Pastor role) that the culture of the Presbyterian Church of Lawrenceville intentionally chose to embrace members from all parts and ends of the political/religious spectrum. That the congregation was willing to discuss controversial issues openly (as opposed to some congregations that avoid them) but in a manner where all points of view are respected. Discussions, not fights. Very even tempered.
What concerns me is that I based my decision to join this church on many factors, and chief among them was this “Big Tent” philosophy. I know that Jeff Vamos (and apparently Mary Alice Lyman as well) falls on the left end of the political/theological spectrum. The church in general tips towards the left end as well. But there is still a respect for those who disagree, and an unwritten agreement that the congregation as a whole (and the Session too) will not take a corporate position on secular political issues. It is probably impossible to impose a similar moratorium on theological positions, though the church does try to be inclusive of all in at least membership.
So I’m worried. Is the church trying to change in a way that goes against one of the bigger reasons that I chose it? Do we stop being the church where all are welcome and become the Church of the Left? Do I need to leave if that happens?
I have signed up for the “symposium” described above. We’ll have to see where it goes.
Re-Connecting with Faith – Finding Your Home – Adult Retreat January 25-27, 2008
Re-Connecting with Faith: Finding Your Home – Adult Retreat
Johnsonburg Presbyterian Center, Johnsonburg, NJ
January 25-27, 2008
Are you considering a church home? Do you currently attend a church, but feel like you’re not getting everything you need? Are you looking at spiritual alternatives? Have you recently moved and need to find a new church? If you answered yes to any of these questions, this retreat is for you!
For a variety of reasons, a large number of adults leave the spiritual home of their youth, or spirituality altogether. However, after a while, many of these people feel like something is missing in their lives. Returning to a spiritual community after an absence can be a bit challenging for many people. Will you encounter the situations that caused you to leave? Will you be accepted? Will you be fulfilled? All too often these challenges result in the person staying away from a spiritual community altogether, and everyone loses.
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This weekend long retreat is held for adults who are currently without a spiritual home, or who are attending a church but don’t feel fed there. We’ll take some time to tell our own stories; who we are and what it is we’re seeking. We’ll also look at some of the challenges in finding a spiritual home and what some different churches have to offer. Come and join those who have gone through this discernment process before and who can help you find your way. Presbyterianism is optional – the program does not assume any particular denomination.
For more information, contact the camp office at 908-852-2349 or info@campjburg.org. The camp website is found at http://www.campjburg.org/.
The cost is yet to be determined but should be between $50 and $100 per person; if money is what’s keeping you from the retreat contact the camp – we have limited assistance available.
An article about last year’s retreat can be found HERE. This year’s program will be very similar.
Another Roundup
I’d like to apologize to my readers for the lack of deeply thoughtful articles of late. Life and work are a bit busy at the moment and I only have time for these roundups.
Work
I’m on the old laptop, reloaded from scratch. I’ve been told today that I’m getting a new one in the next few weeks. Given that this one was nearly top of the line when we bought it in 2000 or 2001 – it’s time. Company culture issues aren’t touching me as much as they had been a while back. One of the “problem children” has resigned and another in a different state has been told that her job is moving to my location by spring and her department reorganized. Given that and a few other things I can’t mention here it’s unlikely that she’ll be here by then. It’s unfortunate when people lose their jobs, but in some cases it’s necessary – anybody who consistently and willfully provides negative productivity (not only are they not productive, they make others less productive) needs to go.
Church
I had a good meeting with with the Youth and Young Adult council this week. We’re getting ready for the new year. We talked a lot about the philosophy of how we lead/schedule the group and some possible changes. The one thing that was a common thread was consistency – that each weekly meeting follow the same pattern and that we choose simple and meaningful as opposed to trying to do a major production each week. This follows the trend in Youth Ministry nationally to move away from the “let’s bring in new converts” blockbuster events of the 80’s and 90’s and for most the over-30 crowd in the council represents a step back to what they experienced as a youth. We’re also talking about changing the names of the groups. Right now they are CHAOS (Christians Hanging Around On Sunday) for the Senior Highs and WILDLIFE (which is an acronym nobody can remember off the top of their heads) for the Junior Highs. The youth director wants to de-emphasize the chaotic aspects of the names and I agree. We’re going to see what the youth want early this fall.
The youth director also asked me if I wanted to help lead the Confirmation Class. This year is the first year doing the class for 9th grade youth (it had been 8th grade, and last year there was no class due to the switch). I’m honored to be asked, a little uncertain about my ability and the strength of my faith being sufficient, and probably nearly overbooked already. The Welcome and Outreach Task Force is about to get started, I’ll still be working with the Senior Highs weekly and attending the YAYA council once a month, and the confirmation class is every other week for 8 months plus 3 weekend retreats (one just overnight). I’ve asked the youth director to lay out time expectations, and perhaps I can be a guest speaker on topics that I know well (polity would be one, and I’m sure that there are a few others).
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The Lawrenceville church and a Princeton church (I think it’s Nassau Presbyterian) are putting together a new young adult event called Theology On Tap. It’s the 2nd Thursday of each month (starting September) in the Yankee Doodle Tap Room of the Nassau Inn in Princeton at 8pm. The idea is for 20’s/30’s somethings to get together and share a drink (alcohol optional), fellowship, and talk about theology. You can find more information HERE, or in the Theolodoodle group on Facebook. I barely qualify by age, but it’s intriguing enough to me that I’ll probably attend at least the first session.
The youth director also told me a freaky coincidence story. He was at Triennium 2 weeks ago, sitting with a woman minister friend of his. She was working on a sermon. On the table she had laid out a Bible, some books, a few printed e-mails, and one printed blog post. My director asked, “Can I look at that?” and picked up the blog post. You’ve probably guessed by now – it was one of mine (either from here or a comment elsewhere). He started laughing and when she asked why he explained: “This is one of my adult advisors.” Since Triennium was attended by youth from all over the world, he claims that I’m now internationally famous! Somehow I doubt that, but I’m glad that folks are finding worth in my ramblings.
Life
All is well, but we’re so busy with other people’s events (family, camp, church) that we’re neglecting work around the house. The outdoor trim needs to be painted, the garden needs weeding badly, and the driveway needs to be sealed. We need to decide whether or not to pay someone to do some of these things (we can afford to) or to stop our commitments and just get it done.
We also need to be sure that we get some downtime.
Annual Congregational Meeting
The Presbyterian Church of Lawrenceville held the Annual Congregational Meeting yesterday.
I won’t bother to comment on the many reports that were given. In general, the church is healthy.
The only slight negative in any report was that the Stewardship Campaign for last year didn’t reach it’s goals. Those goals were tough – a 10% increase in pledges and a 10% increase in total pledge amount. The committee achieved a 5% increase in total pledge amount with a decrease in pledges.
The Youth and Young Adult Ministry was by far the longest and most comprehensive report – covering 2.5 pages with 9 pt. type. I was mentioned as a youth leader several times – including being credited with being a “devoted” leader of the Jr. High group even though I attended only once.
The “Green Team” wasn’t mentioned except in passing as the sponsor of one adult education event.
The Stated Clerk’s Report rolled up the membership numbers for the year. We started the year with 867. There were 29 new members (13 by Profession/Reaffirmation of Faith, 14 by letter of transfer, and 2 restored to the roll). We lost 65 members – 6 by Letter of Transfer, 11 by Death, and 48 by Session Removals (making them inactive). If you take out the Inactives, we had a net gain of 12. We ended the year with 831. There were also 10 infant baptisms and one adult baptism.
The Sunday School and Youth programs total 256 youngsters.
Aside from one remark made by the pastor regarding inactive members (and which I’ve contacted him about via e-mail) there was nothing to be concerned about. All seems to be well.
But I’m concerned.
I believe that I am guilty of the sin of envy.
The Nominating Committee nominated 5 people to serve as elders, 8 people to serve as deacons, and one person to serve the remaining two years of a term as deacon. I was pleasantly surprised to see a youth nominated to fill that unexpired deacon term – Claire will do a great job and if I have her year in school correct she’ll be able to finish her term before going to college (which I unfortunately was unable to do so many years ago).
Three of the officers were members of the same New Members class as me. I was very surprised to see them nominated – I figured that nobody that new would even be considered (indeed – one of the pastoral associates said something to that effect to me). The man nominated to be an elder is actually a returning member (he moved away and then back). All three of them are devoted members and completely appropriate for the office.
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But a voice inside me asks “Why them and not me? Haven’t I worked hard enough?”
Another voice answers “Why does it matter? What do you want from the church?”
Yet another voice says “If you’re upset about this, you clearly aren’t worthy anyway.”
I do make a solid contribution to the youth ministry and feel appreciated there. I know that I made a good contribution to the Green Team and I have felt appreciation from some about that. I try to pitch in wherever I can.
I know that I make valued contributions at camp, and they are recognized. Camp feels like home – what I do there to help (while sometimes tiring) never feels like work.
Clearly the pastor sees a future contribution from me – it shows in his choice to ask me to lead the new task force. This is partially offset by the fact that it’s been over 2 months since I talked to him about the task force and it still isn’t populated yet. When last we spoke we had three members (out of a target of 8) and we had named another 8 members to ask. Our plan for meeting before the summer went out the window – we’ll now be lucky if we can start our task in September.
So what am I looking for anyway?
Clearly, any consideration of the church as a future full-time vocation has to go on the back burner.
I feel like I’m back at square one with my discernment process. Did I really join the church for the reasons that I thought I did? Am I being fed?
As I said last week, there is turbulence. Now it’s revealed to be inside my head.
In the mean time, I persevere. I’ll keep working on things as planned. I’ll still be at camp in about 2 weeks to help with check-in. I’ll still work on the task force when/if it gets going. I’ll still be working with the youth.
Random Bullets from my head
My life has been … not so much turbulent as full of changes at my periphery and disquiet in my mind. Here are some random thoughts:
- Today is the last day at my company of the woman who sits across the aisle from me. She started with the company about 3 months before I did back in 1993. For the last almost-year we’ve sat across from each other and been very happy (we both like quiet, we enjoy each other’s company). I’m really gonna miss seeing a beautiful, intelligent, and friendly face every day.
- Also at work: the CIO has realized that morale within the IT group is not particularly good. We’ve had four voluntary departures in the last month (out of a group that was about 45 people). He’s holding lunch meetings with a smattering of people in each (everybody goes to one of them) to talk about issues. I took the initiative to meet with him this past Monday. I scheduled the meeting for an hour and his questions drew my list of issues out to an hour and 45 minutes. It was a good session and minor happenings since show that he listened to what I said. The problem is that many of my issues are outside of his direct control – they are company-wide.
- Between what is happening with my church work (on an upswing) and what is going on at work (on a downswing), I’m wondering if I’m in the right career. That’s right – not just right job but right career. Any assistance for someone undergoing a mid-life career discernment questioning period would be appreciated – leave a comment or use the e-mail link at left.
- This weekend I should be going flying for the first time since the end of March. My blood pressure broke free of control back then – my doctor changed my dosage and I’m now stable again. Actually I’ve been stable since early May, but I’ve been too busy to fly.
- Also this weekend I’m a bachelor. Carolyn is headed up north to go to a garden show with her parents. She’ll stay overnight Saturday and come home on Sunday. My bachelor amusements will include lawn-cutting, bill-paying, and laundry.
- Sunday at church we have the Annual Congregational Meeting. This includes the usual reports and election of officers. I’m not on the program (either giving a report or being elected), so I will probably attend. If it’s too hot (and it’s looking that way) I might just grab a copy of the annual report and check out if they have a quorum. You see, our church isn’t air conditioned ….
- I’m waiting for Verizon to finish installing FIOS in the neighborhood. They ran the underground conduits 2 weeks ago. So far the box in the ground had nothing in it but mud (or high water when it rains – I don’t know if they’ll actually be able to use the box). I’m looking forward to getting FIOS Internet service and dumping Cablevision completely. I might get FIOS TV as well (it’s available in my town) but I’ll have to see how it stacks up against DirecTV. I’d like to keep my HD Tivo, but DirecTV is switching technology for HD programming and a Tivo will not be an option soon. I can do a Tivo Series 3 with FIOS, but I lose video on demand and pay per view. Decisions, decisions.
- The cats are fine, but increasingly geriatric at age 11. Sometimes they still run around like maniacs but those episodes are few and far between.
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Have a good weekend!
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