Introverts and Youth Ministry
Grier Booker-Richards – a friend, seminarian about to graduate (hire her now, ask me how!), and experienced youth ministry veteran – has given me another blog challenge. “Write something about introverts and youth ministry”.
Now, I’m no expert on youth ministry. At best I’m a somewhat gifted amateur. So I will write about what I can clearly write about – my experiences and what that leads me to think.
Background: I’m just over the border to the 40’s, I test clearly as an INFP (strong I, strong N), and I’ve been a camp counselor and more recently a volunteer youth advisor to a Sr. High youth group at my church. My return to church after a long absence also marked my first journey into youth ministry as an adult. That was about 2 years ago. (Wow. Only 2 years?)
I’ll divide the rest into 2 areas: Introverts entering youth ministry, and Introvert style in youth ministry
Introverts Entering Youth Ministry
I’ll admit it – I was very nervous when I started doing youth ministry again. The last time I had done it was when I was a youth. I remembered it fondly, and most importantly I was invited in. Alicia, who I knew from camp, invited me to try out the youth group for a week or two. She told me when to arrive and how to prepare. She was there the first evening.
I was feeling a bit worried because my youth relational skills were VERY rusty. Carolyn and I don’t have children, and I had very little interaction with anybody under age 25 for almost 20 years. I didn’t know if I would have anything in common with the youth. I was feeling all of the same fears that any new member of a youth group would feel.
I overcame that, and discovered (mostly in the 2nd week, when we broke out into groups) that the youth were fantastic people. No, I mean REALLY impressive – better than I remember being at their age.
The key for me was that I had someone who invited me in. Without Alicia I’m not sure that I would have taken the step. It’s really funny to think that after my experiences. Today, as I go through my career transition, I’m told repeatedly that if possible my new career should include working with youth. There are people saying that they believe that I have a gift for this. And I never would have found that out without Alicia pulling me in.
If you are an introvert (or just “shy”) and are considering youth ministry, try it. Do it on your terms – make sure that you aren’t making a permanent or long-term commitment and just try it out for a week or two. You’ll find out very quickly that you love it or hate it or can do it but it doesn’t excite you. See where God is calling you. Peek out of your shell.
It’s also important to remember a few things to be more comfortable. First, you are an adult. You are the authority in the room (maybe not the top dog, but certainly above the youth). You have a life outside of the group. You can walk away if you feel that you need to. Second – you aren’t alone. Something like 20% of the youth AND adults in the room will be introverts, too. Other youth workers are trained (to some degree) in working with people of different types and they’ll be able to “read” you too and help you find your place. Third – everybody (God included) wants the best possible experience for you and the youth. They’ve got your back. Fourth – be yourself. If you are considering doing this it’s likely that being yourself is good enough (or better). Youth need different kinds of adults in their lives. By being yourself you provide them the strong example of authenticity when interacting with others.
In short – entering any new situation is hard. This one can be easier than most.
Introvert Style in Youth Ministry
One of the great “truths” about ministry is that its easier for those who are outgoing or extroverted. There’s some truth to that – ministry requires you to meet many new people and understand their needs and to give your message to the world. It’s real, but not absolute.
Youth ministry is one place where being an introvert is a double-edged sword. On the one hand the youth minister is expected to lead a group of people in need of direction and guidance. You can’t live completely in your shell to do that. But on the other hand, youth ministers are expected to be able to take a deep dive into the lives of their youth – particularly those who need more guidance or help or a shoulder to cry on than the average. This is where introverts excel.
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Youth today need breadth and depth. Breadth is something that the extrovert large group leader is good at – energizing, motivating, teaching and entertaining a crowd. The extrovert leader is able to communicate with the mass of youth and mold them roughly into better disciples, while gaining energy.
Where the introvert excels is depth. Introverts are very comfortable delving into the deep corners of the soul, and often make very good listeners. Introverts who trust others can build relationships that are long-term, deep, and very meaningful to both parties. The introvert in youth ministry is less a sunny day or a thunderstorm than a rock or a tree – a solid (but not unchanging) structure that a youth can choose to linger near or cling to.
Please note first that these are gross generalizations and not true in all cases. Sara Ferguson, one of my fellow youth advisors, is an extrovert with a capital E, and a capital X, and a capital T … you get the idea. Yet she has formed the deepest relationships with our youth and is a strong and deep presence in their lives. I’m getting better at working the group instead of working with individuals myself. It’s an experience thing.
Also please note that breadth and depth are not the same things as quantity and quality. Breadth and depth in youth ministry work are different kinds of quality. Quantity does influence style – the extrovert is somewhat better with large groups and the introvert may be better with an individual. But quality is in my opinion more important than quantity. Breadth and depth are both different and non-contradictory measures of quality.
I also firmly believe that anybody can love anybody else (that’s what we’re doing – loving the youth). Some relationships are natural and a few are almost automatic. There’s no truth to the idea that introverted leaders work best with introverted youth, or the opposite. It’s just a matter of style.
I do have a few tips for introverts in youth ministry, particularly those new to it:
Sitting on the Couch – Grier (remember Grier – she asked for this) taught me in an e-mail message that I received on the way to my first Montreat Youth Conference a ministry style that works well for me. It’s called “Ministry by sitting on the couch”. The idea is to simply be there, be available, and the youth will come to you. At Montreat that took the form of sitting on the couch at First House (often recovering strength) and being open to speaking with the youth. At my church youth group it means being loose and approachable – being there for someone to talk to. If a youth wants to speak with you, they will find you. This really works! I had a few youth approach me at Montreat and we had some really deep conversations. The same happens back at home – particularly with the youth who arrive early for events. A few other thoughts on this – boundaries are important. Don’t get hounded into giving up all of your free time. When you are there for them, you have to give them your FULL attention. Introverts are generally good at this unless socially exhausted. Also, a little bit of followup privately (as opposed to in the middle of the room in a crowd) is important.
You Won’t Connect With All of Them – One thing that I find periodically frustrating is an inability to connect with all of my youth. I truly love each of them in a way unique to the individual. Realize this – you couldn’t possibly connect with each youth even if you wanted to, unless your group is VERY small. And there’s no reason to expect to either. This is why having multiple volunteers is important – different people click with different youth. Don’t be upset if you fail to make a strong connection with any given youth – it’s more important that the youth connect with SOME adult. Just be there for the youth that you do connect with.
One related issue common to INFP’s is the typical inability to accept yourself. INFP’s are never satisfied with themselves – there is always a way to improve. For me this means that the way that other people see me is a blind spot – I have trouble seeing myself as others see me. Seek a safe person to check your assumptions with – they may see your interactions with others differently (and more accurately) than you do.
Help the introverted youth – You know what it’s like to be new in a group, and what it’s like to be an introvert in a crowd. Be on the lookout for youth going through the same things. Sit next to the new kid and just be there. You don’t have to make endless small talk. Just be there. And if a youth reaches the “people overload” point and has to leave the room for a while, be the person who follows them for safety reasons. Find a reason to go in the same direction (cleaning up dishes often works) and just bump into them in the hall. Give them the space that they need without needing to round them up to rejoin the group. You’ll need to bring them back at some point, but you’ll have some idea of when their batteries are recharged enough. This requires some trust of both the leaders and the youth, but you’ll reach the “it’s OK – Mark is handling it” point pretty quickly.
You are not just an introvert – Everybody is different. Everybody has different talents. You will form relationships with all types of youth – both the introverted and the extroverted. That’s a good thing. You may have to extend yourself a little more than you’re used to, but it’s totally worth it. You have something to give to the group that is unique, and you need to share it with all. For me, it’s a love of sci-fi and anime, drumming, and flying. For you it is probably something else. Share yourself with all.
To sum up – introverts are a bit of a special case in youth ministry, but it is not a negative. Introverts bring unique skills and viewpoint to any group, and can balance things. Introverts can minister to other introverts, but are most effective when providing a quiet but strong presence to all.
Busy Week
This is gonna be a very busy week. I’m going to be out and about in several communities with lots of activities. Perhaps I’ll meet you at one of them.
Yesterday the ball started rolling with the God Complex radio show at noon EDT. That went very well. Later in the evening I had the Board of Deacons meeting at church which also went very well and very fast.
This morning I’m going to have to mow the lawn due to the impending days of rain (again).
This afternoon I’m going to the Presbytery of New Brunswick meeting, and assisting in the pre-presbytery event on “Working with Facebook”. Before the meeting I have a networking meeting with someone in New Brunswick.
Tomorrow is relatively quiet. A networking meeting in the morning, and the DVRA ham radio club meeting in the evening. I may go get my driver’s license renewed during the day – it’s time again.
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Thursday afternoon begins the Princeton Seminary Institute for Youth Ministry Conference on Emerging Adulthood. That runs Thursday afternoon and evening, all day Friday, and Saturday morning. Friday evening, I’ll miss dinner and the recreation to attend a fundraising dinner “Southern Hospitality on the Lawn” related to my church.
Saturday morning I’ll miss rehearsal for Deacon Sunday. Saturday evening my church youth group is holding a Cabaret and Silent Auction fundraiser for the summer trips.
Sunday morning is Deacon Sunday (I’m doing the Call to Worship), grocery delivery for Crisis Ministry in Trenton and the end of year party for our customers, and the Worship in a New Key service.
Monday I may get to see Carolyn again. This is really a nutty week.
40 Prayers of Hope and Gratitude, for Bruce
Tomorrow is the birthday of Bruce Reyes-Chow, a friend and currently the moderator of the PC(USA). On his blog, he asks for some very charitable birthday “gifts” to him. One of them is “a list of prayers for 40 things for which you are grateful, gives you hope or are in need of God’s healing“. (Besides – he needs a little love. The first comment on the post attacked him for a position of faith and politics – on a post related to his birthday!)
I can do that.
- For my wife, who I am VERY grateful for.
- For my family (parents and siblings) and the relationship that we have that didn’t look too likely for a while.
- For Barbara, Jill and Kathy – former co-workers who are being very supportive during my career transition.
- For the youth group at my church. I am both grateful for them, and they give me hope. Some of them need your prayers for healing.
- For the horde of Twitterati who follow my every tweeted move, give me music when I need it, give me information when I need it, and entertain me.
- For Rich, Jeremiah, Jill, Gooitzen, Elsa, Aaron and others from my church family who are being very supportive during my career transition.
- For the many recent and near-future seminary graduates that I interact with, who are both a source of hope and in need of prayers to find their destinations.
- For S (who will remain otherwise nameless here but I’m sure is reading this), for being/assisting my sense of call and helping me to explain my Montreat experience. You know who you are.
- For the children in my neighborhood, who remind me of the relative importance of parts of life.
- For healing for those on all sides who have been hurt by the whole Amendment B business.
- For my cats. Gratitude for them being there for me and entertaining me. Hope that they radiate (particularly when it’s snack time). Healing for both as they age and begin to suffer the effects.
- Hope from the members of my church’s confirmation class, who were able to teach parts of the lesson that I was teaching.
- Healing for two youth workers waiting for transplants.
- Gratitude for those who have let me put my skills to work for them while I’m seeking a job.
- Gratitude for my sister whose birthday is today (sharing it with Bruce’s “Middle” child).
- Healing for everybody else hurt by the economy.
- Healing for everybody else hurt by greed.
- Hope and healing for those with obstacles between them and what God is calling them to.
- Healing for those affected by swine flu Hamthrax H1N1 and gratitude that it is turning out to be mild for most.
- Healing for those suffering from mental illness.
- Healing for Mom, who had two teeth pulled yesterday.
- Hope for/about Sara, who is taking the first steps in a new direction.
- Gratitude for and hope from Rich who is letting me find my place in the youth ministry.
- Gratitude for Lorelei. Everybody needs a Lorelei, some of them the same one.
- Gratitude for two places on the entire planet (outside of my relationship with Carolyn) where I have been able to be myself 100%: Camp Johnsonburg and Montreat.
- Healing for the people whose prayer cards come to me each week after worship. Hope that my prayers are helping.
- Healing for the people of Sudan, of Somalia, and other places where oppression and violence reign.
- Gratitude for Tim, Jessica, Jessica, Nancy, Carolyn, Andrea, and a few others who have been there during my darkest hours (whether they realize it or not).
- Gratitude for the Project Open Door task force – it was great working with all of you, and I look forward to the next steps.
- Healing for all of those who feel that fighting about minutia is more important than loving one another.
- Hope and healing for all who feel that being somewhere else is what they have to do.
- Gratitude and hope for all of those who I’ve networked with during my career transition.
- Gratitude for the opportunity to play the drums again for a purpose.
- Hope (healing? help?) for the God Complex radio staff and talent that we’ll be ready by Monday.
- Healing for those that I have hurt and have not reconciled with (and for me to do so someday).
- Gratitude for polity – specifically that of the PC(USA).
- Gratitude for that unexplained good mood that strikes sometimes.
- Hope? Healing? for my personal discernment in this season of change.
- Healing for all of my issues that I’ve chosen not to mention here.
- Gratitude, hope for/from, and healing if he needs it for Bruce.
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Happy Birthday, Bruce! Welcome to the over the hill gang.
Staying Busy
Filed under: Church New Member Process, Ham Radio, Job Search, Life, Religion, Work, Young Adult, Youth
Recently I have been thinking about what I do with my “non-work” time. With my career transition, I’m able to use time for “non-work” activities during the day, hopefully to the benefit of others. Someday I hope that I can combine my vocation and avocations.
This led me to thinking about listing all of the various things that I do. Some people put them on their resumes, but mine is already too long and I’m not sure what it would add. So I’ll list my “sideline” things here for your interest/amusement. I know that once I find a job I may have to cut back on some of these (indeed – several of them have been started since my career transition started with the caveat that I may have to stop at some point).
Work-related
Recently I’ve been providing computer services to others as a sideline. Mostly this consists of PC maintenance, including some hardware work, installing software updates, and a lot of fixes to things like “my computer does X when I do Y – can you fix that?”. This is done for various forms of renumeration including lunch and good will.
I’m also going to be helping another church do some brainstorming of what they want on their church’s website. And yet another church has asked for help with their website, but I don’t know the specifics yet.
Local Church
I have a lot of roles at church:
- Deacon – currently serving on the Board of Deacons, assigned to the Prayer Team and enjoying serving Communion on occasion. I’m also the designated “e-mail reminder” person who sends a note to the people assigned to jobs each Sunday.
- Open Door – recently completed a stint as co-chair of a task force studying issues of hospitality to visitors and the community. I’m likely to serve as a member of the new Session committee being created to continue this work.
- Webmaster – of the church website and the weekly e-mail that goes to almost 400 people. This role also has me serving as the social networking expert surrounding our presence on Facebook and such.
- Youth Advisor and member of Youth and Young Adult Council – nothing that I do at church brings me more joy than my work with the Senior High youth group. I’ve also been involved in supporting the youth director with strategic planning for the youth council lately.
- Percussion – most members of the church have been surprised to learn that I was classically trained as a percussionist in high school. I’ve been using those skills on snare and cymbal, djembe, congas, and other instruments in both the alternative and regular service. Apparently I’m not as rusty as I think that I am.
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Greater Church
- The God Complex – serving as Webmaster for the new weekly Internet radio show that is hosted by Bruce Reyes-Chow and Carol Howard Merritt. This involves blogs, web hosting, e-mail and other stuff that I don’t even know about yet.
- I will be assisting my local Youth Director with the Small Group manual for the next Youth Triennium. Not in a major way – just reading and editing. I hope to turn that into a trip next summer, but that would require some creative planning (anybody need someone to man a booth or serve as a chaperone?).
- This blog seems to provide value to some. I’m also on Twitter and most of my friends there are church-related
Other Stuff
- I’m a member of the Delaware Valley Ham Radio club. I’m a general-class ham – KC2SMS.
- I’m one of the keyholders for the ham radio emergency equipment for the local Red Cross office. The Princeton Red Cross chapter is the “center” for ham radio for the state’s Red Cross groups, mainly because we are centrally located. Monday night will be the monthly equipment test for the Red Cross and the NJ State RACES/ARES folks.
So, I’m keeping busy. If I were being paid for all of that at a reasonable salary I’d have a full-time job. As it is, it’s more like 1/2 to 2/3 of my days and some of my non-work hours. I like to help people, and I usually don’t care whether I get paid or not (though getting paid is important for other reasons). My hope is that someday I can use these skills for a paying position with some meaning to the world.
2008: My personal year in review
Filed under: Admin, Job Search, Life, Religion, Work, Young Adult, Youth
Good riddance.
It’s not that the year was all bad. Some of it was really very good. It’s just that the bad outweighed the good. Most of this was due to one very bad thing.
Work
This was a particularly bad year. I’m not going to go into details, but you should assume that life at my former employer wasn’t particularly fun before August. In August, I was laid off from a job that I’d held for 13 1/2 of the last 15 years. It only helps slightly that this employer ultimately filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy in November.
And if that wasn’t enough – the economy tanked at the same time. The cause of the company’s failure wasn’t solely the economy, but it was a big part of it. Jobs just plain dried up from September through early December. There are signs that things are easing now.
If it weren’t for positive things and positive people in the rest of my life, I don’t know how I would have handled this.
Church
The good:
I LOVE my youth group. The young men and women that I work with more or less every week are all wonderful, and I learned a lot about myself, them, life and God over the last year. Sunday afternoon/evening is the high point of my week.
The summer trip to the Montreat Youth Conference was one of the top 10 experiences of my life. I truly feel that God spoke to me that week in some fashion. I know that my faith deepened, and that the same happened to most if not all of the group from our church that went on the trip. I also feel that I grew outside of the religious aspects. (Of course, this high leaves me wondering where God is in my life now, when things are not so good.) The biggest thing that I learned this year – while I care a lot about our youth, they care about me too.
Putting together the Moderator Meet and Greet event in April was a lot of fun as well as being a lot of work. I met a lot of new and wonderful people. The event was well attended, and I hear that it helped commissioners make a decision at General Assembly.
Meeting in person and working online with other church leaders has been mostly positive. I’m amazed at how strong the online Presbyterian-and-beyond religious community is. I’ve felt support when I needed it and given and watched it flow the other way when others needed it.
Serving as a deacon has been rewarding. This is work that I know that I can do and do well, and that is relatively easy, and that aids the church. That’s sort of the point, isn’t it? I just have to be careful not to schedule myself too heavily (like the Sunday that I had coffee service AND served communion AND agreed to set up tables for a later event).
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Serving as the new webmaster for the church’s website and weekly e-mailed newsletter has been a growth experience for me. It has forced me to learn new technical skills and also to generate a little content independently.
The bad:
The worst has to have been the controversy over my blog in March/April/May/June of this year. I don’t know if people realize it, but the church was about 12 hours from losing me in April – the only things keeping me were the facts that Youth Sunday and the Moderator Meet and Greet were imminent responsibilities of mine. This event only took 2nd to the loss of my job in how poorly I felt while in the middle of it.
I am also continually dismayed by the negative tones in some conversations/fights/battle-royales in the church community over the hot button issues of today. Those of us within the church fight harder and with less love than we do with our colleagues in other denominations or religions, even though the points of disagreement are far smaller and unimportant.
Home
Home life continues to be solid. Carolyn and I have ridden out the very rough patches of the 2nd half of the year with no negative effect on our relationship. Most of this is due to Carolyn’s very conservative nature when it comes to money, and the strong planning ability that both of us have. She continues to be supportive at a very difficult time in my life and it has brought us if anything closer together.
The cats are still fine. They turn 13 tomorrow. Isaac is still suffering from a bit of arthritis in his hips, but the daily Cosequin is helping. Both of them still have a fair amount of kitten left and still go running around like crazy animals occasionally. Albert has had no recurrence of his kidney issues.
The house is fine. We have had to put off a bit of home repair work (mainly fixing the fireplace chimney that failed a while back) for economic reasons. Nothing important is wrong, and we continue to love living here. It’s a great neighborhood – not too noisy, not too quiet, and plenty of kids running around.
My car has had a rough year. I was rear-ended in July and minor damage was done to my rear bumper. It was fixed pretty quickly, but it took about 4-5 months before the insurance companies paid my deductible. Here’s a tip – no matter how late you are, don’t pass on the right on a one-lane on-ramp.
Health
No major changes. On the Montreat trip I lost a number of pounds due to the stairmaster-like qualities of the village of Montreat (to get anywhere you have to walk down a big hill and up a big hill). The emotional strain of being out of work took off some more. I’ve managed to end the year a net 10 pounds down. Otherwise, my health remains the same.
I’m hoping that 2009 will be a combination of the continuance of good things, and an end to the bad things that are happening now. I see new hope in the elections of both our PC(USA) Moderator and the new President of the USA. It remains to be seen if that hope turns into a better reality for the country, church, and me.
Happy New Year!
Montreat Youth Conference, part 2
The Montreat trip was absolutely wonderful. Amazing. Transformational. Fun. There are so many reasons.
We started out by driving 9 hours to Greensboro. Our youth director used to be the youth director at First Presbyterian Church of Greensboro, NC. We stayed overnight in their youth room (VERY NICE, and with lots of comfy couches and other things to sleep on). In the evening Saturday we were treated to dinner by our youth director’s in-laws at their beautiful home (not to mention entertained by the dog).
In the morning, we were treated to a tour of this VERY large church (new members have a class on how not to get lost) and breakfast. We then attended worship. I found lots of useful information on how they work with visitors that will be useful for my committee.
Then we went to lunch at Fincastle’s Diner and headed for Montreat.
In Montreat we stayed at First House, a private home owned by the Greensboro church that is rented out to groups staying in Montreat. It was a nice house and suited our needs very well.
Sunday evening, the program began with a welcome session at Anderson Auditorium and Recreation outside.
The program continued with keynote in the morning, small group once or twice, and worship in the evening. Friday night’s worship was capped by people with candles all the way around Lake Susan two deep – it was so pretty.
Then we drove home 12 hours. Ooof.
The youth from my church could not possibly have been a better group, or worked together better. They were ready to go on time every time (sometimes earlier). They voluntarily pitched in and helped with chores, often before being asked. They supported each other emotionally and clued in the adults later – leaving the adults free to handle the big stuff (or their own stuff). Everybody got along well aside from the minor frictions caused by 14 people spending a lot of time together. I could not ask for a better group. These 10 youth are now permanently on my list of favorite people.
I feel the same way about my small group. There were 26 participants (3 adults and 23 youth) plus our small group leader. I liked everybody in the group. Think about that. 26 other people, and not one of them was even the slightest bit bothersome or annoying. This is amazing. The conversations were deep and meaningful, the games were hysterical and fun (I “won” Big Booty), and I was truly impressed by what other people said. I hope that I have made one or two or a few friends for life from that group. I know that I truly love and care for all 26. Our small group leader was a newbie – having just turned 21 (we couldn’t believe that – he is mature beyond his years) – and he hit the ball out of the park.
Some vignettes:
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- It was HOT most of the week. The week redefined the concept of sweat for me. However, I didn’t really mind. It was cool enough in the evening to sleep and the small group room was air conditioned.
- The keynote team did a great job. We’ll probably use at least one part for our confirmation class. The concepts that they discussed were well reflected in small group and worship.
- The worship was especially meaningful for me (particularly Monday and Friday). Michelle Thomas-Bush did a good job.
- Music was fun, and included some songs that I really enjoyed. One in particular was very meaningful for me. Jorge Gonzales was the music leader, and was joined for a lot of the week by Wallness from Haiti (who knew our youth director from when Wallness was a youth in Haiti).
- Recreation was well done. I didn’t get involved in most of the “optional” recreational activities though I did enjoy watching them. The first night recreation was where I met one of those “friends for life” that I mentioned above.
- The site is gorgeous. Hilly to be sure (I seem to have lost 5 pounds, and moved some of my remaining weight away from my waist), but beautiful.
- Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream and Raspberry Sorbet make a great combination. The boundary layer is to die for.
- When we went to Asheville NC on our free afternoon, I bought the first pair of sandals that I’ve ever owned in my adult life. I am now fully qualified for youth ministry. (There is no need to tell me not to wear socks with them – others have done that already.)
- I went swimming. Unfortunately, I was rock-hopping at the time. I went into the water and completely soaked myself. I also completely soaked my backpack. The electronics all survived, but I need a new Bible and a replacement for the hardcover book that was in the backpack. I also had some nasty scrapes. My youth were perfect in that they refused to let me walk back to the house alone – they insisted on accompanying me and carrying my backpack.
- My co-workers actually said I seemed relaxed when I got back to work yesterday. No, really!
- You can’t imagine how fun it is to do energizers with a bunch of youth every day. Adult silliness should be mandatory.
- One of the adults in my church group has the uncanny ability to sing harmony with any piece, even if she hasn’t heard it before. It was beautiful.
- I had lots of deep one-on-one conversations with my youth. This started the first night and I think it’s continuing now. They impress me with how seriously they take their lives and how thoughtful they are of others. There is unexpected depth here.
- Every group needs at least one unabashedly sunny morning person.
- See this post for the most strange and wonderful part of the week for me.
- The Jesus in Me loves the Jesus in You. ‘Nuff said.
I’ve already written in another post about my personal transformation. I’d like to add to that some confidence in doing youth ministry. I’m now wondering how to make my job better aligned with my faith and personal ideas about life. Or find one that is. I don’t feel a call to ministry (though several others talked about this after this week). I just feel like I’m not where I should be.
If you are a youth, or you work with youth, you should really consider going to a Montreat Youth Conference. Groups can be as small as 2 or 3, or very large (I’ve heard of the neighborhood of 50). Yes, it’s a little scary going to a new place and doing “Jesus stuff” for a week, but it’s really worth it. My nervousness was wholly unnecessary.
I’d like to thank Rich, Mary Alice, Sara, Gingles, Michelle, Jorge, Wallness, Bill, Aimee, David, and so many others who made my week probably one of the top 10 experiences in my life.
Montreat Youth Conference, part 1
Last week I went to the Montreat Youth Conference as an adult advisor for my church’s youth group. During the trip, I had an experience that was … well … let me just describe it.
First, a little background. I’ve written before about my experiences with the church and my departure from the church almost 20 years ago. If you don’t want to read that, here’s a summary: very involved as a youth (deacon, Synod YAD, church camp), in college a few things happened and I left the church completely. I began searching for a congregation related to my return to church just about 3 years ago this month, and joined my current congregation later that fall. I’m currently serving as a youth advisor for the Sr. High youth group, co-chairing a committee, and I’m about to start serving as a deacon again.
During Monday night’s worship at Montreat, the song “Here I Am, Lord” was sung. This song was very popular at Camp Johnsonburg when I was working there, and I was happy to sing it again.
Around about the 2nd verse, I started getting very emotional and tearing up. Around about the 3rd verse, I started to get a picture in my head – one that I can’t claim came from me.
The picture showed something of a timeline. Over on the left side, there was a dark black line that represented my religious involvement of the past – from about age 13 to age 19. On the right side, there was another shorter dark black line that represented my religious involvement of the past few years. There was a big blank space in between. As we sang, I saw the picture of a jumper wire (almost like a car’s jumper cable, but more like something used in electronics work) connecting the two lines. I have been considering my religious life of the past to be different from the present. I believe that the message here is that they are part of a single whole and remain connected.
So I was standing there, singing, tears in my eyes, and a picture in my head that I didn’t put there.
In my mind, this was a full-on Religious Experience. Maybe even a Vision. I mean … if there had been a shaft of sunlight and Baptist dancers flying through the air I’d be a Blues Brother now. It was a really weird experience.
I’ve been skeptical of those who claim to have visions or have other divinely-inspired events in their lives. Not anymore. I think I get it now. A later discussion with a family member produced that person’s story of a similar experience.
At the time that this happened, I had no idea what it meant. I’m still not sure that I do.
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The first thing that I did was ask my youth director to join me at The Huck for some ice cream so that I could talk about this (and another youth joined us for “Introvert Time”). On the way we met Jorge Gonzales who was doing music for the week and I got a chance to thank him.
Later in the week I might have gotten some idea of the meaning behind this.
All youth and adults participating in small groups were assigned to a Small Group of about 30 people. Those groups were broken down into smaller “Threshold” groups of about 6. I got an opportunity to talk about this experience with my Threshold Group, but due to time constraints I barely got through the story before we had to move onto something else.
The theme for the week was “Throw Open the Doors”. There were door metaphors tossed around during all activities. On Friday (the last day of the conference), our Small Group leader asked “what doors have opened for you this week?” I had a few ideas in my head, and the one that I chose was: Don’t let the experiences of the past (meaning negative ones) color your view of your experiences of the present. When I said that the Small Group said things like, “Dude. That’s not just a door – that’s like a big gate or something.”
Later that evening we had the closing worship. The preacher was Michelle Thomas-Bush (who I met through this blog). She told a story about her 20th high school reunion. At the reunion she met a man who had been in school with her. He explained that he couldn’t remember anything about his high school experience at all. He was being abused by his parents at the time, and all of his memories of that period are one big black mess. He came to the reunion in order to rediscover his high school memories. He was the life of the party, talked to everybody, and learned a few things. At the end of the evening he talked to Michelle again. She asked him if he’d learned anything. He reported a few memories of good times and stupid high school tricks, but his main message was that this night was his New High School Memory.
Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so too.
I’m still working on how to apply these revelations to my life, though the implications for my church life are pretty obvious. Back in December, I wrote this about how those once hurt by the church may keep looking over their shoulder for trouble to come again. I think that part of the message is clear – stop looking over your shoulder. We’ll see. Being a Christian is hard.
As for the rest, that is not quite apparent yet. More in the next post on the conference.
OH. Hmmm.
This weekend, I’m off with 3 other adults, 2 college students, and something like 8 or so high school youth to the Montreat Youth Conference (week VI) at the Montreat Conference Center in (you guessed it) Montreat, NC.
I’ve been a little nervous about this trip. So much so that I think I’m annoying our youth director with questions, which he is patiently answering. I don’t have any good reason to be nervous. I trust the youth director and the other adults going on the trip. The college students and youth going on the trip are great and I expect fewer than average problems with them or their behavior (as compared to what I read on Youth Ministry websites). I’ve heard nothing but good things about the place and the conference from a large number of people.
I’ve been telling myself that the reason that I’m nervous is that the last time I went to a church youth conference was the Youth Triennium in 1986 – when I WAS a youth. That I was just worried about whether the 40-year-old air-conditioning-loving, out-of-shape, used-to-sleeping-in-his-own-room me could keep up.
While shaving this morning it hit me.
Triennium wasn’t the last time I went to a church youth conference.
Several months after Triennium, I went to a weekend retreat sponsored by some of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship’s NJ chapters. Here’s what I wrote about that previously:
Back in 1986, I was a freshman at Rutgers University. On the first day, I was wandering around campus looking at the booths that various student organizations had set up. One of them near the Busch Student Center was for the InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. They were giving away ice cream. I figured that as a rather religious person (at this point I was already a deacon and serving on two Synod committees) I should take a look and find a campus christian fellowship. The local Campus Crusade for Christ seemed too fundamentalist for me, so I tried out InterVarsity.
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In October I took a retreat with them for a weekend in the woods. It turned out to be a very cult-like situation for me. The 48-hour retreat turned out to be (as experienced by me) 24 hours of telling me
how terrible my beliefs are, and then once I stopped fighting them, 24 hours of pouring in their own beliefs. As expected, those beliefs were strongly conservative.Fortunately, my personality turned out to be strong enough to resist such tactics. I made the right noises and they stopped treating me as the “resisting” attendee and moved on to other people. Once I returned to campus, I never went back to their group again. And as I wrote before, this was the first step in my turn away from the church
This hit me like a ton of bricks today. My last experience traveling away with youth to a place foreign to me was a negative one. While I’ve done some overnights with the youth in the past year, those were either at the church or at Camp Johnsonburg where I felt very comfortable and always knew that I had the ability to leave (since it was at home or I was driving my vehicle). I wasn’t miles away from home without control over my movements.
Having realized what has been going on in my head, I feel much more comfortable now. I’m shifting rapidly from nervous to excited. This is going to be fun!
It’s amazing how things from your past can influence the way you perceive the present. Not a new lesson for me (by a long shot), but a newly reinforced lesson.
If you or anybody you know will be at Montreat for 7/27-8/1, leave a comment or send an e-mail. I’d love to say Hi.
What’s going on
My blog has been quiet, and light on what’s going on in my life. Most of that is due to the Sword of Damocles question about what I should write here. (By the way, more input is desired in the Bible Study on blogging.)
Here’s a short roundup of what’s been happening and what is going to be happening.
- Car Accident – This happened back on June 20. As I said before – minor damage and no injuries. My car has been repaired. I’m apparently at the beginning of the subrogation process – my insurance company has decided that I’m not at fault and has submitted a claim to the other driver’s company. The other driver got a ticket for Careless Driving, so it should be an easy decision in my favor.
- DirecTV – I have two DirecTV DVRs. One of them developed hard drive problems and was randomly rebooting. That has since been replaced for what amounts to Free. It was just a pain, but much less of a pain than expected.
- Deacon – I perform my first deacon duty this weekend. I’ll be putting juice and iced tea on the table in Fellowship Hall after the service. As one other blogger said, “They also serve who stir and pour.” I’ll be greeting in August, and Officer Training and Installation will be in September.
- Camp Johnsonburg – I’ve assisted twice with Sunday check-in. Once I was a medical check person for the “no medication” line, and the other time I managed the medical form paperwork process (an all-paper process that is a bit labor-intensive for 200+ campers). I was pleasantly surprised to run into one of my youth group members checking into the camp’s Leadership Training Program (a 3-week program that is essentially Counselor training). I’ll be back again in August for one more Sunday.
- Youth Group – I drove the youth mission trip to and from Philadelphia where they stayed at and worked with Broad Street Ministries. By all reports a good time was had by all and several report transformational experiences. I’ll be going with the youth group trip to Montreat for the Youth Conference (week VI) starting next weekend. I’m a smidge nervous about that – the last time I did a week road trip with a bunch of youth was my trip to the Presbyterian Youth Triennium in 1986, when I was a youth. I’m hoping that a mostly out of shape 40-year-old can keep up.
- Birthday – it was quiet, which is the desired result. I didn’t ask for much, and the presents that I received were thoughtful. I got a lot of cards with old people on them for some reason …
- Ham Radio – I participated in the national Field Day at the end of June. I was only able to help set up in the morning and operate for a few hours in the afternoon. This event is when amateur radio clubs and individuals all over the country set up their equipment in the field (we were at Mercer County Park) and demonstrate their ability to operate in an emergency.
- Home, Wife, Cats – all about as good as usual.
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Blogging will be non-existent between July 25 and August 3 or so due to the youth trip. It may be light until then, unless I think of something compelling to say.
Youth Summer Trip Car Wash
Yesterday we held our “Free, Sponsored Car Wash” to raise money for the two summer trips.
This summer, one trip will be a mission trip to Philadelphia to work with Broad Street Ministry. The youth and adults will stay at their building for 5 days and will do various ministry work. The other trip is to the Montreat Conference Center Summer Youth Conference, week VI. For that trip the group leaves on Saturday, drives to Greensboro, NC and stays overnight at a church. The next day we arrive at Montreat and do the conference through the following Saturday morning, when we take the 12-hour drive home.
This car wash raises money to augment the participant fees for the trips, and also allows us to cap the total cost for families with one or more youth taking one or both trips – otherwise the fees would add up fast.
This car wash is a Sponsored, Free Car Wash. Each youth and adult going on one of the trips is expected to gain sponsors for their participation. The sponsors pledge either a flat amount or a small amount per car washed. For example, I got cash donations of $71 plus a pledge from one person of 0.25 per car for another $11. We hoped to get about $100 on average from the youth and adults but right now the church members have already been asked to give to a lot (including the capital campaign and special funds like today’s collection for Myanmar and China disasters) so we know that we might not make the goal. We also accepted donations from people whose cars were washed (even though they weren’t expected) and that totalled just over $700. I found this idea on the Youth Ministry Exchange website.
This was an environmentally friendly car wash. Rich Richards (the youth director) and Jason Meyers (who just completed his freshman year at Carnegie Mellon) diverted the gutter downspouts at the church into trash cans and collected nearly 200 gallons overnight. We used that water to wash the cars, and only used tap water from the hose to give them a final rinse. Also, we used special environmentally sound soap bought at Whole Foods. Drying was done with synthetic chamois and cloth towels. Rich also noted on the white board Information Board that no paper was used, because we used a white board. (How recursive.)
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Over the course of 3 hours (until the recycled water ran out) we washed 45 cars. That was just about the right number – any more and the wait would have been excessive. We had two washing stations and one drying station. The youth and adults all worked hard on the washing and drying.
Now we wait to see how much we get in sponsorships – the youth haven’t turned in their forms or money yet.
I am a little sore from bending in directions that I don’t usually bend (I generally don’t have to bend over to wash bottom fenders often). I also think I managed to get sunburn on the backs of my calves – probably from leaning and bending. It was satisfying work.
Wish us luck!
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